Page 82 of All That Glitters
But we both wanted to be out on a race track. We both wanted a seat in a car.
I always used to think that at least Brax was a back-up, a fill-in… He did get to drive from time to time, but I didn’t even have that much.
Being good at my job, being the best at it that I could be kept the resentment and anger to a minimum. No one knew. No one felt it. No one saw it. That was how good I was at it…
Until Ashton. Damn him.
That one question at dinner had shattered my mask and I had been struggling ever since to glue it back together.
There was a file I kept on my laptop about the women who were coming up in motorsports, who were current drivers, marketing and brand managers, pit reporters, team owners, pit crew members, mechanics, engineers… Women in all levels of motorsports.
My finger hesitated over the trackpad before double clicking to open the file. I’d tucked pictures and spreadsheets and articles within. For more than a year, I had wanted to contact multiple people about a job. For more than a year, I’d watched as women were stepping out on their own in racing and demanding their knowledge and know-how be respected and recognized.
I never contacted anyone. I stayed within the relative safety of my family’s firm, prestigious as it was. I made a name for myself but under the Troye, LTD. banner.
No one knew that I’d spent a few days in Charlotte driving a stock car around the track in their fan experience program, or that I’d taken a few days during my senior year in college to run some dirt track races. I’d told my parents I was going on a trip with some friends, but I really took those days to race under an alias for a small team who needed some help with putting together contracts and a season-long marketing deal. We swapped my knowledge with a chance to drive.
There was so much no one knew. There was so much I’d kept to myself. And I had a feeling that if I didn’t rein Ashton in somehow, he was going to end up ruining everything.
“You’re still here.”
The meep I let out echoed in the small kitchen and I slammed the laptop shut. “Jesus, Ashton…”
“What?”
“Let a girl know you’re there before you scare the crap out of her.”
“I did let you know. What did you want me to do? I mean, I could’ve slammed the front door, but I didn’t know if you were still sleeping or not.”
He was right. He spoke up. It wasn’t his fault that I’d been in my own little world and not paying attention to anything outside it.
“Where were you?”
My eyes didn’t follow him as he moved around, but I was as aware of him as I was of my own flesh and blood body. Of course, that would’ve been helpful a few minutes ago.
“I went for a run,” he said, coming to stand on the other side of the table from me. He was dressed in black, from head to toe. His hair was a mess, like either the wind or his hands had ruffled the short strands. His cheeks were flushed pink, along with the lips he had wrapped around a water bottle, draining the contents. “Are you okay?”
I didn’t know how to answer that, so I nodded and took a sip of coffee, after which I said, “Sure.”
“Uh huh. Were you worried about me?”
“Not in the slightest.”
“That’s disappointing, Helen.” The slight smirk on his face told me he knew I was lying.
Tension filled the spaces between and around us. The kitchen table wasn’t that big despite the four chairs around it. “So, uh… Now that you’re back, I guess I can go.”
“Just like that?”
“Yeah. Just like that.”
“And what about last night?”
“What about it? I think we said all there was to say.”
“Maybe, but I like having you around.”
“Well, we don’t always get what we want, do we, Ashton?” I stood and reached for my computer, but his hand was there, then he was there, in my face, his mouth inches from mine. I couldn’t have moved even if I’d wanted to, but the truth was, I didn’t want to.
