Page 129 of Smoky Mountain Dreams
Christopher sputtered. “Are you kidding me?”
“I’m not. I’m not kidding you at all.” Jesse was clutchingthe flowers so hard that the stems bent. “I want you out of here and you arenever to come back.”
Christopher head went back as if he’d been slapped. The windwent out of him, and he stared at Jesse. “Why? Because I did my friend a favorand sang for some old people and for a patient that happened to be your wife?”
“Because youknewI didn’t wantyou here. You violated my wife by coming here.”
“I didn’t.” It was a lie. Christopher felt like he’dviolated her too, but he hadn’t done it on purpose, for fuck’s sake.
“You did. And you know it. Is your curiosity satisfied? Areyou fucking happy now? Did it give you pleasure to see her this way?”
Pleasure.Was that what Jessethought of him? That he’d actually delight in seeing Marcy like this? “No,”Christopher whispered. “I’m not happy at all.”
Jesse snorted and shook his head. “The only visitors on herlist are family. That should tell you something.”
His gut twisted and he thought he really might throw up. “Ithought I was starting to be part of your family.”
“You’re not part ofthisfamily,”Jesse said coldly. “Just go. I don’t want to see you until I have a chance tocalm down. I’ll say something I’ll regret.”
“Like that I’m not part of your family? Too late.”
Jesse hurled the flowers down on the bed, decorating Marcy’scovered legs and the blanket in pink and yellow petals. “I never said that. Isaid you’re not part ofherfamily. You had no rightto come here. No right to see her like this.”
“I didn’t mean to. I didn’t even want to.”
“Bullshit!”
Christopher swallowed. “Why?” he managed to get the word outaround the lump of hurt, rage, and tears in his throat. “Why are you actinglike this? Why is it so awful that I was here?” But he knew. He’d known themoment he saw her. Because he didn’t deserve to know this yet. Maybe he neverwould.
“If you don’t know the answer to that…” Jesse closed hiseyes, and then shook his head. “Fuck it, leave. I don’t want you here and I’mnot going to say it again: you need to get out.”
This time, Christopher obeyed. He didn’t even stop by thelounge to get his guitar case. He’d grab it another time or have Shannon pickit up for him. All he could think was that he had to get out before somethingworse happened—before there was shouting, or a definitive breakup, or Jessesaid something that Christopher couldn’t ever forgive him for. It was alreadybad enough. It already hurt like someone was cutting his soul free from hisbody.
Jesse’s car was next to the red Yaris, and Christopherrealized that Jesse probably had worked up assumptions about Christopher’spresence at the nursing home from the moment he parked. Christopher tore out ofthe parking lot, a pain in his chest like a stone where his heart was, like apressure that he couldn’t breathe around—like someone cracking open his ribs.
He didn’t remember the drive home.
Chapter Twenty-five
JESSEHAD BARELY BEEN ABLEto field Monique’s questions when she’d arrived inthe minutes after Christopher had finally left. He’d reassured her thatChristopher was not a danger to any of the residents and that his reaction hadbeen a purely personal one. Monique had seemed confused by it all, but she’dknown enough to withdraw and leave Jesse alone with his wife. He heard thewhispers from where Monique still stood with Jason and Natalie in the hall, buthe didn’t give a fuck. When he finally left, he didn’t say goodbye to any ofthem.
He needed a drink.
After pulling into the parking garage across from Christ inthe Smokies back in Gatlinburg, Jesse opened his text messages. The last onewas from Christopher from that morning telling Jesse he’d call after herecorded some songs. How had he ended up in Marcy’s room? The memory of seeingChristopher’s beautiful face next to Marcy’s bloated one ripped through Jesse,and he clenched his fist around his phone, wanting to throw it against thewindshield. Instead, he took some deep breaths and calmed himself enough totext his sister and ask her to meet him for drinks at Puckers.
He knew the moment he walked into the sports bar that heshouldn’t have chosen a place he’d gone to with Christopher. One look aroundthe room reminded him of the night Christopher had discovered Marcy wasn’tdead, and the emotional evening that had followed.
And he was so generous to you, sogiving, when he could have been angry. It could have been over then and itwould’ve been justified. Where’s your generosity now, Jesse?
The voice in his head was Marcy’s, and he squeezed his eyesclosed, trying to push it away, to not hear her as clearly as he had when shewas alive and standing beside him.
It was a long, lonely, angry twenty minutes before Amandawalked into the room. She saw him across the way and lifted her hand, her smiledisappearing as she neared.
“Uh-oh. I know that look. What have you done?” she asked byway of greeting, shifting into the booth and pushing her green Coach purse offto the side.
“I didn’t do anything. He’s the one who did something heshouldn’t have.” The anger was easy to claim. The guilt wasn’t.
“Uh-huh. And what was that? Unless you say he’s been seeingsomeone else, I’m going to probably think you’re the one in the wrong here.Just a heads up.”
