Page 33 of An Inconvenient Marriage
Oh my gosh. My cheeks heated when my mind provided an image of Zach standing before me holding food against my mouth. I didn’t even know why I’d taken the bite. There was just something in the way he’d ordered me to eat that made me want to do just that.
I’d wanted a whole lot of other things, too, when he took my chin between his fingers and thumb and lowered his face to mine.
Out of everything that happened,thatwas the moment playing inside my head on a freaking loop.
Would he have kissed me if his phone hadn’t rung?
Would I have let him?
I honestly couldn’t answer that last question. I knew Zach made me feel things I’d never experienced before. My body had never ached to be touched. My breasts had never felt as heavy and sensitive as they had this morning.
And I most definitely had never experienced such a profound throbbing between my thighs.
But even with all that, I wasn’t sure if I could go through with anything if the moment ever presented itself.
I wasn’t who he believed me to be.
I was a liar.
I was damaged.
No one wanted a damaged liar.
Swallowing the sudden rise of emotion, I searched for my phone and called the one person who could cheer me up.
“Hi, sweetie,” Everlee cooed when she answered the phone. “How is yourhoneymoongoing?”
I laughed before I could help myself. “It’s been interesting.”
“Oooh, do tell.”
Ignoring the way my cheeks heated, I relayed the morning’s events to my best friend. As embarrassed as I was, explaining everything I’d felt wasn’t hard. She was the only person in the world I’d be this open with.
That thought had my mind shifting to the conversation Zach and I had had in the car about siblings and realized I was wrong. I did have someone. Everlee. She was more family to me than my own blood.
“Oh wow.” Everlee blew out a long breath. “I gotta tell you that was unexpected but I’m not mad about it. It’s about time you get in touch with your inner vixen.”
I groaned. “I am no vixen.”
“Sure you are. All it takes is the right partner, someone who makes you feel valued and safe. I guarantee that kind of person can turn anyone into a sex goddess.” She paused for a few moments, then softly added, “Even someone who feels broken.”
She was the only person who knew what I really thought about sex. It wasn’t something I was interested in having again. Or at least that’s what I’d always thought. Now I wasn’t so sure.
“It won’t always be like it was with Henry,” Everlee said. “Hell, it’s never supposed to be like that.”
“I know… I’m just… ugh… I don’t even know what I’m afraid of.” I shook my head at myself and walked to the open French doors. The city beyond was buzzing and alive. “The only thing that’s certain is that I have never experienced these feelings before. And I want it to go away.”
“No, sweetie.” Everlee laughed. “You want Zach to make it go away. And that’s okay,” she quickly added. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a man’s touch. And…” There was another pause, and when she spoke again, her voice was a lot softer than before. “There’s also nothing wrong with taking care of that yourself.”
Yet again, my cheeks grew red hot with embarrassment. For the first time since we’d become friends, I regretted telling her every little detail about myself. She’d never once made fun of me for not self-exploring, and I knew she wasn’t doing it now.
But knowing that she knew how stupidly turned on I was by Zach and the way he looked at me, and that I probably wouldn’t do a damn thing about it, filled me with shame.
Luckily for me, the universe saved me from my terrible embarrassment when two sharp knocks sounded.
“I’ve gotta go, there’s someone at the door.”
“All right… but remember what I said, though.”
