Page 26 of Finding Alfred
Chapter twenty
A few weeks later
What the fuck did I do and how to the hell did I back out of it? So much complaining about not wanting him, and now it was the total opposite. But he was out of reach, so now like a giant tease-monster, I’d pushed and pulled him. It was too late to change my mind. And everyone around me unwittingly shared in my misery. Why hadn’t Eddy fired me?
I’d give nearly anything to see another text from Jackie but didn’t bother checking my phone. There wouldn’t be one. And I was sick of re-reading the last one over and over again.
I had a meeting with Eddy coming up, so I prepared what I wanted to say. The big transfer to Foggy Basin went off without a hitch. Security was tight. Every once in a while, a bad actor popped up, but we easily dealt with that. Maybe we should send out a phishing test to the employees, though. It was a good practice to randomly throw one out. Ready, I grabbed my laptop and headed down the hall to one of the big offices. The old HQ only had one, and Eddy’s brother occupied it, but Eddy insisted they both have bigger spaces. He needed to be seen as equal, but unless he was having a meeting, Eddy hung out in what we all called The Lab, where all the programmers worked securely on various games.
I tapped on the door and went in. “Eddy. We ready?”
“Sit. Please.” I took a seat in front of his big desk, and surprisingly, he got up and circled around to sit beside me.
“I have notes ready—”
“Sorry. I don’t think we need them.” He waved me off. “Do whatever you want with security. I want to talk about something else.”
“Oh? What’s going on? You’re not in trouble again, are you?” I had been so worried during that time when his brother-in-law, now ex-brother-in-law and jailbird, had been targeting him.
“No, no. Nothing like that.” He sighed deeply, grabbing my free hand. “I’m so worried about you…and Jackie.”
Here we go.“Don’t. Eddy, please.”
“No… Damn, Alfred. You were there for me as I went through the hardest time of my life. You encouraged me, supported me, and if you think I’d do any less now, you’re fucking nuts. I mean, seriously. You’re not a simple employee here. You are part ofour leadership team. A partner, and even more, my friend. And I hate seeing you like this.” He waved his hand around my face.
Feeling the heat, I ducked my head. “Eddy…”
“What can I do to help?”
“Nothing. There’s nothing to do. We screwed it up. I screwed up. But there was never anything there to mend. Sexual attraction does not make a relationship.”
“No, but it’s the best first step.” He squeezed my hand. “Think about it. You may not see it, but Brock and I do. You two are meant to be together.”
“You’re wrong,” I huffed. And I was finished with the conversation. “If you don’t want to talk security, I’ll catch you later.”
“Fine. Go.” He crossed his arms over his chest, scowling as I walked out.
But as I headed back to my office, I hoped he was right. Maybe we could see our way through this. If… There were too many ifs.
Chapter twenty-one
A month later.
The pool was finished, and I hated the masterpiece. I wondered what it would take to fill it up with dirt and bury it. Actually, it came out beautifully with opalescent blue tiles winking along the waterline. But Alfred would never even see it, and I couldn’t look at it without thinking about him.
To better ignore it, I took my coffee to the front porch. The bookstore opened in an hour, but I wasn’t scheduled. I gotthere when I got there. So I sipped. And thought. And fuck my life. Everything about it was filled with Alfred, even drinking a fucking cup of coffee.
I’d repainted the chalkboard walls in my dining room and got rid of the café table, shoving it into the back of the shed so I wouldn’t have to look at it anymore. Fuck him.
Fuck me.
I kicked my feet up on the railing when I heard a car coming up the drive. Probably Eddy to lecture me again, but I hadn’t done anything wrong. Neither had Alfred. We just didn’t mesh. That was all. And we had to deal with it. So why the fuck did it hurt so terribly?
Dropping my feet when the car stopped, I leaned forward to see who it was. Alfred? He walked up the steps to the porch, coffee mug in hand and sat in the chair in front of me, but he didn’t say a word.
We sat there quietly for a few minutes, drinking coffee and feeling the scorching tension sizzling between us. I stared at him, but he kept his eyes on his mug. What did he want?
Then he got up and went back to his car and drove away.
