Page 113 of Fragile Lives
When I’m finally man enough to turn toward her, I find her standing in the same spot, her fists by her sides. Tears stream down her face. Her lower lip starts trembling, and she bites into it.
“Lei.” My voice is coarse, and it’s all I can really manage. It’s the most important word in this world—her name.
And she falls apart in front of my eyes. Her whole body quakes with shudders, and she covers her face with her hands, falling to her knees.
“Lei,” I say, stronger this time, “baby.” It hurts to speak, but she needs to hear me.
My words do the opposite, and she shakes even more. Her shoulders sag as she digs the heels of her hands into her eyes.
“Baby,” I say again. “C’mere.”
She picks herself up from the floor, and in one big jump, she throws herself on the bed where she climbs on top of me, digging her hands under my shoulders. Her thighs land on the side of me, and I can feel that she lost a lot of weight. How long was I out?
My arms barely listen to me, but with sheer willpower I manage to force them to lift and wrap around her back, holdingher onto me as she cries. If you could call it that. It’s more like a soul shattering exorcism of all her fears.
When the shudders subside, she pulls away from me but stays sitting on my legs. Her beautiful face is puffy, her nose is so red I can’t even see my favorite freckles. She wipes it with the sleeve of her white shirt and smacks my chest with her tiny fist.
“Never do that again, jerk!” A loud sniffle. “I thought I was never going to hear your voice again. Don’t do that to me anymore.” Her eyes well up again before she adds, “Please.”
“I won’t.” I croak. “Wha—” I cough, and she leans over to the table to grab the glass. She gives me another sip so I can keep talking. “What happened?”
“You don’t remember?” Her brows pull together.
I shake my head in denial.
“You saved me.” One more sniffle. “There was a shooter, and you covered me with your body. You took two bullets that were meant for me.” Tears start running down her face.
What’s wrong then? You are alive, that’s what matters,I ask her silently.
She understands, of course, she’s always got me, and she smacks me again. Harder this time. That one hurt, and I make a face. She gets scared and starts rubbing the spot she hit. “I’m sorry!” she mumbles. “I didn’t mean to actually hurt you.” I’ve never seen her more distressed and disheveled.
She begins rubbing more vigorously, making the sting worse, but like hell I’ll say anything to her. If it makes her feel better, I’m all for it.
“You were out for five weeks. Five weeks in a coma, Stephan!” Her lips begin trembling again. “The next time you pull shit like that, I’ll kick your ass.”
I smile, recognizing my Leila. Then I remember the shooter, and my face changes.
“Jake…took care of him,” she says, understanding my silent question without me actually voicing it. “He won’t hurt anyone else ever again.”
Even though it should be good news, I recognize guilt when I see it. And that’s what it is—guilt written all over her face. I wish I could speak normally now, but I’m not there yet, so I try to croak what I can, “Not your—” a cough, “fault. His actions,” a cough, “his choice.” Then I add firmer. “Not your fault.”
I force my hand to move and land atop of hers. “Not your fault,” I add again with a squeeze, and she gives me a small nod. I know we’ll be revisiting this topic a few times, and I’m ready for that. Who is more equipped to talk guilt more than I am.
Right now, I’m happy to be alive. Never thought I’d say that, but I am. I can’t imagine leaving Leila alone in this world where she’s supposed to be protected by me. It’s the sole purpose of my existence now.
“Mew.”
What’s that?
She sees the question in my eyes because she pats the space beside us and calls out to someone. “C’mon, Midnight. Say hi to Stephan.”
My eyes go round as a skinny black cat jumps onto the bed and starts purring. He settles by my shoulder and starts licking his paw.
“Remember Midnight?”
I nod in wonder—she got my damn cat here, to the hospital. I knew there were no limits for this woman.
Her familiar scent invades my nose, and I understand how much I’ve missed it. Even in the nothingness of an ocean I’d been swimming in, I got a whiff of it from time to time. She was right there, pulling me back.
