Page 120 of The Formation of Us
Everything was confusing. And scary.
Duke said the judge might try something sneaky. So he’d told his brothers the truth about Faith and their mother’s brothel. Faith worried they would hate her, but Duke’s mother had come the next evening and talked to her in the kitchen for a long time. Then she’d hugged Faith in the foyer and told her she was a strong woman. Adam didn’t know why she said that, but it seemed to make Faith happy
Adam wanted to learn how to use a gun, but Duke said no, that he was only supposed to run for help if Stone showed up. Duke didn’t trust him. He didn’t say that, but Adam knew it was true. He hadn’t been able to stop the judge from taking Cora, so Duke didn’t trust him to protect their family. Adam promised he could do better with a gun, but Duke had only yelled at him. Then later, he’d said he was sorry for yelling, and that he just wanted Adam to get help and keep himself safe if something happened.
But Duke was disappointed in him; Adam could tell. And it made his throat ache so bad he could hardly breathe. He buried his face in his pillow. He was weak and stupid. And scared of everything.
Morning light shone outside his window when he opened his eyes and heard people arguing. His bedroom was above the kitchen, and he could smell coffee and hear the rumble of tense voices.
A jolt of fear sat him up in bed. What if it was the judge!
He threw off the covers, pulled on his trousers, then crept downstairs as fast as he could. They were in the kitchen, and he heard Duke’s voice as he tiptoed across the foyer and through the dining room. If Duke was in there, maybe everything was all right.
“I think the boy should know, but I’ll leave this up to you, Faith.” The lawyer’s voice made Adam pause outside the kitchen door.
“Since you can’t step in now, I think it will hurt him, and just make matters worse,” she said.
“The boy has a right to know.” Duke sounded frustrated.
“I’m not denying his right.” She sounded ready to cry. “But what purpose will it serve? It’s been too long. This will just confuse him.”
“I think it will answer some of his questions,” Duke argued.
“What if it doesn’t?” she demanded, her anger surprising Adam. Faith never got angry. “What if it just hurts him? What if it reminds him of all the years his father wasn’t around for him? That’s not useful, Duke. Even if he has a right to know, it won’t serve him.”
“If it were me,” Duke said, “I’d want to know.”
“Well, it’s not you. It’s Adam, and I’ve been caring for him since he was born. I’m not going to hurt him with this.”
Adam was already shaking from jumping out of bed, but his stomach got real queasy. They were talking about him. And his father.
Duke huffed out a breath like he was mad. “It hurts him every day to not know who his father is.”
“What makes you an authority?” she asked. “You never spent a day of your childhood wondering about a man who wasn’t there. Adam has spent his whole life that way, and nothing’s going to change. Is it?”
“I don’t know,” the lawyer said.
His answer confused Adam. Why would Faith ask the lawyer that question? Did the lawyer know who his father was?
“I’m willing to try, but I don’t think I can be the kind of father Adam needs. I can’t be here all the time, and he wouldn’t want to leave you, so . . .”
Adam’s stomach felt like it dropped to his ankles. Thatlawyer manwas his father? That skinny, big-eyed, sharp-talking man with the fancy suit was his father? No wonder he’d been looking at Adam so strangely last night. Was he here to take Adam home with him?
He didn’t want to go anywhere with the man. Is that what Duke was saying? That Adam had to go with his real father? Is that why Faith sounded like she was going to cry?
Well, he wasn’t going. He shoved the kitchen door open and glared at the surprised lawyer. “I’m not going anywhere with you. I don’t care who you are. I don’t need a father!” Tears choked him and Adam ran to the foyer. He grabbed Duke’s heavy hunting coat off the hall tree and his muddy boots by the door, then bolted outside. If they couldn’t find him, they couldn’t make him go anywhere with that man.
He ran barefoot and bare-chested across the frost-covered yard, then followed the creek. Sniffling and huffing, he stopped to stuff his freezing feet into the cold boots. He laced them tight, but they were still too big. Shivering, he pulled Duke’s coat on and buttoned it clear to the collar. He backhanded his eyes, and trudged down the rocky gorge. Why didn’t Duke want him around?
“Adam!”
He looked up and saw Rebecca standing on the creek bank with one of her horses. She smiled and waved at him, but he ducked his head and ran into the trees. He didn’t want her to see him crying.
He walked until he was at the place Duke kept his boat, then ducked beneath the branches of the pine trees. Duke’s boat was still there, turned upside down to keep the rain and snow out.
He sat on the hull and looked up to the tree tops. No warming shafts of sunlight filled his private cathedral, just a cold gloomy darkness that made him cry.
He didn’t lie anymore. And he’d only stolen that brush for Faith. He’d done everything Duke asked of him. Why did they want to send him away?
