Page 86 of The Tsar's Obsession
37
A Great Catch
Mia
Therewasjustpain;there wasn’t much left after I walked away from him.Him.He no longer had a name in my mind. Viv wasn’t home when I arrived, so I slumped down on the floor at her front door. And I sat there. And I cried. And I wanted to die.
“Mia! Oh my God, are you alive?! What the fuck happened?!” Her voice startled me out of my dark trance while she assessed me balled up on the floor. “Oh my God, Mia, what…what’s going on? Are you okay?!” Poor Viv, I was sorry I did this to her. My old apartment was off limits—the last time I was there, I was withhim.
My tongue wouldn’t cooperate. I couldn’t explain what happened. But she understood. She held me and cried with me. She hugged me while I shook in pain and devastation.
There was nothing in my life. Day and night, Viv’s guest bedroom became my prison. I stayed in bed, drifting in and out of delirious heartbreak at nighttime and silently crying during the day.
I don’t want to be disappointed. I don’t want the headache. But the truth was I didn’t want the heartache. I never wanted heartache again.
My own words oscillated inside my head like an earworm.I never wanted the heartache again.But this wasn’t heartache; this was heart obliteration. This was the breakdown of everything I held true. This was a bomb that wiped out my whole spirit.
The fairytale was shattered.
“Girl, you have to eat something.” Viv’s voice, laden with worry, woke me from my miserable slumber. “Here, it’s just a piece of bread with butter.” The plate was gently placed in front of my eyes, but I left it there. Instead, I drifted back into oblivion, devastated and refusing to participate in life.
My phone died days ago, and I didn’t bother turning it on. All my clients had probably fired me by now, but I didn’t care. I cared aboutnothing.
One day. Two. Five. Seven. Time had no meaning. I was empty. Lifeless. There was darkness inside me. Agony, betrayal, and the pitch-black shadow of his lie.
"Mia? It’s time to get out of bed, babe. It’s been like a week. Let’s go take another shower; that made you feel better a few days ago, right?” Viv was so tender, talking to me like I was a toddler. “I’ll help. Come. And then we can take a short walk downstairs and go for breakfast. Come on.”
Her warm hand pulled on my lifeless fingers to help me sit on the edge of the bed, but that only made everything worse. My head spun, and nausea suffocated me. Surprising, since there was nothing to bring up. I slumped back down.
Viv tried again. She smelled so nice. She always smelled so nice. There were nice things in the world. My thoughts were disjointed and broken, but I held onto her shoulder while she slowly walked me to the shower. She turned the water on and left me in front of the mirror, her worried eyes darting away from me.
Everything hurt, the lights were too bright, and my head pounded without respite, but my reflection caught my attention. Who was that? My eyes were sunken in and tinted gray and blue. I was emaciated and depleted, a permanent crease in between my eyebrows completing the resemblance to a corpse.
Where was that pretty girl who always looked back at me? Where was that confident woman? Who destroyed her?Hedid.
As the hot water beat down on the top of my head, I sat on the floor of the shower and drank the water that collected at my lips. What was I supposed to do next? His lie settled into every single part of my brain, intoallof me.
Why did he do this? The wretched question burrowed itself like a parasite inside me. Was he a different man back then, like he said? No. Did I change him? No.
How was he? I missed him so much.
Every single thought about him was now bittersweet. Every memory, every moment was overshadowed by what he did to Ari. Overshadowed by his lie.
“Call Carly,” I told Viv after my shower, my voice rough and broken from lack of use. “Ask her to come with us. Please.”
An hour later, my omelet stared at me, but I was repulsed by the sight of food. Viv chewed slowly, watching me like a hawk, as if afraid I would stab the fork into my own eye. One thing Viv knew about me was that I didn’t do well with breakups. And this wasn’t a breakup. This was death.
Carly stepped into the diner, and my heart left my body. I had to tell her what happened.Ihad to deliver the news. "How is she?" she whispered to Viv, as if I was deaf.
"I have something that belongs to Ari.” I decided to rip the band-aid off immediately. My hand outstretched, I plopped the chain into Carly’s open palm, carefully watching her confused reaction. But in a second, she recognized it and gasped, the sound piercing me like a knife.
She was silent for what felt like forever, but then—
"You!?” she hissed. “You’re responsible for everything that happened to him?!" Carly’s face blazed, and she was on the verge of physically attacking me; I was sure of it. With all the strength I could muster, I explained what happened in a monotone voice, struggling to find the strength to speak.
Viv’s jaw dropped at the information, but Carly? Carly wasabout to blow up. "You fucking bitch!" she shouted, her usual composed and gentle demeanor completely gone. "You’re responsible for this! I can't believe you've been my friend throughout all this!"
The usual din of the restaurant halted within a second as heads turned toward Carly, who had pure rage and vitriol on her face. "You’re abadperson, Mia! You and your fucking boyfriend brought so much pain on all of us! I hope you get what you deserve! Dating a fucking killer!? What did you expect?!” Her anger rushed out of her, and it was akin to being punched in the face. “Iknewhe was a fucking shithead; I knew it! Your fucking criminal boyfriend should be in prison for life!”
