Page 118 of A World Without You
I touch my hands to my cheeks. The hot tears sting my cold fingertips. “I don’t always cry like this.”
He laughs a little. “I know. What’s wrong?” he asks, holding my face in his hands.
“There was an accident...it’s all my fault...”
He studies my expression as I gather my thoughts about what I saw, what I felt, and what he said to me in my dream last night. When I’m about to speak, Bennett says, “It’s just a dream.”
“But Bennett, I—”
He puts a finger over my lips. “It’s just a dream. It’s not real.”
“It could have been—”
“But it’s not. This” —He kisses my forehead— “is” —my nose— “real.” Then my lips. I linger there savoring the taste and feel of him.
“I don’t like it there. We aren’t friends. Youhateme.” I stutter over the word.
He must sense my hesitation in his presence because he asks, “What has you so torn up?”
I shake my head.
“Tell me.”
The demand feels like a million paper cuts piercing my skin.
“Colin actually came for me in Roslyn and brought me home,” I begin. Bennett raises his eyebrow in surprise. “So naturally my parents and your parents said we should do a traditional Christmas Eve together.”
“Like old times,” he says, knowing exactly how our moms would word it.
“Like old times,” I confirm, swallowing the sap in my throat. “There was an accident.”
His chin tilts slightly.
I nod to confirm. “Krista and Josie didn’t make it.” I sob at the sentence. The idea of it. I collect a breath and add, “And you are heartbroken.”
He stares at his front door, a little stunned, and I don’t know if continuing is the right choice, but I do. “You blame us—me, really. And we aren’t good.”
His gaze slides to me. “I don’t hate you.”
“Yeah, but in that world, you’re trying,” I say and let out a laugh. “We shared a beer, and you’re moving to Italy to be a painter.”
He laughs at this, and I do too.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
“To Paris.”
“So I could throw a rock and find you?” he asks.
Emotion strangles my entire throat, and I struggle to breathe through my tears. “Or catch a train.”
He pulls me close to him and kisses my forehead like he’s erasing the worry and the pain and hurt.
“I can’t live in a world without you, Bennett. And maybe this is all too sudden and unexpected, but I want you in every way I can have you.” I take a deep breath, calming my confession. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“Who said you have me?” he says with a wry smile and I shove him lightly, remaining in his arms.
“You...” I accuse because that three-letter word encompasses so many things.
