Page 54 of Any Given Lifetime
“Gotta get in you again,” he said, as he pushed into Joshua’s ass, his head flinging back and his scrawny, long-limbed body flexing all over as he pumped and fucked Joshua with abandon.
Joshua’s cock still wore the condom, and Neil shocked him by occasionally pulling out and then climbing up and sliding down on Joshua’s cock to ride for a few minutes. Then he’d climb between Joshua’s legs to lose control fucking him again. Both of them clawed at the sheets, clawed at each other, and when Neil finally yelled and came hard, he bit down on Joshua’s shoulder, leaving a mark that he lathed with his tongue as he jerked Joshua off several shaky minutes later.
“We should talk,” Neil said breathlessly. “You’ll want to talk.”
Joshua nodded mutely, but neither of them said anything, staring at each other, touching, and kissing. It wasn’t more than a few minutes before Joshua, shivering as Neil licked his nipples while putting on a fresh condom, moaned in disbelief as Neil pressed insideagain. Neil’s hard cock throbbed like a pulse in Joshua’s tender ass.
But Neil barely moved, settling in on top of Joshua, kissing his mouth, whispering in his ear words that Joshua believed despite the absurdity of them, and when Neil said what Joshua had waited twenty years to hear—I love you, I’ll never go away again—Joshua almost started crying, until Neil noticed and fucked that urge away.
Chapter Twenty
If Neil hadbeen asked how it would go if he and Joshua ever did manage to come together during this lifetime, he would’ve first said that was an impossible dream. But if it wasn’t impossible for some reason, then it would be a long, arduous process of explaining everything he knew about reincarnation, telling Joshua everything he remembered from his prior life, and eventually winning Joshua’s trust and belief.
He had never been so glad to be wrong. Even if everything seemed precarious and delicate, he could see in Joshua’s eyes that there was no regret—at least not yet. Also, they couldn’t seem to stay clothed at all. An hour earlier, Neil had finally rolled out of bed, insisting that he needed to call in to cancel work on the project at least for the rest of the day, arrange for a substitute to teach his professor’s evening classes, and, at the very least, check his email. Instead, he’d barely gotten to his feet before Joshua was sucking his cock, and then Neil had shoved Joshua back onto the bed overcome with the need to press into Joshua’s body again in every way that he could.
“I love you,” Joshua said now, still panting, kissing Neil’s neck and ear. “I do. I love you.”
Neil smiled, his cock pulling out of Joshua’s ass as Joshua rolled over onto his back. Neil rested his elbows on either side of Joshua’s head and ran his hands over Joshua’s hair, threading his fingers through it and tugging softly. Joshua grinned up at him.
“That’s a little sudden, don’t you think, Mr. Stouder? Last time, I recall you needed…time. Lots and lots of time. Don’t rush things on my account. Though, giventhis”—Neil gestured to their naked, come-covered bodies—“I guess it’s a little late to say we’re going to take it slow.”
Joshua’s eyes shaded darker. “When I lost you, I figured out that taking things slow is pretty stupid.”
Neil ran his thumb over Joshua’s lips.
Joshua took hold of his hand and moved it away, squeezing. “I didn’t do things slow for a long time after that. I worked as hard and as fast as I could, and when I met Lee….”
That brought all kinds of weird feelings to the surface. Neil didn’t want to seem jealous. He wanted to be gracious, accepting, but some part of him still wanted Joshua to have always been his, even if that wasn’t right and wasn’t fair. He didn’t want to be that guy, though, so he prompted, “When you met Lee…?”
“Well, when we started dating, anyway…I didn’t wait very long. A few days.” Joshua sounded guilty.
“Good,” Neil said, and it was easy, because seeing Joshua look ashamed, like he’d done something wrong or like he was afraid Neil would be angry over his choice to be happy made him want to wipe that fear away. “Sparing a man the blue balls I suffered could only be a kindness.”
Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, though, because Joshua looked devastated.
“Hey, what? I was joking. Why do you look…?” Neil waved at Joshua’s face, and he felt his own expression bending into the newly familiar shape of panic. “Don’t do that. Whatever you’re doing—don’t.”
Joshua shook his head, and his eyelids fluttered a little, and Neil was horrified when a tear slid down one side of Joshua’s face.
“No,” Neil whispered. “That’s not….”
Joshua put a finger to Neil’s lips. “I’m not the same Joshua, you know?”
Neil shook his head, a sudden fear ripping through him. What if he’d mucked it up already? “I don’t care,” he said. “I just wantyou.” It would sound ridiculous to him in any other situation, but the extenuating circumstances imbued his next statement with undeniable truth. “I’ve only ever wantedyou.”
Joshua looked horribly sad, and Neil felt like everything that had been so easy, so right just moments ago might crumble. He didn’t know if he should scramble to salvage it, or freeze and hope nothing else happened to make it truly fall apart.
“There’s been too much time between then and now,” Joshua said. “Too much has happened to both of us to not take it seriously, Neil.”
“I know. It’s…it’s what I do when…I don’t know what else to do.”
Joshua nodded. “It is.”
“I love you,” Neil said. “I’ve always loved you. And I’ll love you….” He trailed off and swallowed hard. Joshua’s hand came up and brushed against the side of his face before moving into his hair. “I can’t ever stop loving you. I tried. It didn’t work.”
Joshua’s expression went impossibly softer, and he pulled Neil down for another kiss.
Neil was urgent in his relief. He’d felt like there was a moment when it had crossed Joshua’s mind that this, what they had now, might not work. That maybe too much had happened, too much had changed. And those were fears Neilcould not let cross Joshua’s mind ever again, not even for a minute, because the idea of going back to a life without Joshua’s physical presence in it was entirely unfathomable now.
