Page 25 of Forever Yours
“That’s good, Ma. What made you go this time? And where’s James?” I shove my hand through my hair. Knowing my parents, he’s probably not far from her. Probably waiting in the parking lot to hand her something to smoke after she gets out.
“Your dad didn’t come. I left him. For good, this time.”
Yeah, right.“Really? How long you been gone from him? A day? Two days?” I ask skeptically.
“Honey, I left him three months ago, not long after you came to see us.” She pauses and I hear her take a long deep breath. “I’d been thinking of leaving for months but seeing you, seeing the way he treated you. I couldn’t…I couldn’t stay anymore.”
I snort. “What was any different this time from all the others? It’s not like he hasn’t acted that way before.” I’ve spent most of my life trying to figure out how my mother could watch him hit me and not take action. It’s taken twenty-one years to harden myself enough to accept that maybe she never really cared. Now, she’s saying she suddenly does? Anger, sadness, feelings of complete loss ache within me.
Her voice wavers. “I know. I let everything go on for far too long. I looked at you that day and thought, my boy is grown. When did that happen? All the years I’ve lost.” She sighs. “Leah Richards came to see me one day and we sat outside and talked. I was drowning and she threw me a life raft. She’s been offerin’ to help me for years. I know she practically raised you along with those kids of hers. She was talkin’ about you and all you’ve accomplished…and I don’t know what clicked, but something did. I just couldn’t…I couldn’t…” The tears in her voice break me.
“Ma, it’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it. I’m fine.” Making her feel guilty won’t make my childhood any less shitty. Maybe it’ll make me feel better for a moment, but in the long run it won’t change anything.
“No, it’s not okay,” she says firmly. “I owe you so many apologies, son. I’m learning though. I’m learning why I am the way I am. Did I ever tell you that your Grandma Celia was an alcoholic?”
I raise an eyebrow. I only met Grandma Celia a few times. She disapproved of my mother’s marriage to James and made it known. From what I remember, she was a stuffy old bird.
“No, I had no idea,” I say softly.
“She was, and when your dad came along, I was just so ready to get away from home. I wanted to get out of there. So, I traded one hell for another. And unfortunately, I dragged you down with me.”
“You did the best you could, Ma,” In her way, she had. Addiction had sapped her of the woman she once was. There were glimpses of a good mother in there.
She blows out a long breath. “No, you deserved way better than you got. Way better.”
A lump forms in my throat. “Can I ask you something, Mama?” I’m back to calling her my childhood name for her, but I can’t help it.
“What son? Ask me anything?”
“Why wasn’t I enough? Wh…what did I do wrong?” I barely get the words out, but they’re the words I’ve always wanted to ask.
“Liam, you did nothing wrong, sweet boy,” she says in an anguished tone. “You were perfect. It was me and your dad that were screwed up. And you are not us. You’re nothing like us. It took me years to realize that I’m not my mother, and I won’t have you thinking you’re just like me either. The people that raise you don’t have to be the people that define you.”
I rub my eyes with the back of my hand. “Thanks Ma. I needed to hear that. I’ll come visit you soon.”
“I would like that, son. I would really like that. I love you.”
“Love you too, Mama.” I sit there staring at the phone for a long time after I hit the End button. Maybe this time, rehab will work. Maybe it won’t. But it felt nice to hear those words.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Sometimes all it takes is one person to make you see things differently. -Liam
Liam
The phone rings while I’m still staring at it in my hand. When an unknown number pops up, I immediately answer it, thinking it may be my mom again.
“Look, you numb nuts, you hurt my girl, but for some god forsaken reason, I find myself still rootin’ for you.” A feminine voice full of anger and attitude fills my ear.
I hold the phone away slightly. “Reina?”
“Yeah, you fucker it’s me.”
“What’s going on? Is Sophie okay?” I stand up and I’m ready to go into rescue mode again.
“No, you idiot, you broke her heart.”
I slump back down onto the bed. “I know, Reina. I didn’t mean to, but I did.”
