Page 30 of Soft Tissue Damage
I try to be a good father to both my children. I provide for them, protect them, love them twice as much to make up for their mother’s disinterest in them. Stealing my son’s girlfriend is pretty high on the list of things that a good father would never do.
But what if the girl in question saw me kill four men,and then kissed me like she can’t breathe without me? Now that the dust is settling, she’s still looking at me like she craves everything I am, inside and out.
I put my hands on Elena’s waist and gently back her against a bookcase. I move slowly, because she’s a wild fawn who might startle and run from me. If she does, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself from chasing after her, seizing her tightly, and pushing her against the wall. Right now I’m trying to be so gentle for her.
I caress her face and murmur, “You didn’t tell Leon about anything that happened between us? Not even the kiss?”
Elena shakes her head. She’s safe in the circle of my arms with my head bent over her.
“Why didn’t you tell him?”
“We made a mistake because of the intense situation.” But she looks conflicted. Because she doesn’t know what she wants, or because she doesn’t know if she’s allowed to have it?
I bend my head lower toward her lips, and whisper, “Was it a mistake?”
Is there a chance she doesn’t want Leon, and she wants me instead?
Her mouth is parted, and her eyes are filled with longing. Does she ever look at Leon like this, or is this needy expression just for me? We’re so close that her face is just inches from mine. I put a hand on the bookcase by her head. All she has to do is raise her chin, and I can kiss her.
“Elena, how attached are you to my son?”
I know what I’d say if she wasn’t dating my son.Be a good girl and tip those pretty lips up for a kiss.But first I have to know how she feels.
“Cullan…” she breathes.
I cup her jaw and slide my thumb over her full lips. Elena closes her eyes and arches her throat as I touch her, and desire pours through me. She shouldn’t say my name like that and respond to my touch like that if she wants me to back off. I have to know if I have a chance with her.
“Tell me. How much do you really want my son?”
“I…” she begins softly.
There are footsteps in the hallway, and Leon calls, “Elena?”
Elena gasps and lets go of me. Her eyes are stormy with confusion, and she dashes away from me and into the kitchen.
I press my fist into the wood and grit my teeth. I was so fucking close.
Leon comes in from the hallway. “Dad? I thought I heard Elena down here.”
I pull a book from the shelf and flick through it, and then turn to my son. “Elena? No, I haven’t seen her.”
6
Elena
The pew is hard beneath my knees and my legs are aching. My bloodless fingers are clasped tightly together as I whisper the same prayer again and again.
Tonight when my aunts forced me to go to church, I burst into tears in the confessional. I was on shaky ground when I arrived because of all the guilt and confusion swirling in my stomach. In the hallowed, saintly silence of the church, I felt keenly how much of a bad person I am, just like Aunt Frieda and Aunt Astrid have always told me.
Father Connell seemed pleased about my misery, and he finally gave me penance. My aunts, who must have heard me sobbing within the confessional, had hard littlesmiles on their faces as I came out of the booth, feeling like my insides had been pulverized in a blender.
Alone now in the deserted church, I speak the prayers over and over on my knees while my whole body shakes. I feel completely out of control.
My boyfriend’s dad killed four men.
I admired him doing it, and then I kissed him.
I can’t stop thinking about Cullan Grant.
