Page 115 of Breakout
I can’t help but smile as I think about how pissed he will be when he hears the news. Me playing professionally is his worst nightmare.
“There we go. Use his disapproval as fuel,” Brett says as he slaps his hands together. “Now, I’m going to order pizza. Do you assholes want anything else?”
“Nah, man, I’m good. Thank you,” I tell him.
“No need to thank me, man. I know you would do the same for me if I were in your shoes,” Brett says.
He’s not wrong. I would do anything for these guys. We might not be blood-related, but these assholes are my brothers, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
twenty-five
We have a court date set.
It’s getting real now. Even visiting the house, I never truly felt like it was mine. I don’t know if I ever will.
I feel so alien about it all. Like I’m some intruder stepping into a family I’ve never belonged to. Yet, I also feel this deep need to get to know more about where my father came from. Once all is said and done, I want to go explore the place more. Talk to the staff and see if anyone knew my parents. Find the connection that was so abruptly severed when I was only a child.
Maybe then I will feel like I’ve finally found myself. Then I can stop trying so hard to prove myself to a world that doesn’t care if I live or die.
I need therapy.
When I was younger, the state ordered me to go to therapy for six months. I remember the kind lady. She asked me all sorts of things about my parents and the feelings I was experiencing. She helped me through the worst of it.
Then they ripped her away from me too. They felt I had gotten better and no longer needed to spend state money on her.
It left me back at square one with no one to trust.
A knock on my door pulls me from my thoughts. When I open it, I find Beckett on the other side with my favorite coffee in his hand. He holds it out for me, so I take it, walking into the room to set it on my desk.
“I came as soon as I saw your text. What’s going on?” he asks, closing the door behind him.
I didn’t mean to make him drop everything to come over here, but I have to admit it feels good not being alone right now.
“Don’t you have class?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Missing one won’t kill me. What’s wrong? What happened?” He steps closer to me, grabbing my hands.
“We have a court date. It’s next week,” I tell him.
He squeezes my hands. “How do you feel about that?”
“I don’t know. Stressed. Scared. Sad.”
He pulls me into his chest, wrapping his arms around my back.
“Your feelings are valid. Feel whatever you need to in order to process this. I’ll be by your side the entire time.”
My eyes tear up at his declaration. This man is so fucking good to me. Too good if we are being honest. Why is he still here with me?
“Nothing good in my life ever stays,” I admit softly. “What if this is another cruel joke life is throwing my way to break me down?”
“What if this is everything you ever dreamed of? We can sit and play the “what-ifs” game all night, but it isn’t going to helpanything. I have faith that everything is going to work out and if it doesn’t? I’m still right here with you.”
I swallow the emotion threatening to burst out of me. It’s what I’ve always wanted. To have someone at my side. Someone to share the load with.
I was always too scared to reach for it, though.
Moving me to the bed, Beckett kicks off his shoes before climbing into it. Then he pats the space next to him for me. I slide into bed next to him, letting my head rest on his chest over his heart. Hearing it thump helps calm me.
