Page 63 of A World Without You
A chill climbs up my spine as she reveals this piece of information. “No,” I answer honestly.
“You told me Colin is the type of man you’re going to love forever, no matter what. But he isn’t meant for you.”
My forehead crumples, and I deflate into my chair as our server returns with our food, placing each dish in front of us, though I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.
This can’t be right. I want to kick this version of myself. This version of myself doesn’t know what it feels like to lose him, but I do.
“When did I say that again?” I ask.
“Last year, when you finally admitted that you called off the engagement and that’s why you and Colin were engaged for a million years. How do you not remember?”
I drain my wine and stare at the empty glass.
“Are you okay? I thought you were certain this was for the best. That you would remain in a relationship until he drops you off at the airport. A clean break. That’s what you said you needed so it would hurt less ending something that was a part of your life for so long.”
The hatred I feel for myself is tearing up my insides. My chin trembles. “I’m going to regret it,” I manage to say.
Now it’s Mel’s turn to hold my hand. “Well, I’ll be here for you when you realize you’ve broken your own heart yet again.”
A breathy laugh escapes my lips just as two giant teardrops cascade down my cheeks. It would seem, self-sabotage is my specialty in every life I live.
“Don’t be so sad about it. You’re going to do great things in Paris. And London. And Tokyo! Oh my god, are you kidding? I’m so jealous.” Mel scoops a forkful of risotto into her smiling mouth.
My chin trembles, and my eyes well because it is a dream, and this alternate reality isn’t real, I know that. But deep down in my heart of hearts, I hoped this was a life where I didn’t screw it up, and I got to love Colin.
“Hey,” Mel says softly, sensing my unrest. “Maybe down the road or in some other universe, you and Colin will find each other again.”
The tightness in my chest unravels a little. Because maybe that’s it. Maybe I needed to lose him to find him again and show him how much I love him.
Maybe this Christmas, I get a second chance.
I smile at the thought. “Yeah, maybe.”
FOURTEEN
Friday, December 15th
