Page 123 of Touch the Sky
“But she said it was because you have a kid.” Her voice drops like she’s ashamed. “I took up too much of your time.”
I don’t know who I want to strangle more in this moment: Claire or myself.
“Shel, you are my life.” I lean my head down and wait until she finally looks at me before I go on. “Every single minute I spend with you is precious to me. You are my number one, always, always, always.”
Her eyes are still glistening, and I can tell I haven’t quite broken through to her yet.
“That’s how Iwantthings to be,” I urge. “You are not an inconvenience. You do not take me away from other people. When I’m with you, it’s because Iwantto be with you. Do you understand?”
She blinks up at me a few times before she shuffles closer to clutch my arm.
“I understand,” she mumbles.
I sigh again and take a moment to glance up at the ceiling. If this night goes on for much longer, I’m going to start offering up prayers of salvation like Gabrielle.
“Good,” I tell Shel. “Everything else in our lives fits around that.I’mthe one who broke up with Claire, remember? And it’s because she just…didn’t fit.”
Something in me unclenches, like a knot I didn’t realize I’d been carrying around all these years.
Whenever I thought about Claire, I’d try to pick out the things I did wrong or the reasons I never should have tried dating again at all, but maybe it wasn’t ever about that.
Maybe it really was that simple. Maybe she just didn’t fit.
“Does Jacinthe fit?”
Shel’s question startles me back to the present. My face starts heating up.
I open and close my mouth a few times as I try to figure out how to explain this.
“Jacinthe and I…aren’t girlfriends,” I finally manage.
Shel gawks at me. “What?”
My face gets even hotter. We’ve gone over the basics of sex already. She’s aware it’s something people in relationships do, but explaining the concept of no-strings hook-ups to a ten year-old feels like way more than I can handle tonight.
I wrack my brain for the simplest way to put this.
“We were in my bed together because we…we have a crush on each other, but we aren’t in a relationship like I was with Claire. Does that make sense?”
She squints at me like I’m pulling her leg.
“Are yougoingto be in a relationship?” she asks.
I prop my elbows on my knees and hunch over to drag my hands down my face.
“I don’t know if that would be a good idea,” I begin. “We?—”
“But you like her,” Shel interrupts, “and she likes you.”
A strained laugh bursts out of my throat.
“That’s true,” I say, “but it’s a little more complicated than that.”
Shel thinks for a moment, and then her face falls. She lets go of my arm.
“Because of me.”
“No, honey.” I catch her hand and squeeze. “Because we live in the same house, and because I help Jacinthe on the farm.”
