Page 71 of Ten Rules for Faking It
“Why do you do this? Why do you let someone who doesn’t matter have so much control over you? Don’t you know how much better you are than he is?”
Simon wasn’t controlling her—it’d be easier to fight if he were. Everly bent at the waist and put her hands to her knees. “This isn’t about him. I needed some air. Some space. Even Pepper Potts needed a damn minute after kicking ass. I kicked ass in there. Be proud of me, or at least don’t question me. I didn’t question you when you got all weird around Rob. So how about you let this go?”
“What?” The one word rang out sharply, disrupting the quiet evening.
Everly stood up, feelings tripping over each other. “You.” She pointed to the building. “In there. You’re the queen of flirting and sexual innuendos, but when he talked to you, you clammed up like I do at a staff party.”
“You don’t attend staff parties,” Stacey said.
Everly rolled her eyes. “Nice deflection.”
“I was there to work out, not hit on one of Chris’s friends. I was there foryou.Why is it the people who love you don’t get to have an impact on your actions or how you feel about yourself? You’ll let some creep you dated for five minutes chase you out of a building but won’t take any of us at our word that you deserve better.”
Everly’s jaw dropped, and blood rushed to her head. “IknowI deserve better. I walked away fromhim.I know you don’t get how hard it was for me to do that just now, but it was. A public confrontation? I don’tdothat. So excuse me if I need five fucking minutes after to decompress without people staring at me.”
Tears burned her eyes as guilt kicked her in the lungs. Stacey always had her back even when she didn’t understand the whats and whys of Everly’s quirks.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. Thank you for coming tonight. Finish the class. Please? So I don’t feel worse than I already do?”
“Everly,” Stacey said, surprise and hurt etched into her features, woven into her tone.
She felt the sigh Stacey held back.
More than all the other things she hated feeling, Everly despised being a burden or a weight on her friend.
“I’ll text you later.” But sometimes, there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn’t stand here and pretend she could let everything roll off her shoulders. When Stacey stepped back, her face a mask of disappointment, Everly’s heart muscles clenched. Maybe she didn’t deserve friendship. She dismissed the thought, angry at herself for wallowing.Go home. Get over it. Focus on the good.Why the hell was that so hard when there was so much of it?
[24]
Everly forced herself not to think of Simon or feeling awkward at the gym or to give in to the nagging urge to text Stacey that she was sorry. She’d tell her again in person, but there was no reason to interrupt any more of her evening. Instead, she kept herself busy by working on her Facebook posts and her own journal notes.
It surprised her how much she enjoyed this piece of it. The idea of sharing without having to engage in back and forth conversation was freeing. She kept the posts short when she was reminding listeners which candidates were coming up and a little longer when describing the date. Tonight’s post was about rescheduling the last date and how it could be tricky, even for someone with a limited social calendar, to fit dating in. The other surprise was the comments on the posts.
There were several instances ofWay to go, Everlyand lots ofYou go, girl,which was an expression she just couldn’t pull off. Sometimes she answered, others she didn’t. The interaction was part of bringing the audience into the fold, but she hadn’t expected to enjoy it.
Her eyes stopped at a comment made after she’d posted about canceling on Daniel.
Ally MeyerYou’re so inspiring, Everly. I’d never get the nerve to reschedule. I can’t even find the nerve to sayyes.
Everly’s fingers hovered over the keyboard. She was no one’s guru, but she could give her own perspective.
Everly DeanThank you, Ally, but trust me when I say I take it one step at a time. Saying yes that first time and making yourself follow through really does make the next time easier.
It sent a strange thrill through her that her experience was impacting others. What if she could help others be brave by being brave herself? Not in a public forum or anything. She wasn’t signing up to give TED Talks, but interacting on Facebook in small degrees was okay.
She smiled when she saw dots pop up under her comment. Was Ally commenting back? It could just as easily be someone chiming in to be negative. There were a lot ofTake Simon backcomments peppered in between the good ones.
Ally MeyerI’m going to try. The next time my crush asks me out, I’m going to say yes. Any suggestions for how to make myself believe he’ll actuallywantto ask again?
Everly laughed. She was treading in unchartered waters. No one asked her for dating advice. It was surreal and a little unsettling.Don’t screw it up. Just be honest. What would you do?
Everly DeanIf you want the truth, I made a list of rules for myself. Things I wanted to follow through with. I needed it if I wanted to reach my goals. Could you do something similar? Make a list of what makes you awesome, just to remind yourself when you’re feeling unsure? Obviously, there’s a reason he’s asked more than once.
She almost added,You go, girl,but fortunately stopped herself.
An instant message from Ally popped up. Everly opened it,pulse pumping. She didn’t want a stalker or anything.She’s not a stalker. Just a girl who feels like you do.
Ally MeyerThank you for taking the time to respond. I’m going to do that. It’ll be good to have something to remind myself. Good luck on your next date. I’m still rooting for Owen.
