Page 33 of Collin: Episodes 10-12
“Well, think about it. Is she scared when her father shows up and rages on her behalf?”
“No.”
“Why do you think she isn’t scared?”
“Because…she knows it won’t hurt her.”
“Rage is a choice. Lots of people lie about that.” Damian smiled, that sadness still in his eyes. “But it’s true. Expressing it is even more of a choice. Someday, you’ll find your own rage.”
Collin’s head snapped up. “I don’t rage.”
“There’s no way you don’t have rage, Collin. Not after everything you’ve been through. You just haven’t looked it in the eye yet.”
Collin shook his head. “Nope. I don’t do rage. Not my thing.”
Damian smirked. “Let me guess, you’re better than that.”
Collin froze. Shit. He really had just implied that? “I—I—I’m not like that. I just… I don’t like rage. I mean, sometimes I’m frustrated, but…”
“Let me guess, you saw someone rage, saw them hurt someone, perhaps you, perhaps someone else, and you promised yourself you’d never be like them.”
Collin snapped his mouth shut. Fuck. Do you have to call me out like that? “Did you get a psych degree, too?”
Damian just smiled. He obviously had all the answer he needed. “Was it your dad?”
“No!” Collin snapped. “He never… It was…” He blinked and looked away. “Fine. My grandfather. Happy?”
“Mother or father’s side?”
“I never met anyone on my father’s side. They were all in Russia.”
Damian raised both eyebrows. “Oh. They never came to visit?”
“No. Um…” Collin rubbed a hand over his face. Do I tell him or not? Mr. Reevesworth obviously knows. “My dad worked for Russian intelligence.”
Damian blinked, then frowned. “Russian intelligence?”
“Yes. And they killed him. After they found out he was a double agent.”
“I’m sorry.”
Collin shrugged. What was there to say? “My dad was a good father. But my grandfather, he wasn’t, isn’t, a good man. I didn’t know until my teens, but he was an agent too. That’s why my father married my mother. He was supposed to come here and integrate, get married, look normal. My mother didn’t know, until years later, that her father arranged for her to marry an agent. She didn’t know her father worked for Russia.”
“Is he still in the US?”
“He disappeared a while back. We don’t know what happened to him.”
“That’s fucked up, man.”
“Yeah, a bit.” Collin forced a shaky smile.
“My dad used to go on rages.” Damian smoothed soap over his scalp and then tipped his head back, rinsing off. “When I was younger, I’d try to hide or be quiet, but that pissed him off. So, when I got bigger, I learned to rage back. The night I hit him and saw fear in his eyes…” Damian shook his head and smiled. “One of the best nights of my life—at least up until that point. I’ve had better since.”
“I wish my grandfather had ever been afraid of anyone.”
“He was. Probably. Men like that are always afraid. That’s why they rage. That’s why they make such a mess and make everyone else around them scared too. It’s the only way they feel safe.”
Collin squeezed his arms over his chest. “That’s fucked up.”
