Page 62 of Bitter Heat
“What’s wrong?” Janus asked.
Kerry bit into his lip and frowned. “I forgot.”
“What?”
“That I was angry with you earlier.”
Janus’s eyes flicked wide open. “Angry with me? What did I do?”
The baby squirmed in Kerry’s arms, and it was time to burp him. Kerry put the nearly finished bottle down and hiked the infant up to his shoulder and began to jostle him while patting his back. Janus had seen plenty of omegas do this over the years, but he wasn’t sure Kerry was doing it properly until Ellis let out a belch louder than Janus’s own.
Janus’s serious expression wobbled, and he chuckled a bit, before sobering again. “Loud little bugger.”
“I don’t think I had a right to be angry,” Kerry said, pacing with the child in front of the sofa where Janus continued to sit. The babe, exhausted and now freshly burped, lulled on his shoulder, long-lashed eyes drooping into slumber. Kerry continued to pace back and forth, oblivious to the fact the baby had fallen asleep on his shoulder. “I was going to confront you, demand answers.”
“Then do it.”
“I don’t know if I have the right,” Kerry murmured, his expression distressed.
“I don’t have anything to hide from you, Kerry. If I’ve done something to upset you, I’d like the chance to apologize. I’ve been told I need all the practice I can get at it.”
“Who’s Caleb?” Kerry burst out, coming to a dead stop in front of Janus.
Janus stared at him for a moment. “Caleb Riggs is my cousin’s omega,” he said slowly.
“What else is he to you? Why did he write you a long, flirtatious letter hinting at a past between you and signing it with his love? Is he the reason you left the city? Are you in love with him?”
“No.” Janus was as surprised as Kerry looked at the abrupt certainty of his answer. “I was once in love with him, but now I am definitely not.”
“Why?”
Janus stood and took Ellis from Kerry. He carefully adjusted the babe’s head, so that it rested against his bicep and then he carried him to the makeshift crib they’d made for the little guy out of a packing crate, pillows, and the softest throw blanket in the house. When he had the baby settled inside, tucked in and sleeping with flushed cheeks and a wet, open mouth, he turned back to Kerry, motioning him toward the sofa again.
“Why did I love Caleb once or why don’t I love him now?” Janus asked, tugging Kerry by the arm to sit beside him. “What do you really want to know?”
Kerry squirmed, a red flush starting at the base of his throat and going up to brighten his tanned face and neck. “I don’t have a right to ask these questions. I’m contracted to another alpha. You’re…” He motioned at Janus with a confused expression. “We don’t mean anything to each other.”
Janus frowned, not liking the sound of that at all. “I listened while you told me of your past once. Why don’t you grant me the same favor now? There’s a lot about me that you don’t know, and Caleb’s part of that.”
Kerry shifted again like he might stand up and run out of the room, but then he nodded once, sharply. “All right. I’m listening.” He crossed his arms over his chest tightly, and his jaw jumped with tension. But he stayed on the sofa and gazed at Janus with wary eyes.
“I met Caleb at a Philia soiree in my early twenties. He was, I admit, the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. Intelligent, funny, and unwilling to commit to any alpha. I pursued him, courted him, and felt certain I would win him. And then he confessed an aspect of himself, a hidden truth, that I hadn’t been prepared to hear, much less accept. I was foolish and young, and frankly, arrogant. I thought finding another man I cared for like I’d cared for Caleb would be easy. And when it turned out that it wasn’t easy at all, that I’d broken my own heart, I set about punishing myself and anyone else I could for what I saw as the unfairness of it all. The self-absorption of youth. I couldn’t even see that I’d shattered Caleb’s heart in his own way, too.”
“What was this ‘hidden truth’ that you found so abhorrent?” Kerry murmured, swallowing with an audible click. “After what you’ve seen of me, I have to wonder, what must an omega do to disgust you?”
“I wasn’t disgusted,” Janus said. “I was devastated.” He shrugged. “I was young and wanted things from Caleb that he never wanted to give me.”
“Children?” Kerry guessed, but then he frowned. “He’s had several though, including one just recently.”
“That must have been a very informative letter,” Janus said, his heart jumping in his chest. “I take it his third son has been born?”
“Yes. I’m sorry. Let me get the letter. It’s in my sewing kit in my room.”
Janus tugged Kerry back to the sofa. “Never mind. You can give it to me later. All went well with him? And the baby is healthy?”
Kerry nodded. “I didn’t mean to read it. The seal was broken, and I dropped the envelope. A photo came out. He was so handsome, I got…curious.” He dropped his eyes, his cheeks glowing even more. Had Kerry been jealous? Janus thought he must have been, though he would never admit it. The thought warmed him all over. “I violated your privacy, and I’m sorry.”
“You did, and I don’t mind. I should mind, I’m sure, but I don’t for some reason. It feels right that you should know everything about me. I don’t have anything to hide, Kerry.” Janus took his hand, relieved that Kerry let him. “Caleb is a man I loved in my youth until I ruined things with him, and then I ruined my own life, too: affairs with contracted omegas, gambling, drinking, illegal wrestling competitions. The worst thing I did was shame my cousin out of jealousy that he’d been smarter than I, securing a contract with Caleb despite his differences.”
