Page 133 of Smoky Mountain Dreams
Christopher shrugged. “I got disowned.”
“Shit.” Gareth sighed. “I don’t need to ask why, do I?”
“Nope.”
“Well, fuck ‘em.”
“I know. It’s just…at first I thought it was going to beokay, because I had Jesse. But it looks like I might not have him after all.So, I’ve got basically nobody. My Gran, but she’s old. One day it’ll just beme. Alone. Lonely.”
Gareth was silent for a long time, drinking his beer, andkeeping his eyes on the table. “You’d never have to be alone, Christopher.”
Fuck, that wasn’t what he’d intended to do. Christopherstayed silent.
Finally, Gareth cleared his throat. “Holly said somethingabout you singing at a nursing home?”
“Yeah. I covered for Shannon today because of all that stuffwith Corey and Jeanette. Turns out where Shannon does all her volunteering? Isat Jesse’s wife’s nursing home.” Christopher took a long swallow. “Everythingwas okay. I was singing with the old people and enjoying myself. I’d managed todecide that no matter how curious I was, I was going to leave the place withoutlooking for a way to see Marcy. I was just gonna go. Then the director told meI should go room to room for the residents who can’t get out of bed. And thefirst damn room she took me to was Marcy’s! Fuck me!” Christopher’s throatclosed up and he shook his head.
“That bad, huh?”
Christopher swallowed his liquor wildly, trying not to thinkabout the intimate horror of seeing Marcy. After a few silent moments, thesounds of the bar filling up the space, Christopher whispered, “Yeah, that bad.So I saw her. Jesse showed up, and he wasn’t happy about that.”
“Huh.” Gareth took a sip of his beer and put one arm aroundChristopher’s shoulder, squeezing before he let go.
Christopher could feel the heat of Gareth’s hand and armwhere he’d touched him. He felt like he needed to explain Jesse’s reaction. “He’sreally protective of her.”
“You weren’t gonna hurt her.”
“No. Of course not. But I think for Jesse it’s not justabout hurting her physically, but…somehow hurting her memory.”
Gareth obviously didn’t get it, but he just nodded and tookanother swallow, and then reached to squeeze Christopher’s shoulder again.
“I can’t explain. I know it doesn’t make sense.”
“It don’t need to. Just talk it out,” Gareth said. “I don’tneed to get it. I just need to listen to you.”
Christopher couldn’t help but feel a little choked up atthat. He so craved being seen, being heard, and Gareth was offering just that. “Ithink it’s about dignity,” Christopher whispered. “There’s just no dignity inwhat I saw. I think he wants to give her that, and I took it away from herwithout even asking.”
“He’ll get over it,” Gareth said, his voice tender and closeto Christopher’s ear.
“I don’t know. I’ve never seen him that angry.”
“Mark my words: he’ll get over it unless he’s stupid. Andthat man ain’t stupid. He won’t make the mistake I did and let you go.”
Christopher smiled at him, feeling the edges of his mouth gowobbly with drink and emotion. “Yeah?”
“Of course.”
Christopher sighed, remembering the cold rage on Jesse’sface. “It’s all tied up together, you know? Thanksgiving. My family. Jesse. Himbeing angry with me. Maybe dumping me. I just want someone to be proud to callme theirs. I have Gran, but…” He sighed, knowing she wasn’t going to be aroundforever. “But I want a family, you know? The kind of family where you sit downat Thanksgiving and everybody’s happy you’re there.”
“Normal thing to want,” Gareth said, swallowing beer.
“But I don’t have that. Not with my family, for sure. Andnot with Jesse now.”
Christopher got a refill and they drank silently for a fewminutes before he started talking again. “When I saw her today with my owneyes, she was so different from what I’d thought.”
“Ugly.”
“No…well, yes. Just, well, really fucking sad and kind ofnaked. Not physically naked, but like she was stripped of everything and I wasseeing it. It was awful. Just fucking awful.”
