Page 81 of The Tsar's Obsession
Polina wasn’t waking up. She was breathing, alive in a technical sense, but her eyes remained closed. She hadn’t drifted into consciousness even once in an entire month. No one could explain why. The doctors said she should have regained awareness by now, yet she remained lost in oblivion.
What if I was next?Whenwould I be next?
Running away barefoot, with blood on your hands.
That’s exactly what happened. So much blood on my hands, and we were running. Running away from our home, our life, and our little fairytale straight into chaos.Mylittle fairytale that I made up because I didn’t want to face and admit the reality that I was sleeping with a man whose secrets were deep, dark, and hidden. A man who was the shadow that overpowered everything.
That shadow woke me up every morning with kisses made in heaven. Was he a shadow, or was he an angel? Even Lucifer was an angel once. My dark angel, my angel of chaos, would touch me as if I were made of Venetian glass. He was delicate with each one of his caresses. Soft. His strong and large fingers ghosted on the skin of my shoulder, barely touching, careful not to disturb.
His lips, the ones that whispered dirty promises and the most heavenly praise and words of affection, landed on my neck and passed on that passion, that devotion, that love that he had. Just for me.
Just for me.
Just for me.
A love like we had blinded me to everything around. Every sin, every transgression, every past mistake.
His unforgettable eyes focused only on me when we spent quiet and private moments tangled up underneath the sheets. Kirill was usually up before sunrise—work-out, work; he never cheated on his schedule, except today. Today he kept me close, gorging on whatever unbreakable bond connected us.
“Do you want to go away for a few weeks? Before my big meeting? And then we can do something for your birthday, like take a big trip? Is there anywhere you’ve always wanted to go?” Hemoved a strand of my hair out of my face, the morning light from the window giving him a divine glow. My dark fallen angel.
“Yeah." My reply fell off my smiling lips effortlessly. “Let me think about it. Somewhere warm and sunny?” I proposed, and he nodded with his eyes closed and his lips on mine.
One hour, two hours, the morning stretched into a lazy haze even though both of us needed to get to work.
His hands glided over my robe as he stood at the door before leaving, unable to tear himself away from me and I from him.
“I don’t want to go,” he confessed quietly in my ear. “I just want to stay with you. Forever. Just with you, just like this.” His hot lips marked my neck with haste. “I’ll pick you up from work earlier today. I love you.”
It was in the air. Both of us were unnerved by what transpired in our home, and while he didn’t want to admit it, he compensated by keeping me close at all hours of the day and night. And I ate it all up.
Reluctantly, I showered and got ready, having changed outfits twice. I searched for my watch to finish my outfit and pulled out our jewelry drawer, running my hand on the bottom of it. Once, twice, I didn’t find the watch, but something else caught on my finger.
A shiny gold chain. I hadn’t seen it before. It wasn’t mine, and Kirill only ever wore his cross, having no other jewelry except his extensive watch collection. It sparkled so brightly in the morning light. I studied it for a few seconds, and slowly, slowly, and then all at once, I recognized that pendant.
It was a menorah.
This was Ari’s chain. The chain that he never took off. The chain that peeked out of his shirts, the ones that were unbuttoned a little too much.He never took the chain off.Until one evening late in August when he was robbed…and beaten, left to die in a dark alleyway.
A choked gasp ripped from my throat. My legs refused to move, my eyes forgot to blink, and my mind furiouslyput the pieces of the puzzle together. Kirill was responsible for what happened to Ari.
I staggered back and plopped down on our huge bed, the mattress providing the only support I could rely on after this earth-shattering revelation. Hot, angry tears poured down my cheeks as I stared at this sparkly chain, an undeniable piece of evidence of Kirill’s heinous crime. Of the trauma he inflicted on innocent, unsuspecting people.
No. No, no, no, not my Kirill, not the man I loved.Please. I begged for it all to be a lie, for this chain to swiftly disappear out of my hands as if this weren’t reality but simply a bad dream.
But there was no other explanation. No other reason why Kirill would have this. This chain was stolen when Ari was attacked. Attacked by the man I loved, shared secrets with, gave all of myself to. The man who promised he never lied, promised to protect me with his life, promised I was his sunshine, his light, his woman, his, his, forever his!
I couldn’t take a breath in. I had nothing in my lungs to breathe out. My vision spun.
Did he tell you everything?
The words from that letter rushed back to me, placing everything we had into jeopardy. No. Kirill didn’t tell me everything. Lies and truth had no meaning in Kirill’s world.
The chain scorched my palm, and I could only focus on one thing: he lied.He lied, he lied, he lied, pumped in my head with the rhythm of my blood.
In one second, the sweet memories in my mind twisted and burned.In one second—they were all broken and empty.
Everything between us felt hollow, stripped of the warmth and light I had come to associate with him. How could he do this? How could he tell me he never lied to me when he hid a monumental one? Ari was a coworker, a friend, and a part of my life, no matter how annoying. I had known Ari for way longer than I had known Kirill.
