Page 53 of Masked Sins
Remy
Let’s meet at my place at 6.
I heart Remy’s text while chewing on the inside of my cheek.
Great, so now my best friends know that I kissed Orion a few months ago.
Liam had seen us kissing, and he’d obviously told Zoe.
Ugh.
The night I kissed Orion at Liam and Zoe’s rehearsal dinner was the best kiss of my life… with the worst person ever.
I’d been ignoring the obvious for months now—that I was attracted to my stepbrother. It’s wrong, and I hate myself for it. Obviously because we used to have a close bond, it could lead to emotional intimacy. It doesn’t matter, though, because it’s wrong. Besides, he’d walked away after that kiss. I’ve tamped down my feelings for him because I don’t even know if they’re valid or if I’m crossing some ethical line. I couldn’t exactly talk to Zoe and Remy about it. They know how I identify, but still, it’sOrion.
It can never happen, and now I have another person in my life to give my attention to.
Nervous flutters begin working in my stomach when I think of tonight. A kink club could be the perfect place to actuallyseeif this lifestyle is something I’m interested in pursuing with Starboy.
Walking to my coffee machine, I turn it on and grab a mug. When it finishes, I add some milk and sugar and sit back against the counter. Closing my eyes, I enjoy the sweet, rich taste of the coffee. It’s only been in the last couple of years that I’ve allowed myself to enjoy things like full-fat milk and sugar. For so long, I used food as a punishment, and that meant restricting when I’d been bad. It wasn’t until I collapsed on stage one night when I was dancing for LAB that I realized I’d been given a once-in-a-lifetime chance to start over.
Two years ago, I found my therapist and started working on my food issues. I was diagnosed with body dysmorphia and EDNOS—eating disorder not otherwise specified. I wasn’t anorexic or bulimic, but I was abusing “healthy” food to the extreme. As a teenager, the only person who ever bothered to help me was Orion. My dad didn’t understand, and at the time, he was still reeling from Felicity’s cancer diagnosis. But Orionnoticed. He used to take me out for meals. He wouldn’t say anything. He’d just ask me what sounded good and order it for me. He never made me eat anything or said anything when I didn’t or commented about what I ordered.
Over time, he became my safe space—until he started drinking heavily, that is.
I finish my coffee and make a second cup, pulling things out to make a veggie omelet. Cooking doesn’t come naturally to me, but I enjoy fueling my body with foods that make me feel good—which means I just listen to what I want to eat. Sometimes that means Coco Pops for breakfast, and sometimes it’s boiled eggs and a tangerine. Letting go of the power food held over my head for so long was the key, and I now happily eat whatever I want until I’m satisfied.
Sparrow meows and slithers between my legs, and I open a can of cat food, scoop it into his dish, and set it down for him.
A few minutes later, I’m eating while I stand in the kitchen as I scroll through Reddit posts that talk about sadistic Dominants. My skin pebbles as I read a firsthand account of what it’s like to be the submissive of a sadistic Dom.
When I’m with him, I don’t have to think. I just have to exist. It’s amazing, but it’s also terrifying.
The concept of a sadist unleashing their rage upon a willing victim can be a dangerous situation.
The lack of control is a surefire way for things to go horribly wrong.
I’m not sure how common it is for Doms to work out their rage issues through kink. It’s safe when it’s consensual. Communication is paramount.
Paired with the right masochist… a sadistic Dom can be FUN.
It’s like a fresh chocolate chip cookie hot from the oven… you know you’re going to get burned whenyou bite into it, but you will love every moment of the glorious agony.
It takes a lot of self-discipline to let the sadism out but still keep control.
A sadist might enjoy causing you pain, but it’s structured around what you want, what you can handle, and what your needs are. That’s the difference between a sadist and an abuser.
I set my phone down and finish my breakfast, unease sliding through my core.
What kinds of things does Starboy enjoy doing? Is it all to fuel his sadism, or does he enjoy giving pleasure, too?
I don’t pleasure my subs. I break them.
Placing my plate and mug in the dishwasher, I walk to my bathroom and run the bath. I’m feeling antsy and nervous, and as I wait, I do some more research on sadistic Doms.
All in all, it seems… fine to me.
Liberating, even.
