Page 125 of Rock Out Together
“What do you want from me, Luke?”
Where did I begin? I wanted the truth, about what had happened to her, about her feelings for me. We would never be able to move forwards with our lives if she didn’t open up to me. The problem was, I didn’t know if she would. I took a deep breath, my heart beating hard in my chest. I wiped my sweaty palms against the legs of my jeans.
“I would like the truth, Kate. What happened to you? Why’d you leave and just disappear?” I took another breathto steady my nerves so I could continue. “Why do you keep pushing me away?”
She gazed down at her intertwined fingers, a nervous habit she’d never gotten rid of. Lifting her gaze to mine, she gave me a sad smile.
“I guess I have to tell you really, don’t I?” she muttered, more to herself than me. Sighing heavily, she continued. “OK. Here goes. When I left the band and ran away, it’s because I’d been given some bad news and I’d guessed how you felt about me and I didn’t want to ruin your chances of success by telling you what was going on. I knew if I told you, then you’d have stayed with me and not gone after your dream and I simply couldn’t do that to you. Bear with me, I need some water. Do you want some?” she asked, rising from her seat. I shook my head, allowing her words to sink in as she went to fetch some water from the kitchen. What bad news had she received? She came back within a minute, sitting back across from me and taking a few mouthfuls of water before shakily setting the glass down.
“What was the bad news you had?” I asked gently, not wanting to frighten her away any longer but needing to know the truth.
“I had cancer.”
I stared at her in horror. Cancer? That’s why she’d left us? Me? I leaned forwards in my chair, ready to speak but she held up her hand to stop me.
“It’s fine. I’m in remission now, but it was serious at the time and I didn’t want any of you worrying about me so I kept it to myself. The day I left the band was when I had myresults from the doctors. I needed surgery to remove it. That’s where I got the scar,” she clarified, as though reading my mind. “Since then, I’ve just been trying to heal and move forwards with my life.”
I didn’t say anything for several minutes. She didn’t rush me, just sat waiting patiently as I absorbed this news. Kate had been fighting such a serious illness all this time and she’d never said a word! Due to some sense of protection? It was absurd!
“You should’ve told me. I’d have been there for you,” I told her, annoyed that I hadn’t seen the signs that she was ill. She must have kept it hidden very well indeed. Kate gave me that sad smile once more, and I didn’t know what was worse. Not knowing it had happened, or the fact that she had resigned herself to facing it alone. I stood up and moved over to where she sat, crouching down in front of her. I took her hands in mine, lacing my fingers with hers. “You should have told me, Kate.”
“How could I? You were set for stardom.” At my questioning look, she explained further. “I knew the scouts would be there to offer you a contract. I worked there so of course I knew when the scouts would be at the shows. I wasn’t going to be the one who stopped your dream and now look at you! You made it! You guys are amazing, just like I knew you would be.”
I hung my head, squeezing my eyes shut as I imagined her fighting alone, simply because she’d put our desires first. My heart felt heavy with the knowledge I hadn’t been there for her. I reopened my eyes, piercing her with my gaze.
“And now? Why do you keep refusing now?” I whispered the question, needing an answer but afraid to know it. Tears brimmed up in her eyes, the clear liquid escaping and running down the length of her cheeks as the skin became a blotchy red colour.
“I don’t want to hold you back,” she murmured, almost imperceptibly.
“You won’t,” I crooned softly, lifting one hand up to wipe away her tears with my thumb.
“What if it comes back? I’m so scared of giving you my heart, Luke, and having it come back. I don’t want you to put me first because I know that’s exactly what you would do. You have your career, your dream to think about. I would just be an added complication.”
Shit. She really believed that. I could tell from the way she said it, the way her jaw grew taut as she tried to be courageous and push me away. I wasn’t having it this time. I simply wouldn’t accept it. I loved this woman and she was going to know it. I moved slowly, bringing myself to her level until our noses were nearly touching. Her eyes grew wide but she didn’t move. I cupped her cheek in my hand, relishing the moment that she leaned into my touch as I brushed my lips against hers. I pulled back, waiting for her to push me away. Nothing happened. Her eyes were closed, her mouth hanging open slightly. Hope bloomed inside of me.
“I will always put you first, Kate, you’re right about that,” I murmured softly against her lips. She opened her eyes to peek up at me. “But I will always love you and I don’t want to be without you. If the cancer comes back, then we will face ittogether. You will not be alone again, I promise you that. You know I love you. I know you love me. Will you please take a chance on us? Trust me enough to love you.”
“Everything is screaming at me to say no,” she muttered, causing my heart to clench, “but I want to say yes. I love you, Luke.”
It took a moment for that to sink in. I grinned at her, crashing my mouth against hers and kissing her with everything I had inside of me. She giggled against my lips, her body melting into mine as she finally gave up fighting me on this. She kissed me back.
Finally, she was my Kate.
Epilogue – Kate.
The summer was coming to an end and we were down to the final gig that Midnight Kiss would play at Sweet Dreams, the place that had helped me through some of my darkest days in recent years. When I needed to throw myself into work, Ted had allowed me to use the office whenever I needed to, never questioning me on it. When I told him I was handing my notice in and leaving, he’d been great about it. He’d already made me promise to come back in the future, then gave me a hug, saying he’d always seen me a bit like a kid sister and if I ever needed anything, I just had to ask. That was sweet.
It had been a wonderful summer, possibly the best one ofmy life, yet I was fearful of what the future might hold. Luke kept telling me I worried too much and perhaps he was right. It was just hard to shake the feeling. Either way, it was too late now.
Luke had professed his love to me that night and we’d gotten down and dirty, right there on the living room floor. There was no going back from that and truthfully? I didn’t want to. I loved him, always would.
“Hey, you ready?” the man who dominated my thoughts asked, touching my arm to make me aware he was there. I jumped. I was so lost in my own head I hadn’t noticed him until he spoke. I grinned up at the man I now called mine.
“I’m ready. How’d you feel about playing here for the final time?”
“Hmmm. I’m excited,” he replied, a mischievous glint in his eye. Intrigued, I prodded him for more information.
“OK. Why are you excited?” I queried. He snaked an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close so he could press a tender kiss on the top of my head as he hugged me.
