Page 104 of Queen of Thorns
“No,” Rev says. And then, he reaches behind my neck and pulls me into him. His lips crash into mine in an incredible, adoring kiss. “I love you,” he whispers as he pulls back. “We do this together. Okay?”
I’m breathless as he releases me, but I smile up at him. “We’re ready,” I tell the king. I’m ready to fight anything.
“Test number two, tell each other your deepest fear. Be honest. I will know if you are lying.”
I frown. What kind of test is this?
Honesty. It was one of the things I’d mentally listed as something he’d likely test. He wants to know how truthful we’ll be when it comes to revealing something vulnerable... even with someone we trust. My stomach sinks as I consider what kind of fears I harbor in my soul.
Rev sees me as strong, but he doesn’t really know how much darkness is inside. My palms are sweating already. “You go first,” I whisper.
Rev blinks. “Me?”
I nod quickly. Our romantic moment long forgotten.
Rev frowns. “Is there a trick?”
I press my lips together. “I don’t think so. He’s testing our honesty and willingness to be vulnerable. He sees inside of us somehow. He knows the answer, maybe even better than we do.”
“I fear losing you,” he admits, “but I’m guessing the answer isn’t quite so literal.”
I nod slowly. “It’s... something deeper. More personal.”
Rev sucks in a long breath as he considers. “I think mine will go back to my father,” Rev whispers. “And Reahgan.”
I swallow and turn my gaze away, cheeks red.
“Reahgan was my father’s favorite. He was the perfect son. Powerful, poised, intelligent, and charming. He was beloved. I was... none of those things, really.”
I frown as I return my gaze to Rev. He is all of those things... but I don’t say that because this is his time to delve deep. To sift through those feelings to uncover the fear the king wants him to reveal.
“I was quick to fear. I was too compassionate for my father’s liking. He called me dumb so often I believed him. I was shy before my brother’s death. Introverted.”
“And after his death?”
Rev purses his lips. “I changed a lot. I grew hard and angry. I didn’t care what people thought so long as they saw me as powerful. Important. So, the shyness fell away easily. Charm, I developed over time. It’s not my greatest skill, but I’m capable. I worked most at my power. I became the best fighter in the room, better than any of my trainers. I honed my magic. I proved myself in every possible way because I knew I had to be better than Reahgan or I’d always be considered a failure. Not just by my father but by everyone. And I’d shame him, my brother who should have ruled. I... tried to become him. Replace him.”
I resist the urge to take his hand.
“Even now, I... feel a desperate need to prove myself. To be powerful and important and intelligent and charming and everything the entire realms expects to see. I work so hard at it because I’m terrified they’ll see the truth. They’ll see that I’m not made for this. I’m not the right king. I’m not the right son. I’m an imposter. A fraud. I’m not as strong as I pretend to be. I’m not as powerful as they all think.”
I blink. “Inadequacy,” I whisper the word he’s searching for. Rev feels inadequate at all times, and he’s desperately trying to cover it up.
“Is that terrible?”
“No!” I say quickly. “No, it makes all the sense in the world. You’ve tried to replace your brother, and you never felt worthy. But you don’t have to replace him, Rev. You don’t have to be him. You are important and strong and powerful because of whoyouare. Not because of the position you were thrust into. You’re not his son. You’re not supposed to be. You can stop trying to force yourself to fit a mold that was never meant for you.”
His lips part as he stares at me.
“And to be honest... I was kind of afraid your fear would have been about me.”
“You?” he whispers. His warm fingers intertwine with mine.
“I thought you might... be ashamed that I am your mate. That I’m just another thing that doesn’t fit the vision you and the world had for your life, and now you’ve got to fight for even this.” I squeeze his fingers tighter.
“No,” he says, voice hoarse. “Cae, you’re the only thing I’m certain of anymore. The only anger or fear I feel regarding you is that the world doesn’t understand you. That even you don’t see how incredible you are. They’d love you, adore you, if they saw you how I do. I am so fucking proud that you are my mate. I mean that with all of my heart.”
Tears well in my eyes, and I swallow down a sob. It feels so good to hear that, to know he doesn’t resent being connected to me in a way he can’t control. But my heart sinks again because I don’t know if he’ll still feel that way if he knew my true fear.
