Page 115 of Vespertine
Jasper sharply lifted his head and looked at Nicky. He waslying. “Take me upstairs,” he whispered. “What you said earlier. I want that. Iwant you to do that.”
Nicky went very still. He cupped the back of Jasper’s neckand stared into his eyes for a long time. Dozens of emotions flickered over hisface, none lingering long enough to decipher, until at last there was somethingthat looked very much like acceptance and desperation. Jasper thought his ownface pretty much reflected the same.
“Then let me hear you say it, baby,” Nicky said. His voicehad gone low and thick, husky with a hint of tears.
Jasper swallowed, still trapped in Nicky’s gaze, caught inthe palms of his hands.Nowhere I’d rather be. With ashaky voice he whispered, “I want you to fuck me, Nicky.”
They didn’t say anything on their trek upstairs. Nicky leftthe lights off in the bedroom. They stood on either side of the bed and lookedat each other. Nicky didn’t say anything but Jasper heard his questions anyway.He nodded.Yes, I’m sure.
Nicky stripped off his T-shirt and jeans, eased his boxersdown, and tossed his socks aside. There was no artifice to it, noseduction—just a clinical getting naked so they could get to the fucking.Jasper shivered, and Nicky knee-walked across the mattress and gently kissedhim.
“Now I can concentrate on you,” he whispered. “How do youwant to do this?” Jasper opened his mouth but again his voice failed him. Heshrugged helplessly and Nicky smiled softly. “Okay baby, I got you.”
He slipped his fingertips over the buttons of Jasper’s shirtand undid them. There should’ve been something unholy about being undressedfrom his priestly outfit like this, but all it felt was right. Obediently,Jasper held out his arms and let Nicky strip him naked, piece by piece. Hecouldn’t stop trembling, no matter how kindly Nicky soothed him and kissed himand caressed him. The last of the setting sun filled the room and a hidden partof him wanted the curtains closed to the world. But there was no one out therewho could see, and he liked the look of the sweet fading light on Nicky’s skin.
“Get on the bed,” Nicky said, when Jasper was finally naked.“I think on your front will be easier for you.”
Jasper nodded and obeyed. He lowered himself down onto hispillow and made a shivery, helpless moan when Nicky grabbed the other pillowand put it under Jasper’s hips.
“Do you have lube or anything like that? Do you want acondom?”
“I don’t have either,” Jasper managed. The skin on his backjumped when Nicky caressed his spine.
“I was tested at the clinic and came out negative foreverything, but we still shouldn’t do it without one. And we definitely shouldn’tdo this without real lube, Jazz.”
“I want it to be just you, Nicky. Just you and me. The testssay you’re fine. And how about suntan lotion? Olive oil? I have both of those.Or I do have some Vaseline.”
Nicky hummed and stroked Jasper’s flanks and hips. “That’dwork, but it requires some extra clean-up. You okay with that?”
Jasper hid his face into the pillow and nodded. He was doingthis. He was really going to do this.
“Are you sure about the condom? I might have one in mywallet, but…”
“I’m sure,” Jasper said, and his voice came out a littlesharper than he meant, but Nicky soothed his sides.
“All right. Where’s the Vaseline, baby? I’ll go grab it.”
“In the bathroom. Medicine cabinet.”
Nicky lowered himself down and covered Jasper’s body withhis. “You going to freak out while I’m gone?”
Yes. “No.”
Nicky laughed softly against the back of Jasper’s neck as ifhe knew exactly what he’d been thinking. “I’ll be right back.” He strokedJasper’s spine all the way down to his ass and let his finger slip between hisbuttocks.
Jasper closed his eyes and tried to remember hispranayamabreathing from yoga. It helped to calm his mind,but his body still shook by the time Nicky came back. He looked glorious in thesunset, like the rock god he was.
Jasper shifted a little so he could stretch out an arm andreach for him. “Nicky…”
“I’m here. I got the condom, too. I’d feel better if we useit.” He kissed Jasper, soothed him with his hands, then gently pried his thighsapart and climbed back on the bed to settle between them. “Tell me if you wantme to stop and I will, okay? Otherwise let me take care of you.”
Nicky kissed the dimples on either side of Jasper’s back,and he shuddered out a breath into the pillow. His fingers were cramping aroundthe sheets. The tear of the condom wrapper and the click of the Vaseline lidwas loud in the quiet room, and Jasper tried to control his stilted breathingas his entire universe narrowed down to the space between his legs.
This isn’t the first time, he told himself. Even yesterday,Nicky— He gasped and lost his train of thought when Nicky held his buttocksapart with one hand. He’d tried to warm the Vaseline but it was still a coldshock when Nicky touched his hole.
“Breathe, baby,” Nicky murmured. Jasper nodded and closedhis eyes. They were dry and itchy and he squeezed them until red fireworksdanced behind his eyelids. He breathed slow and deep, reaching for that trancelikestate he sometimes found in yoga, and managed to take the first of Nicky’sfingers without too much of a fight. “Yeah, there you go, look at you.” Nickylet go of Jasper’s cheeks and rubbed his lower back gently. “How’s that? Good?”
Jasper nodded. Nicky stayed away from Jasper’s prostate, andJasper breathed a little easier. He didn’t think he could take thatelectrifying shock of pleasure yet. With a slow, easy pace, Nicky pushed in andout of him, no tricks, no aim to please, only a soft glide to open him up.
