Page 43 of The Comeback Road
The thought of him being there sent butterflies swirling in my stomach, and yet, the fear of rejection nagged at me like a persistent itch.Will he see through the cracks in my facade, and realize I’m not worth the trouble in the moments when I feel vulnerable and raw? He didn’t want me when I was whole, why would he want me now, when I feel broken?
I tried to keep my focus on the logistics of the day-to-day; wake up, shower—maybe, get dressed, eat, sleep, breathe, survive, repeat.
Breathe, survive, repeat.
Breathe, survive, repeat.
Chapter Forty-Three
Jace
I pushed my cart through the aisles of the store, glancing down at my phone as I waited for Magnolia’s response to my previous message in the group chat I had created with her and Sloan.
Me: Let me know if she eats the pasta.
I was unsure if Lexie had any idea that it was me who was making her meals, but it was. Was I a good cook? No. Were some of my eggs burnt? Yes. Did I watch a YouTube tutorial on how to make spaghetti? Yes. And I was currently waiting for a message back to see if she ate it. My phone dinged with a response as I was putting orange juice in the cart.
Magnolia: Spaghetti for the win.
Sloan: Far step up from some of the other meals.
Sloan had offered to cook for her, to make sure it was “edible,” but it was something I wanted to do. Something Ineededto do,even if she never knew it was me. I opened the note app on my phone and added spaghetti to that list.
Currently, we had just a few meals. Eggs, but only scrambled—all eggs other than scrambled came back untouched. Bacon, of course. Yes to deli meat sandwiches, but absolutely not if they were heated up. Pepperoni was the only acceptable pizza topping. My attempt at beef stroganoff had come back untouched, but I’m pretty sure Magnolia and Sloan fed it to their dogs when I headed upstairs to drop off Lexie’s plate at her door. Who could eat almost an entire plate in forty-five seconds?
“Jace,” I heard from behind me. I almost kept walking, but figured that would be rude.
“Jess, it’s been a minute.” I barely turned toward her as I looked up easy recipes on my phone and cataloged ingredients I would need.BLTs. Easy enough. Burgers—possibly my only speciality. I just need the buns…
“Are you okay in there?” Jess reached up and tapped the left side of my head with her pointer finger. It was only then that I remembered she was next to me, and apparently, we were having a conversation.
“Just distracted. You good?” I asked her as I kept making my way toward the buns. At that moment, I also realized I really hadn’t seen her since she had handed me the signed papers. I couldn’t help almost feeling guilty, but that thought quickly disappeared.
“I’m good. I didn’t know if I was going to stay at first, but Rockland has its charm. And I found a place to live. A decent roommate so far also.”
“Hm. Good for you, Jess. Really.”
My phone pinged again, and I shot her a half glance. “Well, I gotta finish up here. Good to see you.”
I could tell I was leaving her half stunned in the grocery aisle, but I didn’t have time. Magnolia’s text just said that Lexie camedown and asked them if there was any more spaghetti left. My heart soared, and I started to look up recipes for all kinds of pasta.
My trip took significantly longer than I had anticipated, and the nine cheeses I had in my cart were the main reason. Colby-Jack, Monterey Jack, Parmesan, a smoked cheese that I could smell through the packaging, Asiago, mozzarella, feta, cheddar, Brie, havarti. And on the menu for the next week were pastas I’d never even heard of, all needing a different type of cheese.
The teenager who was checking me out had no qualms about asking me, though. “That’s, uh…That’s a lot of pasta and cheese. Do you know what you’re doing?” She popped a bubble with her gum, giving me the unbothered attitude that all teenagers seemed to carry.
“No, but I’m trying to learn.”
She nodded her head as if that were enough of an answer, and I realized I had one last thing I needed to do.
“Hey, do you know who orders your wine?”
Chapter Forty-Four
Lexie
Outside, the ground was layered in snow—the kind that muffled sound and added a silent stillness to everything. I lay in bed, cocooning myself in blankets that seemed to shield me from the real world. The dim glow of my lamp on my bedside table barely seemed to penetrate the dark corners of my room, the flickering shadows dancing across the walls like ghosts of happiness I could no longer remember. I wanted to reach out and touch them or join them, but I couldn’t yet decide.
It was Christmas Eve, and the excitement that used to fill me with joy only seemed to deepen the weight I carried around, reminding me that life was still moving, but I just felt stuck.Put on pause, unsure of what came next.
