Page 11 of The Cauldronball Run
"There," he breathed, his voice tight with vindication."Team Eight: J.J.Grimjaw in a fake ambulance that's about as legitimate as a unicorn in a petting zoo."
"How can you tell it's fake, Daddy?It looks like a regular ambulance to me."
Grizz shot his son a scornful look."Boy, you wouldn't know a real ambulance from an ice cream truck playing 'Für Elise.'Listen to that engine.That ain't no standard emergency vehicle motor.That's a racing engine wearing an ambulance costume."
"It sounds normal to me, Daddy."
"That's because you got ears like a deaf mule.And look at how that orc moves around it, like he built every bolt and gasket himself.Real ambulances don't get custom modifications that make them sound like purring lions."
Grizz watched as the massive orc climbed out of the driver's seat, followed by a woman with dark hair who had to be his recruited partner.She was checking equipment through the back windows, looking every inch the professional paramedic who had no idea she'd been recruited for criminal activity.
"Look at that poor little lady," Grizz muttered, adjusting the focus on his binoculars."Innocent as a newborn lamb, thinking she's doing legitimate medical work while that green sumbitch is using her credentials to cover his illegal racing operation."
The woman was nodding seriously as J.J.explained, gesturing toward the back of the ambulance with the kind of elaborate hand movements that screamed total fabrication.
"She's buying his story hook, line, and sinker," Grizz observed."That orc's got more lies than a campaign speech, and she's believing every word."
"Are you gonna arrest them now, Daddy?Mr.Snuggles thinks we have enough evidence."
"Not yet, boy.Right now, it just looks like a regular ambulance making a pickup at an auto garage.I need to catch them in the act of racing before I can prove criminal intent and conspiracy."
Inside the garage, Grizz could see someone addressing the gathered racers.It was probably the race coordinator giving final instructions.The supernatural crowd was listening with the intensity of students before a final exam.Their engines were idling, ready to bolt at the first opportunity.
"This is it.Soon as they leave that garage and start speeding like bats out of hell.They'll be in violation of more traffic laws than I can count on both hands and feet."
Suddenly, chaos erupted across the parking lot.The demon priests' hearse roared to life with a sound like the gates of hell opening for a fire sale, shooting flames from the exhaust pipes and playing what sounded like death metal hymns.The pixies' Tesla hummed to life in a spark of light, then promptly vanished entirely, causing them to run around frantically looking for their own car.The vampire revved his Aston Martin with theatrical flair while practicing secret agent poses, setting off every car alarm in a three-block radius.The dragons' motorcycles rumbled like thunder, accidentally setting fire to a nearby trash can when one of them got overly excited.
"Sweet mother of pearl," Grizz muttered, watching the controlled chaos unfold."It's like a circus designed by someone who'd never seen a circus, but had it described to them by a lunatic."
The fairy twins were still fighting over who got to drive their Lamborghini, their argument now loud enough to be heard across the street.The trolls had given up on parking and were now trying to fold their monster truck in half to make it more "compact-shaped."The banshee's hearse continued to sit in ominous silence, somehow managing to be more disturbing than all the noise around it.
"Look at all these freaks and weirdos," Grizz muttered, "thinking they can just ignore the law because they're different or special or magical.Well, they're about to learn that different don't mean exempt, especially not when Sheriff Grizzley T.Lawman is on the case."
J.J.'s ambulance started with a purr that was definitely not standard emergency vehicle equipment.The orc gave some kind of signal to his partner, who climbed into the passenger seat with the trusting enthusiasm of someone who had no idea she was about to become an accessory to federal crimes.
"Daddy," Smokie said quietly, "what if some of them are just trying to have fun?Like, what if they're not really bad people?Mr.Snuggles says they look more confused than criminal."
Grizz turned to stare at his son and the teddy bear."The law don't care if they're having fun.Illegal is illegal, whether you're human, monster, or something in between that defies classification.You start making exceptions, and next thing you know, you got anarchy on your hands."
"Yes Daddy."
"Besides," Grizz added, turning back to watch the racers line up like contestants in the world's most dangerous game show, "that J.J.character made a fool out of me once.That makes this personal, and personal means I'm gonna enjoy every minute of bringing him to justice."
The garage doors rolled up completely, and one by one, the vehicles began pulling out onto 31st Street.No dramatic starting signal here, just a steady stream of suspicious vehicles leaving an auto garage at midnight and immediately exceeding every speed limit posted in the five boroughs.
"Gotcha, you law-breaking sumbitches."Grizz grinned."Smokie, get on the radio and alert all units.The Cauldronball Run just officially became a criminal conspiracy, and Sheriff Grizzley T.Lawman is about to shut it down like a crooked poker game."
As they headed back to their patrol car, Grizz was already planning intercept routes and roadblocks.The Holland Tunnel, the Lincoln Tunnel, the George Washington Bridge, the Queensboro Bridge—he'd have them all covered with more law enforcement than a presidential motorcade.
"This time, that green sumbitch isn't going to escape," Grizz declared, climbing into their patrol car, which immediately began making the grinding noise that meant the transmission was held together by wishful thinking and prayer."This time, every freak and monster in that illegal race is going to learn that nobody—absolutely nobody—breaks the law in Sheriff Grizzley T.Lawman's territory and gets away with it."
"Hold on tight to Mr.Snuggles, boy," Grizz said as he fired up the patrol car, which coughed to life like a chain smoker on a cold morning."We're about to show these supernatural speed demons what real law enforcement looks like."
As they pulled away from the curb, their patrol car trailing black smoke, Grizz felt the thrill of the chase beginning.This time, justice would prevail.
Even if he had to be in hot pursuit in a patrol car that sounded like a dying rhinoceros.
