Page 9 of Pieces into Place
Blake kept hoping that eventually she would connect with the baby. She loved the baby, yes, but her mind couldn’t fully register that theirchildwas inside her. Maybe it would feel more real when she could feel the baby move. At least that’s what Blake kept telling herself. One day it would happen.
Just like one day, she’d have a better relationship with Isla.
And Vera.
And Mason.
And Ellie and Brayden and Everleigh.
And, hell, Alexis.
She felt the guiltiest about Alexis. Alexis was her wife, and Blake loved her with every fiber of her being. Not only was she Blake’s rock, but she was also always there for their kids anytime they needed her. Blake knew her life without Alexis would be miserable, and she never wanted to imagine a moment without her in it.
Which did little to explain why Blake had been lying to her about going to therapy. Blake hated herself for lying. Hated how she couldn’t just admit her shortcomings and let Alexis help her through the mentally tough time she was going through. Maybe it was the years of having to parent herself and hide her emotions. Or maybe it was because she’d been acting since she was five and knew too well how to hide her true feelings. But whatever it was, Blake needed to fix it. She knew that much.
Just not right now.
After all, Maddie was over and Alexis seemed to be having a great day. So did the kids. She didn’t want to interrupt that by telling Alexis she was depressed and not going to therapy.
No, now’s not the time.
Besides, she was supposed to be attherapyin a half hour. And her mother’s birthday party was set for the next day. Blake didn’t know how she was going to mentally prepare for that event with so little time left to spare. Being around all her family overwhelmed Blake as it wasn’t something she was used to. Birthdays and holidays weren’t celebrated in the Calloway house in a big fashion.
Raises, however, were highly celebrated.
Blake hated how she had to deconstruct so much of what her father had taught her. So much of her very core could have been so different if she were raised by Isla instead of Ben. But Blake wasn’t given that option and that would bother her forever. It wasn’t fair and now that she was older and understood how much she truly missed out on. It made her so damn sad it hurt.
God, I can’t do this today.
Pushing her feelings aside, as she often did, Blake put her laptop and phone into her bag and slung it over her shoulder. Her back ached as she stood from the office chair and she put her hand on her lower back for comfort.
Maybe I’ll go to a chiropractor instead of the library.
Walking out of the office, Blake headed toward the kitchen. She watched Alexis with their kids before she saw her. Alexis looked so happy as she dipped Archer’s hand into the paint before putting it on a piece of paper. They were making hand turkeys by the looks of it, which was fitting with the holiday only a few weeks away. Maddie was helping Reese add feathers made from construction paper to her turkey as Blake walked over toward them. Blake caught Alexis’s attention as they smiled at each other.
Only for Alexis’s smile to disappear two seconds later.
“What’s wrong?”
Blake felt her heartbeat quicken. Had she let her emotions stay on her face? Her poker face better not have let her down now. “Nothing. Why?”
Alexis nodded away from the kids as they took a few steps into the hallway.
“Babe, come on. I know you and I know when something is wrong.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.” Alexis crossed her arms over her chest. “Is it the party tomorrow?”
“No, Lex, it’s not. Everything is fine.”
“Why are you lying to me?”
“I’m not…” Blake’s voice trailed off as she stopped herself from lying to Alexis about how she’d been lying to her. The hole she was digging herself into kept getting deeper. “I’m gonna be late for therapy.”
“Blake, wait.”
Tenderly, Alexis put her hand on Blake’s cheek. Part of Blake wanted to crumble right there under the single touch of her wife’s hand. But knowing Maddie and the kids were only a few feet away stopped her. Taking a step back, Blake felt Alexis’s hand fall from her face.
