Page 52 of Loss and Damages
“When you look at me, Jemma, do you see Leo instead?”
I tug at the tie at the nape of his neck and free his hair, the strands framing his face. His hair is a rich black like mine, and I can’t stop from imagining my mother clucking about what beautiful children we’d make. I twist my fingers in it, but it’s so soft it slips free.
He braces his hands against the edge of the counter and leans in, trapping me with his strength.
“No,” I whisper honestly. “No, Dominic, I only see you.”
“Good.”
Gently, almost cautiously, he lowers his lips to mine, and I pull him closer.
Any doubts I had about letting him take me to bed are gone. I still have things I need to tell him about Leo, and maybe, about his mother. I don’t want to be the one, God, I don’t want to be the one, but I don’t think it’s right he doesn’t know. His whole life has been defined by that one piece of knowledge he doesn’t have, and it’s not fair. Why would Athena tell me if she didn’t want him to know?
I suck in a breath as he moves his lips down my jaw and to the curve of my neck. She’s counting on me to fall in love with him. I won’t risk telling him because if I do, he’ll leave me.
Tipping my head back in realization, but what Dominic thinks is permission, I want to howl at how unfair it is. She’s depending on my love for him to keep my mouth shut.
I don’t love him. Not yet. But it’s there, just under the surface, waiting.
Will it be there in the sun’s rise? Will it be there as we make quiet morning love? Or will it be there as he drives away, and I stand there, not knowing if he’ll ever come back?
I could tell him now. Push him away and tell him now. Watch him slam out the door in anger. Maybe he’d call me a liar. Maybe he’d accuse me of wanting to hurt him because I don’t agree with the purchase of the 1100 block or Oakdale Square. It wouldn’t matter because he’d hate me for spreading lies about his family and I’d never see him again.
It’s what I wanted the first afternoon he stopped by the gallery and confronted me about Leo’s and my relationship. I never wanted to see him again. I wanted to be free of the Milano family, but now I can’t. I’m stuck like a fly in a sticky spider’s web. The more I struggle the tighter its grip. I don’t know the other half of Athena’s story, and I need to before I tell Dominic anything. I need to be able to tell him the whole truth.
He leans away. “I lost you somewhere.”
“I didn’t go anywhere. Dominic,” I say urgently, gripping his shirt, staring into his eyes. “I’ll always be here for you. No matter what. No matter what happens with the purchase, or what you do with Oakdale Square. If one of us walks away, it will be you. Do you hear me?”
He presses his palm to my cheek and searches my face. “Jemma, that’s a serious promise.”
“I know it is, but if something happens, I want you to know that I’m here for you. Always.”
“What’s going to happen? What’s going on?”
I force a smile. “Nothing. I wanted you to know, that’s all. Can we have some wine before you carry me to bed?”
“I’ll do you one better. Can we have wineinbed?”
“That’s perfect.”
I carry the bottle and he brings the wineglasses, and without a hint of hesitation, I lead him to my room. I crawl onto the bed, pour the wine, and set the bottle on my nightstand.
Sitting on the edge of the mattress, he hands me one but stops me before I can sip. “To tonight,” he says, resting the rim of his glass against mine.
“Only tonight?”
“No. Not only tonight. I want to be a part of your life, if you’ll let me.”
“I would like that.”
I sip, but it’s more of a gulp. I need the fizz because I’m nervous. Dominic would never hurt me, but I’m afraid I won’t be enough. I’m not a virgin and I’ve had my share of men fora woman my age, but Dominic’s older, more experienced, and I don’t want to disappoint him.
The sun has almost set casting the sky a purplish pink, and it lightens the bedroom just enough I can see his features through the shadows. The dark has always comforted me and another reason I don’t miss living in the city.
He drains his glass and sets it on the nightstand near the bottle. He’s dressed in slacks and a dress shirt rolled at the sleeves, the scent of grease and heat lingering in the cotton. I hope I don’t smell. My deodorant wore off a long time ago. Dominic surprised me dropping by unexpectedly, and I hadn’t thought of applying more. Now my skin is sticky with sweat from our walk and my hair is a limp mess. If I was more sophisticated and lived in a place more suited for a man like him, maybe I would have suggested a shower first, but I’m not and I don’t.
He watches me finish my wine, and as I lick the last drops off my lips, he sets my glass next to his.
