Page 14 of Pieces into Place
“I know.”
“You’re right. I need to talk to her. Soon.” Turning around in her chair, Isla looked up at Vera. “Maybe after the party she and I can find some time.”
“I’ll be there however you need me to be. Always.”
“Thank you.” Standing, Isla put her arms around Vera’s neck as they embraced once again. “I love you.”
“I love you.”
Chapter 6
Blake
Blake had been debating when to go home since the moment Alexis left the library. She knew sheshouldhave never let her walk away. Going after her and begging for her forgiveness was what she should have done. Instead, Blake had been wallowing in self-pity for hours.
And running into her mother hadn’t helped.
At all.
For a moment, Blake thought about collapsing into her mother’s embrace and letting her hold her while she cried and told her what happened. She wanted Isla to hug her and tell her it was all going to be okay. Because Blake would have believed her. Blake had seen how comforting her mom could be to her siblings and to her own kids. Even to Alexis. Isla and Vera were the best moms and yet Blake couldn’t allow herself to be loved by them.
Because for Blake, she didn’t feel worthy enough to be a Mackenzie.
Mackenzies were open with each other and fiercely loved each other. Blake didn’t know how to do that. Her father was never openly affectionate to her. He never told her he loved her and sure as hell never showed he did. She’d been raised a Calloway and stuck in that mindset nomatter how much she wanted to burn down her past life in order to have a new life with her family.
Her family.
The family that, for whatever reason, still loved her.
The Mackenzies.
Growing up, Blake had to deal with every problem in her life on her own. She had to find the solutions and work through them without the help of any parental guidance or support. Blake got used to it to the point it was a daily struggle to even let Alexis help her. Letting people help her navigate the world felt like a weakness, and Blake had been trained to never let her weaknesses show.
Ben Calloway would roll over in his grave if he knew his daughter had been walking down the street crying earlier. But Blake hadn’t been able to control it. She’d gotten lunch at Carlson’s Cafe before wandering around downtown to clear her mind.
It didn’t work.
All it did was make Blake more keenly aware of how unworthy of love she was. She didn’t deserve it from her mom for reasons too numerous to name. She didn’t deserve it from Vera; they barely knew each other. And now she didn’t deserve it from Alexis.
Why Blake ever lied to her about therapy would haunt her until the day she died. Alexis didn’t deserve that. Especially not when she had done nothing but love and support Blake since the day they met. Sure, they had their rocky points, but what couple didn’t? But that still wasn’t an excuse for Blake to lie to her. That much she knew as an absolute fact.
If she could have it to do over, she would tell Alexis how overwhelming everything had slowly been becoming. And she sure as hell wouldn’t have shut her out or lied to her.
How could I have been so stupid?
Blake mentally kicked herself as she drove down the road. She’d driven by the turn to their road for over an hour, not being able to turn down it and head home. Alexis was undoubtedly home by now and it was before the kids’ bedtime, so they would still be awake. But the longer Blake waited, the harder she knew it would be.
Ripping off the proverbial Band-Aid, Blake turned down their street. The front porch light was glowing softly in the sun’s absence. Blake didn’t realize how much she missed California until moving to Canada and then Maine. Nighttime fell so quickly in the fall and winter there. But at least it matched Blake’s mood. Along with the rain still coming down, it was all just the icing on top of her shitty day.
She parked the car in the driveway as she inhaled sharply. It was harder to do these days with her expanding waistline, and Blake put her hand on her stomach. Blake felt like a part of her was broken as she thought about the baby inside her. The disconnect between her and the baby was something Blake had never expected to happen. Especially not when Alexis, Mason, and even Emily had loved being pregnant and connecting with the babies inside of them.
Pushing that thought down along with the million other ones fogging her mind, Blake headed inside the house. The kids were in their pajamas watching a movie around the TV. Blake stopped into the living room and kissed them each on the head before going into the kitchen where she found Alexis. She was wrapping a present that Blake knew was for Isla. Walking over to the kitchen island, Blake stood across from Alexis as she waited for a beat to say anything.
After all, what could she say to make lying to Alexis better?
“Hey.”
“Hey.” Alexis didn’t look up from wrapping the present. “I’m glad you came home.”
