Page 17 of Bitter Heat
A pang of disappointment preceded the wave of relief. Kerry hadn’t realized that some part of him had wanted to see Janus at work to assess his competence, and maybe to laugh at his lack thereof. But no matter. It was better this way, and he was happy that the man wasn’t there to guess at Kerry’s personal business.
Fanwashome, though, as always.
Kerry had never seen him outside of the clearing around the stable and house and had at times wondered if that was Dr. Crescent’s doing or not. His pater, though, said it had nothing to do with Dr. Crescent and that Fan was a peculiar man with a strange, unreasonable fear of leaving his homestead—a kind of phobia. Kerry knocked on the door, thinking he could almost relate to what it would be like to be afraid to leave home. He’d been in such a hurry to get away from Hud’s Basin, but nothing good had waited for him out there in the wide world. Now he never wanted to leave Hud’s Basin again if he could keep from it.
The door swung open, revealing Fan in all his handsome glory. The little omega was a good foot shorter than Kerry and dressed nicely in neatly tailored clothes, as always. His nearly black hair swept over his forehead, and he looked younger than he was with rounded cheeks and sparkling black eyes. Fan took one long look at Kerry and then swung the door open wider with a sweeping gesture that invited Kerry in.
Kerry didn’t hesitate, stepping into the cozy room—part living area, part kitchen—that he’d visited off and on for social calls with his pater over the years, but never for so serious a reason as this. Fan guided him to a comfortable seat by the fire before serving tea and some delicious little finger cookies that Kerry couldn’t resist even though he wasn’t sure he should be eating. Fan took up the seat next to him and ate several cookies, too.
“You want to be rid of it, then?” Fan asked gently after the usual exchange of pleasantries descended into an uncomfortable silence. The fire popped and crackled, the flames blue, orange, and red. The heat coming from it was nearly oppressive, but Kerry didn’t ask to move somewhere cooler.
“How did you know?”
“That’s the only reason young, uncontracted omegas come to me when Crow isn’t home. They hear the rumors. About the sorts of things I’m willing to help with that he’s not.” He took a dainty sip of his tea and then smiled at Kerry.
“I’m not uncontracted.”
Fan frowned. “No, I guess you’re not.”
“And speaking of rumors, I’m sure you’ve heard the ones about me as well? About my alpha?”
Fan nodded, his eyelashes brushing his high cheekbones, not meeting Kerry’s eye.
Kerry swallowed hard and felt his face warm with humiliation. Everyone knew, and yet it was still so degrading.
Fan cleared his throat softly, put down his teacup, and turned back to Kerry before asking, “How many weeks are you now?”
“Four.”
Fan tsked and frowned, scratching behind his ear irritably. “Getting on a bit late with this endeavor, aren’t you, little one?”
Kerry nodded and tried not to let himself chuckle at the irony of such a small man callinghim“little one.” “I didn’t know if I wanted to do this or not.” He chewed on his bottom lip and picked at the crumbs on the cookie plate.
“And now you know?”
Kerry shook his head. “It still feels wrong. Against all I’ve ever believed or been taught. In the mountains, life is so fragile. We see it all as sacred. From the trees to the fish, to the birds in the sky.”
“Yes. And the most sacred of all is a newborn human baby.”
Kerry bowed his head.
“You aren’t alone in feeling uncertain. Most men, when they come to me, are in some way uncertain. But circumstances don’t always allow for certainty when it comes to something that needs to be timed so particularly. I’d say you have, at most, three more days before the babe has fastened so completely that only an intervention much more intensive than what I am able to provide will dislodge him.” Fan touched Kerry’s arm and squeezed. “And to be quite frank, it’s possible that it’s already too late.”
“I can’t love this child,” Kerry confessed. “And so, I have to end him. Do you see?”
“Others might love it,” Fan said. “Me, for example. Childless as I am, I’d be willing to take him.”
Kerry swallowed the questions he was dying to ask at that statement. Long had the rumors swirled about Fan’s childless state. Some said he used his own methods on himself to keep free of the burden and risk of birth, but still others said barrenness was wolf god’s punishment for his part in terminating the pregnancies of other omegas.
“My alpha’s family would never allow that. They’d want him for themselves.”
Fan nodded. “So, they know?”
“Not yet. But they would find out when my next heat was due and found me pregnant.” Kerry shuddered.
“I see.” Fan sipped his tea again. “I offer the same thing every time,” he murmured. “To take the baby and raise it as my own. No one has ever taken me up on it yet.” He sighed heavily. “Each man has his reasons. Some are better than others. But it’s not my place to judge, you see. That’s wolf-god’s domain.” He put his tea aside. “Your pater knows you’re here?”
“Yes.”
