Page 10 of The Cauldronball Run
"Shut up, boy.We're on a covert surveillance operation."Grizz swept the binoculars across the garage's parking area, cataloging every vehicle and criminal he could see."And if you start that engine, every lawbreaker in Manhattan will hear us coming.That patrol car sounds like a garbage disposal full of marbles."
What Grizz saw through the properly oriented binoculars made his blood pressure climb higher than a cat up a telephone pole.The Red Ball Garage was crawling with supernatural freaks and monsters, all gathered around vehicles that looked about as legitimate as a campaign promise.
"Start writing, boy," Grizz commanded, never taking his eyes off the scene."I want a complete record of every lawbreaker, miscreant, and ne'er-do-well down there."
Smokie fumbled for his notepad, dropping it twice before managing to get his pen ready."What should I write, Daddy?"
"Everything I tell you, and don't you dare miss a word.Mr.Snuggles can help you spell if needed."
Grizz focused on the nearest vehicle.It was a black hearse parked directly in front of the garage bay doors.Two figures in priest robes were having what appeared to be a heated theological discussion while trying to jumpstart their vehicle with cables that were definitely not standard automotive equipment.
"Team One: Two demons masquerading as men of the cloth.Vehicle is a hearse covered in suspicious religious symbols that are probably upside-down or backwards or some other blasphemous nonsense."
"How do you know they're demons, Daddy?"
"Because real priests don't have horns poking through their holy hats, you numbskull."Grizz squinted through the binoculars."Now write it down before I forget the details."
The hearse was parked next to a high-end Tesla, except it kept flickering in and out of visibility like a bad television reception.Tiny figures swarmed around it, gesturing wildly at each other.
"Team Two: Bunch of pixies with a fancy electric car that's got more illegal modifications than a moonshiner's still.Vehicle appears to have some kind of cloaking device, which violates about fifteen federal regulations and the laws of physics."Grizz watched one pixie smack another pixie with what looked like a tiny wrench."They appear to be having technical difficulties."
"Pixies can drive cars, Daddy?"
"Apparently these ones think they can.Look at 'em running around like roaches when you flip on the kitchen light."
Next to the Tesla sat a classic Aston Martin that belonged in a museum, not on the street.A pale man in an expensive tuxedo was attempting to charm a group of female racers near the garage entrance, flashing what Grizz was certain were fake credentials while doing some kind of elaborate hand gestures.
"Team Three: Vampire in a fancy foreign automobile, pretending to be some kind of international secret agent.Vehicle's got more unnecessary gadgets than a late-night infomercial, none of which are street legal."Grizz snorted as he watched the vampire's sunglasses slide down his nose."Fool's wearing sunglasses at midnight and trying to convince people he's sophisticated.Probably thinks he's James Bond instead of Jimmy Buffoon."
The thunderous roar of motorcycle engines echoed off the surrounding buildings as a group of leather-clad bikers pulled up to the garage.When one of them got excited and accidentally shot a stream of fire six feet into the air, setting off three car alarms and singing his own eyebrows, Grizz knew exactly what he was dealing with.
"Team Four: Dragon motorcycle gang with anger management issues and no understanding of basic fire safety.Every time they rev their engines, they breathe fire like defective flamethrowers.That's gotta violate city emissions standards, fire codes, and probably several international treaties about weapons of mass destruction."
"Dragons have motorcycles now, Daddy?"
"Apparently they do, son.World's going to hell in a handbasket with rocket boosters."Grizz moved his binoculars to observe a sparkling Lamborghini that was leaving a glitter trail thick enough to cause traffic hazards.Two identical figures were fighting over the steering wheel while music pounded from the vehicle."Team Five: Fairy twins in a sports car that's shedding glitter like a craft store explosion.Environmental hazard, noise pollution, public nuisance, and probably tax evasion."
"Why tax evasion, Daddy?"
"Look at that car, boy.Nobody makes that kind of money legally in New York City, especially not by sprinkling sparkles on people."
The strangest sight yet was a massive monster truck with two enormous figures trying to squeeze it into a parking space clearly marked “Compact Only.”
"Team Six: Two trolls in an oversized monster truck with the combined intelligence of a bag of particularly stupid rocks.Vehicle exceeds legal size limits for city parking by approximately four hundred percent, and the drivers appear to believe that moving the parking sign constitutes a viable solution to their dimensional challenges."
"Maybe they're just having trouble with spatial reasoning, Daddy."
"Smokie, they've now tried to squeeze a vehicle the size of a small building into a space designed for a motorcycle.One of them is currently trying to deflate the tires to make it shorter."Grizz shook his head in disbelief."And the other one is consulting what appears to be a children's picture book about shapes."
The most unsettling sight was a silent black hearse that seemed to absorb streetlight rather than reflect it.The driver sat motionless behind the wheel, and Grizz couldn't tell if they were breathing, blinking, or even alive.
"Team Seven: Banshee in a hearse that makes no sound whatsoever.That ain't natural, boy.Vehicles are supposed to make noise, especially in Manhattan.You got trucks, sirens, car horns, and construction equipment.Silence is suspicious as hell in this city."
"Maybe it's just really well-maintained, Daddy?"
"Son, there ain't no such thing as a silent engine in New York City.That's supernatural nonsense, and it's probably illegal in twelve different ways, starting with noise ordinance violations for being too quiet."
Grizz was adjusting his binoculars when he spotted the vehicle he'd been waiting for.A white ambulance with all the proper markings pulled up to the garage, but something about it was wrong.The engine sounded too powerful, and the way that massive orc moved around it suggested modifications that definitely weren't factory standard.
