Page 23 of Call My Bluff
“You are thegoodthings about your dad. You’re his persistence, his dedication. You’re his brains, his sense of humor... his loyalty.”
Noah scoffed. “Like that means anything,” he muttered.
“Honey,” his mother started, pulling out of his arms. She looked up at him with the same blue-gray eyes he saw in the mirror every day. “The Ian CampbellIknew loved you fiercely. From the day you came into this world—screaming to wake the dead—he was so proud of you. He knew you would do great things with your life, and maybe...”
She paused, like she wasn’t sure how to go on. “Maybe that’s why he left. Maybe he knew you and I were strong enough to be okay.”
Noah couldn’t believe his ears. He stared down at his mother with his mouth hanging open. “What?” he breathed.
“I’m not saying it’s okay! What he did to us was unforgivable,” she went on quickly. “But, I don’t know, maybe I’ve made peace with it. Well, not peace, exactly, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’tyourfault. We didn’t do anything to deserve—”
“No, we didn’t!” Noah said, hearing his volume rising. “We didn’t deserve to have our lives turned upside down! To lose our house! To work ourselves to the bone scrubbing toilets and flipping burgers and walking every flea-ridden dog in five miles just to patch the tires on a car that’s falling apart at the seams!”
“Noah . . .”
“You were supposed to have a restaurant!” he went on, the floodgates opened. “You were supposed to earn Michelin Stars! I was supposed to play baseball! I should be able to come see youmore than four times a year! And now... now that I’m doing something with my life, I can’t even enjoy it because all I want to do is find him and rub it in his face!” Noah stopped, panting as if he’d run a mile.
The silence following his outburst was heavy, and Noah fixed his gaze on the opposite wall and waited for the dust to settle.
When he could finally look down again, he saw quiet tears track down his mother’s cheeks, and a wave of shame hit him in the chest. He was supposed to be the happy one, the comic relief. It wasn’t his job to remind her how hard their lives had become; she could look around and see that for herself.
“Baby, you can’t live like this,” she said at last, wiping her cheeks with the heels of her hands. “You have to be able to go after what you want without letting the past weigh you down. We’re in a good place now.”
Noah rolled his eyes toward the ceiling, his jaw set tight.
“Weare,” his mother insisted. “Maybe it’s not the same place we would have been in if he hadn’t made the choice he did. Maybe there’s an alternate universe out there somewhere where everything is different, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t okay right now. I have a steady income, and I’m getting to cook, even if it’s not with my name on the front doors. You have a reliable job and an almost-finished college degree, and you’ve been accepted to graduate school in a field you love. You didn’t play college ball on a full scholarship, but you plowed your way through the barriers with a determination that inspires me.Youdid that! You, not him. What you’ve earned is your own; don’t let him take it from you. He does not deserve it.”
Noah set his jaw and tried not to remember the night he’d stood on the curb after baseball practice and waited for his dadto pick him up, not yet knowing how everything was about to change. Those had been the last normal minutes of his life; the last ones where he felt whole and undamaged. Maybe one day he’d forget the wave of betrayal that had washed over him when he’d finally walked home and found his father’s keys and cell phone on the counter beside a list of feeble excuses. Maybe he’d be able to wash his mind clean and learn how to forgive.
Maybe one day.
But not yet.
7
Noah came homefrom work the Monday after Thanksgiving and crept through his own house like a burglar. Jake’s truck was in the driveway, and the last thing Noah wanted to do was make enough noise to bring him downstairs. Something had clearly happened with Lexie over the holiday, though all Noah really knew was that his best friend had become a ticking time bomb, and life was easier when he made himself scarce.
He quietly assembled a sandwich and took his plate and a soda to the safety of his bedroom before pulling out his phone.
Noah:How’s Lexie?
Olivia:Still crying. How’s Jake?
Noah:Not good. He threw a box of loose sockets at the garagewall yesterday.
Olivia:Poor guy.
Noah:What actually happened?
Olivia:I don’t know. She went to his house for Thanksgiving, met his family, was having a blast and then... this.
Noah:Well, Jake didn’t do anything.
Olivia:How can you be so sure?
Noah:Because he’s totally whipped. I couldn’t pay him to spill her milkshake.
Olivia:Don’t say he’s whipped. That’s so condescending.
