Page 8 of Risky Taste
“Ronny’s gone,” I whisper.
“Ronny? Fuck, I’m sorry, Noah. I didn’t know. Logan mentioned that he found you with an empty glass.” I try to shrink back, but with Sebastian crowding my space, there isn’t anywhere for me to go. “We tell each other everything.” He winks, trying to lighten the mood.
I don’t move, hanging my head, ashamed, but as per usual, Sebastian sees right through me. Gently, his hand slides from my cheek to my neck, gripping just hard enough to grab my attention again.
“I didn’t know him like you did but the way you talked about him, the way everyone did. You were everything to him, Noah.” A whine pulls from my throat as he brushes his lips against mine. “However, I do know you well enough that I know you’re blaming yourself for what happened. Noah,” his voice softens as he cups my cheeks in his hands, angling my face up to meet his gaze. “You cannot blame yourself.”
A bitter laugh falls from my lips as I press against his chest, putting inches of distance between us. “You have no idea what happened, Bast.” The name slips out and I silently curse myself for the vulnerability. “There was so much I should have done. So much I could have done to make sure that he—”
Sebastian just holds me as my words die out, soft kisses pressed against the top of my head. “Babe, I can’t imagine how much this hurts. How hard it is to lose someone so close to you. But I’m not going to let you spiral and I’m definitely not leaving you alone.” My nose scrunches up as I’m about to protest, the man shaking his head. “No, today has been stressful enough, and I know how you get when the world is a little too loud.”
There’s no room to protest, Sebastian pulling me off my desk, waiting for me to get dressed, and walking me back to the house. I’m pleasantly surprised to find the kitchen empty. “They went out for drinks.”
“And you didn’t go with them?”
“Contrary to popular belief, Noah, you’re not as invisible as you think you are. Most of us noticed you were a bit off and while you and Kurt don’t have the strongest relationship, the old you would have been a little more present.”
I nod, following behind him until I’m in my room, realizing that Sebastian is still there. My brows furrow as he kicks off his boots and socks in the corner, the man then turning around to help me out of my shirt. “Wha-what are you doing?”
“Giving you some company.”
I’m at a loss for words as he then reaches for his own shirt, revealing a wide chest covered with thick scars and tattoos, taunting me to do something more than look. Then I come back to my senses. “You can’t be here. Kurt will kill us.”
He laughs, a hearty sound as he steps up to me, resting his hands on my waist. “Babe, I really don’t give a fuck what Kurt thinks. Your brother is the least of my worries when I’m in aroom with you. The only reason I didn’t push is because you were with Heath. Now, if you tell me he’s still in your life, I’ll back off.”
“Bast, that’s not…”
“Tell me you don’t want me and I will walk back out that door. I’ll be cordial but I won’t push. You’ll be just Kurt’s little brother if that’s how you want it.” My breath catches in my throat as he gently wraps a hand around the front of my throat, his thumb pressing up against my chin. “Or you can stop lying to yourself about what you want.”
I swallow nervously before stepping back, out of reach. Sadness overshadows his expression until I reach for his hand. “I’m terrified of what he’ll do. Sometimes, he just gets so mad.” My words die on a whisper, memories of my brother’s anger and his physical retorts to situations that didn’t go his way. Unlike Heath, he never hurt me but that didn’t mean I wasn’t slightly terrified of the outbursts. “I just… not like this.”
I squeeze his hand, hoping he understands the words I’m not saying. That I’m not saying no, but that I can’t enjoy the things I used to,howI used to. Sebastian steps a bit closer, softly taking my chin between his fingers before angling my head to the side. “He hurt you, didn’t he? Touched you when you didn’t want him to?”
“Yeah. He was there before you guys came in. He was rough and I just can’t do it like that anymore.” I hate that Heath ruined what I used to crave. Sebastian’s firm touch and the way he used to handle me was something I looked forward to. Heath destroyed that. A hand around my throat terrifies me more than it turns me on.
“I can work at whatever speed you need to, babe. Within whatever parameters you need. And if that means this stays in this room for a while, I’m good with that.” Then Sebastian pulls me flush against his chest, one hand running through my hairbefore he leans down to devour my lips. I forgot how easy it was with him.
Or how dangerous it is.
And yet, the warmth he’s providing makes me want to not care.
Chapter five
SEBASTIAN
Noah fell asleep in my arms a little while ago after struggling to stay awake. I would have kept tasting his perfect lips all night long but he needed the rest, his body slowly giving out even as his mind was whirring. I had forgotten how perfect he felt pressed against me, how much I craved moments like these when it was us against the world.
When Kurt told me that he was marrying Heath, I had thought it was a joke. We had just deployed and Noah hadn’t been seeing anyone. Months later and he was hitched? It didn’t make sense. However, Noah seemed happy the few times I called him during the first year. And then I started hearing the change in his voice, the wobble in his words as he tried to paint the perfect picture.
He may not remember but there were nights he answered, drunk off his ass, talking gibberish about his future and that he missed us. I’d sit there and let him drone on, just wanting to hear his voice like a lovesick puppy. It was so fucking obvious thatHeath and him hadn’t worked out and that Noah was spiraling but halfway across the world, there wasn’t anything we could do.
Learning that he also just lost Ronny hurts because he’s been dealing with all of this shit alone, and I know if none of us said anything, he wouldn’t have reached out. Noah has always been stubborn like that but it’s eating away at him. Slowly, but surely.
However I’m here now, maybe a little too late, but I’m not letting Noah slip through my fingers again.
I’ve already wasted too much time.
I press a kiss to his forehead, sighing into his hair. He’s not close enough. Noah grunts in his sleep before his eyes snap open, focusing on mine. “You’re still here,” he breathes, a sloppy smile spreading across his face. “Kurt will be home soon.”
