Page 134 of Smoky Mountain Dreams
“Poor bastard,” Gareth said. “Dealing with that.”
Christopher nodded. The memory of Marcy haunted him. “Whenhe came in? Saw me there? Fuck, he wasnot okaywithit. He made it pretty damn clear that I didn’t belong there. I wasn’t family.”He turned to Gareth. “Sheis his family and I’m not.At all.”
“Truth is, you haven’t earned it yet.”
Christopher huffed a bitter laugh. “Yeah, I guess not. Nowwho knows if I ever will.”
“I don’t know a lot about relationships. I fucked up withRick pretty good, not once, but twice.”
“What happened there?”
“Well, the first time we broke up because he got shippedout. Speakin’ of earning it. I didn’t think he’d earned me waiting for him. Andmaybe he hadn’t.”
Christopher got up the nerve to ask what he’d wanted to knowfor a long time. “So why did you go back to him? That night we had…I thought…ithurt a lot when you ended it.”
Gareth groaned and rubbed a hand over his beard. “Wish youwouldn’t say that kind of shit, Christopher, because it just makes me want toram my head in the wall when I know you ain’t comin’ back to me.” He sighed. “Iknow I look tough, but you can break me with a word.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true. And I went back to him because you scared me.”
“How? What did I do?”Have I scared offJesse too?
“I’d never felt like that before. Not with Rick. Not with myfirst boyfriend. Not nobody. I’d never wanted to throw myself in someone’s armsand never let ‘em go. Scared the shit out of me. So when Rick called, it waseasy to say yes to goin’ back to him. So much easier than saying yes to how Ifelt about you. I never thought I was a coward until then. But I guess I am.”
“Gareth…” Christopher swallowed hard, his heart aching forthe vulnerability in Gareth’s expression, his wounded eyes that had lured himso strongly from the beginning. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. And I meant what I said at the Christmastree farm. If it’s over with him, I want another shot. But it ain’t done yet,Christopher. You’re in love with him and I can see that. So, you gotta see ifyou can make this right. I care about you too much to let you break your ownheart.”
“Fuck,” Christopher whispered, his throat going tight. Heforced another sip down, and rubbed at his eyes with the heel of his hand.
The heat of Gareth’s presence next to him was a nicedistraction. He could lean over and kiss him. He could push his fingers intoGareth’s hair, whisper a plea against his mouth, and they could get the hellout of this bar and go fuck somewhere, and he could forget for a few minuteshow much he wanted Jesse to text or call or walk through the door of the barand grab him up and take him home and declare him family. To declare his love.Which, Christopher realized, he’d never done. He’d said a lot of things, but Ilove you had never been one of them. What if that was because he didn’t, couldn’t,and wouldn’t?
Don’t be a chowder-head, boy.
It was Gran’s voice in his head for the first time in weeks.Christopher laughed softly, tears pricking his eyes, and he drank more ginwhile Gareth rubbed his back.
“S’gonna be okay,” Gareth crooned. “I saw how he looked atyou. He knows what he’s got. And he’ll make up with you.”
Christopher wondered what it cost Gareth to be here withhim, comforting him and encouraging him to have faith in another man’s love. IfGareth had been a coward, he was sure making up for it now. Brave and loving. Agood man. Christopher would be a complete dick to take advantage of hisaffection just to soothe his own pain.
“I should get home,” Christopher said. “Drinking isn’t goingto make this better. I should just go to bed and maybe when I wake up tomorrowit’ll be a better day?” He ended as though asking a question, hoping thatGareth would assure him that it was likely to be just that.
“I don’t think you should drive.” Gareth scooted out of the booth.
“I’m okay.” Christopher stood, his feet tangling under himso that he tipped sideways into Gareth. “Fuck. Okay, so maybe not.”
“I’ll drive you.” Gareth dropped some money on the table.Christopher did the same, noting that misery-drinking was pretty expensive.
“I don’t know—I mean, maybe I should just hang out hereuntil I’ve sobered up.”
“You could. Whatever you want.”
Christopher remembered the last time Gareth had been to hishouse and flushed hard, his nipples going taut and his cock fattening. He sankback down. “I think I’ll wait it out.” He didn’t want to say it was toodangerous to let Gareth take him home. But that was the truth. Christopher knewwhat he wanted and Gareth wasn’t it, but being drunk and heartbroken had ledlesser men to make mistakes. He wouldn’t be one of them.
“Water,” Gareth called out to the waitress, motioning atthem both. “Then let’s get you sobered up.”
Christopher settled in, checking his cell phone again. Hesighed into his freshly delivered glass of water. There was nothing from Jesse.
