Page 38 of Shattered
"But-"
I pressed my thumb against her lips and shook my head, "No buts and no pressure for this weekend. Momma is just curious about you and that's my fault."More hopeful than curious. I hadn't shown much interest in women since the accident.
Without thinking, I pulled her to me. It was only when she was cradled against my chest that I realized that she came without hesitation, not even caring that I was dirty and stank of motor oil.
Something else hit me just then. Falling for this woman would be the easiest thing in the world but letting her go would be impossible. The mere thought that this moment—and my time with Harper—could be limited had me squeezing her tighter to me.
I wanted this woman in every single way a man could want a woman and the thing that petrified me most was that she wasn't even close to feeling that way about me. Before I could voice the craziness going on in my head, I pulled back and started to bend down for a kiss. I was so close to tasting her mouth, I could feel her breath on me and then…
"No. Nope!" Brett's voice was equivalent to taking a bucket of ice over the head. "I'm declaring the shop a smooch-free zone!"
At the sound of my untimely friend's chuckle, Harper pressed her head deeper into my chest. By her shaking shoulders, I could tell that she was laughing too, and I had to resist the urge to tell her that I'd do anything to keep seeing her like this.
"I've got to get back to work, I didn't even tell Chase I was leaving." The breath left my lungs when she pulled back and I got to look at her pretty face. What was once so guarded and troubled now seemed almost—almost—carefree. Sure, all of her doubts were still visible, but I knew I wasn't imagining it when I saw hope there too.
And I definitely tasted it when I pressed my mouth to hers. Behind me, I heard Brett's "Ah, man!" Lifting my hand high, I flipped him off because where Harper was concerned, there was no such thing as a smooch-free zone.
I had been going back and forth on whether to attend this BBQ or not and ultimately decided that I was going. I would have liked to believe that I was just doing this to see the joy on Flynn's face when he saw the animals, but apparently, I couldn't even lie to myself anymore.
I found that I wanted to know everything there was to know about this man who had managed to make me feel normal. I was being downright selfish because even though I wanted to know him inside out, I wasn't prepared to give him the same.
It wasn't because I didn't want to. More than once I'd caught myself itching to tell him who I really was and what I was running from. But what good would that do? He might be big and strong, but Logan couldn't protect me and Flynn from Drew. No one could.
Also, we weren't his responsibility.
Turning right, I followed Logan's truck, in my Nissan, as we gradually made our way down the long dirt road that supposedly led to his parents' house. The view was spectacular. Through the imposing trees, that shadowed the path, I could see nothing but green land and blue skies overhead.
Even Flynn perked up, pressing his hands and face against the window as he tried to take everything in. Maybe I should've told him to sit down and buckle up, but we weren't driving that fast and that smile on his face… It caused my heart to cry.
After a couple of minutes, a white building came into view, but it didn't hold my attention too long. I was more focused on the big yellow barn adjacent to it.
"Aren't barns supposed to be red, mommy?"
I stole a quick glance at my boy, a frown way too big marring his small features. "They can be whatever color you want them to be."
"Really?" He sounded incredulous. "Even blue or green."
"Yes, baby. Even blueandgreen."
"Cool."
With a laugh, I shook my head and pulled to a stop behind Logan's truck. Both my hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles were turning white. I thought I was ready for this, I was wrong.
Inside my chest, my heart started to race and panic licked its way down my spine. Before I could whip the car in reverse and get the hell out of there, my door swung open.
"Take a breath, sugar."
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Logan turn off the ignition before dropping to his haunches and placing his hand just above my denim-clad knee.
"You don't have to go in there if you don't want to." His voice was tender as he gave my knee a gentle squeeze. Right that second, I hated him for being so gentle and understanding with me. For making me want to stay - possibly forever.
"Mommy?"
To my right, Flynn's little face was filled with confusion. My poor child. I couldn't back out of this now. How was I going to explain it to Flynn? I gave him a reassuring smile and then said, "Go ahead baby, I'm right behind you." Then I turned my attention back to the man patiently waiting for me. A flame of emotions burned in his dark gaze, I had no hope of understanding them all.
I let out a slow breath and nodded my head after which Logan pushed to his feet and held out his hand. "Are we doing this?"
My gaze flitted between his hand and his achingly beautiful face before settling on his hand again. Pressing my palm against his, I said the only thing I could say at that moment.
