Page 114 of Vespertine
Nicky grabbed the tighty-whities and mopped up the jizz onboth their stomachs and chests. He was tempted to touch Jasper’s nipples, tolean over and kiss a trail to his cock and suck the soft head into his mouthagain, just to taste it before it all came to a hurting, grinding end.
“I guess we should talk,” Nicky said, straightening hisclothes and pushing his hair out of his face. “I have something I want to tellyou.”
Jasper sat up and kissed him again. He reached for his pantsand pulled them on without underwear. “Let’s clean up and eat dinner first. Havethose whoopie pies you brought and pretend for a little longer that we don’thave to talk about anything at all.”
Nicky studied his face, and then kissed his mouth softly,reaching up to press his thumb into the dimple of Jasper’s chin. “I love you.”
Jasper’s eyes went warm with joy and he kissed Nicky again. “Iknow.”
Nicky laughed and stood up. “All right. We can pretend for afew more hours, but then we have to be grown-ups.”
Jasper nodded, smiling down at where he sat rumpled on thesofa. “I know that too. It doesn’t make it any easier, though. I feel like I’mabout to be grounded for the summer again.”
Nicky put his finger on Jasper’s lip. “Shh. We’re nottalking about it yet, remember? What did you pick up for dinner?”
Jasper hauled himself off the sofa, flashing Nicky hisgorgeous smile as he tucked his black shirt into his pants. They deserved onemore evening of being just them, Nicky decided. Just Nicky and Jazz.
Nicky had a little blob of vanilla cream on his cheek,but Jasper wasn’t in any hurry to let him know. He was imagining licking it offlater, when they were sprawled out on the couch again. If it was winter he’dstoke the fire and lay Nicky out on a rug and be a stereotype until they couldstereotype no more.
“Stop it,” Nicky said from across the kitchen table.
Jasper blinked and lifted his chin from his palm. “Huh?”
“That come hither look you’ve got going on. You’re not doingmy resolve to adult my way through this any good. I want to drag you upstairsand fuck you senseless.” Jasper gasped a little as his insides clenched withfear and excitement. “Oh, Jesus, no, not helping,” Nicky groaned. “Seriously, stoplooking at me like that.”
“Sorry.” Jasper took a deep breath, sat up straight, andclasped his hands in his lap. With a start he realized this was the closest he’dcome to private prayer in days. He reached for the coffee decanter between themand filled up their mugs. “Okay, I’m listening.”
Nicky raked his fingers through his hair and looked down athis plate. There was half a whoopie pie left and he dragged his finger throughthe cream before putting it into his mouth. Jasper tried not to stare, but thenNicky looked him into the eye, determined. Strong. Afraid.
“I have to go back,” he said.
Jasper nodded and waited, but Nicky said nothing else. “Yes,I know eventually you’d have to and we’ll—”
“No.” Nicky reached across and grabbed Jasper’s hands sohard his nails dug into his flesh. “Jasper, I have to go back tomorrow.”
Jasper’s ears began to ring. He opened his mouth but nosound came out. Nicky’s grip eased, and he soothed the sting of his nails withhis thumb. “Tomorrow?” Jasper managed. “I don’t understand. Why?”
“The big assholes got tired of waiting. We get into thestudio to make that album or we get sued until they own the blood in our veins.We have no choice.”
“But—”You’re not well enough,Jasper wanted to say, but honestly he didn’t know if that was the truth. Nickywas a lot stronger than he’d given him credit for. The addiction wasn’t someweakness, some lack of willpower that could only be cured by staying away fromthe drugs. It was an illness and Nicky was being treated for it.And yet. “What—what about the others? Are they okay withgoing back already?”
“Ramona is, but she never had a problem to begin with. Sezand Mick…” Nicky dropped their eye contact and tried to let go, but Jasperturned his hands palm up and thread their fingers together. “I have no clue. Ihaven’t talked to them since I left. I’m guessing Sez could possibly be okay,but Mick…” Nicky shrugged. “Management won’t care if we’re okay or not. Theywant an album.”
He had to ask. “What about you? Will you be okay?”
“If you’d asked me that two weeks ago I’d have said no. ButI think…I think yeah, maybe I’ll be okay.”
“Ramona will be a good friend to you?”
Nicky snorted. “Oh yeah, she’ll kick my ass if I try to use again.”
“But who will be there for you when you feel the need touse? Who will you talk to?”
A burst of naked fear flashed behind Nicky’s eyes and thenit was gone. “Will you?” he asked softly. “I mean I know that this…” He waved ahand between them and his face twisted. “This was never going to last. But itwould mean a lot if I could call you every once in a while.”
“Every day,” Jasper said, holding tight to Nicky’s hands. “Iwant to hear from you every day. Even if it’s just a text. Or a one minutecall. I want to know you’re okay.” Jasper’s voice broke on the last word and hepulled a hand away and covered his mouth. Nicky stood so fast his chair tippedover, and then he was there, clutching Jasper’s shoulders, holding him close.Jasper clung to his waist and buried his face in Nicky’s T-shirt. “I thought we’dhave more time,” he whispered.
“Me too. But Jazz, you have to know this was never going tobe a forever thing. It’s a…an interlude. And now we’ve got to go back to ourreal lives. It was good while we had it and I still want to be friends. I’ll befine if we can be friends.”
