Page 17 of Certified Pressure 2
I looked her up and down, let the silence hang for a second, then slammed the door in her face. “Girl, get yo’ bitch ass on,” I muttered as the lock clicked.
That hoe was crazy if she thought I was gon’ play twenty-one questions with her ass.
Shakin’ my head, I stripped out my clothes, pulled a soft gown over my body, and slapped a bonnet on top of my head. I climbed into bed, stretched out under the covers, and then I carried my ass to sleep.
Trill-Land, Jungle Estate
Iwas three days in without seein’ or hearin’ from Pluto and that shit literally had a nigga chest hurtin’.
I hated how the shit felt. My lungs felt like they was closin’ up every time I tried to smoke. I set the blunt down more than I lit it. I stared at the ceilin’ and thought about Zurie layin’ in some hospital bed, and about Pluto tryin’ to be strong for her. I had women right downstairs who would have let me do whatever, but I ain’t touched nobody. I couldn’t. I wanted my mind to forget about this damn girl, but my heart kept reachin’ for her. It made me feel weak and I ain’t like that at all.
I picked my phone up and called my mama ’cause she was the only person who never judged me when I talked reckless andhonest. She answered on the first ring, happy like she always was when she heard my voice.
“My baby,” she said, warm and calm. “I’ve been waiting on you to call me.”
“I been busy,” I said. “These eliminations ain’t what I thought. I figured it would be easy to get down to who I like, but it’s been messy. My head been heavy behind it.”
She laughed a little. “If you had let me and your father pick your wife, you would not be goin’ through this.”
That made me smile. “Yeah right. Y’all was tryna line me up with a Nun. You know that is not me.”
She laughed for real then, and it eased me. I took a breath and told her what I had been holdin’.
“Ma, Ka’mari came back. She in my house again.”
There was silence for a moment before she asked, “And how does that make you feel, Pressure?”
“I don’t even know,” I admitted. “Part of me felt nothin’. Part of me feel everything. I ain’t got a clean answer.”
Her voice was calm, and graceful, but every word carried weight. “Familiarity is powerful, son, but familiar does not always mean safe. I recognize that Ka’mari has endured pain of her own—pain that has marked her just as much as it marked you. I do not dismiss that, nor do I blame her for breaking beneath the weight of it. But do not confuse compassion with obligation. You cannot bind yourself to her grief simply because she was once yours.”
I stayed quiet, listenin’…
“She chose another man in her time away,” my mother continued, her tone calm, almost regal. “That was her path, and you must not forget that. The hurt she carries may mirror your own, but that does not mean her presence in your life is destined. You must choose with clarity, not nostalgia. Choose someone who will be good to you, good to your future children,respectful to me, and obedient to the Most High. Love is not only about what we want, Pressure—it is about what we need.”
I let her words settle, but the silence stretched heavy. “I hear you,” I said finally. “I needed that.”
She sighed, softer now. “Still, I cannot help but wonder if what binds you to her is more than memory. Perhaps it is what you both lost. You never allowed yourself to grieve the death of your son.”
I gripped the phone tighter, my chest heating. “Ma, I don’t wanna talk about that.”
“You would rather pretend it didn’t happen,” she said gently, “but avoiding the truth does not erase it. Until you face it, it will always be the unspoken shadow between you two.”
“Ma, I don’t know what you talkin’ about,” I muttered, shuttin’ it down.
Her pause was long. Then she said, “One day, son, you will have to come to terms with it…whether you are ready or not.”
“Ma, please…” I whispered, damn near beggin’ her to chill.
She already knew I didn’t talk about this shit. She knew I hated it, and she knew I wanted to move on and forget it altogether.
“Okay, son. I’ll change the subject. Do you want me to come meet these girls?” she asked, like she already planned to do it.
“I do,” I said. “I been havin’ a hard time pickin’ right. If you and Pops slide through, you can read ‘em quick and tell me what’s real.”
“Consider it done,” she said. “It is important to me to meet the woman who will marry into this family. We will come soon.”
“Bet,” I replied, feelin’ relieved as hell.
