Page 68 of Slow Heat
It was a step in the right direction for Xan to refer to Vale by his title at the university rather than the sneered ‘your omega’ he’d tended toward before, or the veiled way he’d tried to keep from saying his name at all the last time they’d seen each other.
Jason pushed the flop of hair off his sweaty forehead again. The intensity of the last few minutes had left him clammy and in need of a shower. “I’m going to a dinner party alone at his house tonight.”
“Your parents allowed it?”
“Yes.”
“Alone? Really?” Xan’s eyebrows rose toward his hairline.
“Oh, not alone-alone. I mean without my parents. Vale’s friends will be there.”
The nasty sneer came back. “That alpha he’s been screwing?”
Jason tensed. He wished Xan wasn’t so determined to make him hurt as much ashewas hurting. As Jason’s closest friend, Xan sure knew which stick to use for the most painful poking. But Jason had taken his alpha quell and wouldn’t be provoked. “Yes, he’ll be there. And two beta friends.”
“I’m surprised your parents agreed anyway.”
“Me, too.”
It hadn’t been easy. Father had been especially wary, but Pater had eventually pointed out, damaging Jason’s pride a bit, that Urho seemed more than up to the task of taking Jason down if necessary, and they’d make sure he was dosed with plenty of alpha quell before he left. “He’ll be fine,” Pater had said. “They both will.”
Jason shrugged. “They know I’d never hurt Vale.”
“Ha! You didn’t see yourself in the library. You probably left bruises. I hope you apologized to him.”
“Of course I did.”
He had, hadn’t he? He couldn’t remember. He hoped so.
Jason glanced at his watch again. “Are you okay? I need to get going, but I don’t want to leave if you’re still upset.”
“Oh, I’m going to be upset forever,” Xan replied with wide-eyed cynical honesty. He waved toward the door. “Go on. I’ll still be an unmanned mess tomorrow, and next week, and next year, and when I’m trying to get an omega pregnant.” He smiled with a grim misery that made Jason’s stomach hurt. “No rush to make me feel better about the shit show of my life.”
Jason hesitated but, as awful as Xan’s predictions sounded, he was probably right. He rose slowly, brushed the wrinkles from his pants, and grabbed his discarded coat and scarf. As he put them on, he wracked his brain for something soothing to say.
“See you next week,” Xan said, standing. His eyes were puffy and his cheeks were still red. “I’ll try to make it to Alpha-Omega Relations next week. Old Shriner will flunk me if I miss every class with films on the syllabus.”
“Yeah, he will.”
Xan reached out a hand and then let it fall. “Hey, I’m sorry.”
Jason paused with his hand on the doorknob. “For what?”
“For being an asshole to you. You’re a good friend. And I…” Xan looked away, the words clearly stuck in his throat. “I can’t help the way I feel, but youcouldstill shun me for it. No one would blame you. Not even me. But you don’t. You don’t even try to make me feel bad about it.”
Jason let go of the knob and pulled Xan into a hug again. “I love you. I wish it was the kind of love you needed.”
“Why? Then we’d both be in this mess.”
“But we’d be in it together. I’m sorry I can’t go through this with you as more than a friend.”
Xan crumbled, gentle sobs shaking his shoulders. Jason held him tight until he’d calmed down again.
“I take it back. You’re a terrible friend. You were supposed to go and leave me with some dignity.” Xan shoved at Jason’s chest. “Don’t say another word. Just go.”
Jason kissed the side of Xan’s head and left without looking back. If his friend needed him to pretend he didn’t know he was in love with him, then he could do that. He could pretend it all day long. And as far as protecting Xan’s secret went, he could do that, too.
Jason would do whatever he could for Xan. He loved him that much.
