Page 55 of The Cerulean Sister
In bed, 99 holds me tightly and stares up at the ceiling. I don't think we have said one word since leaving the capital building. We both know if we begin to speak, it will only be about one thing.
His muscles almost vibrate, like he is physically restraining himself. I run my thumb down his bicep, but it's a selfish, soothing motion that I know will comfort us both as he tugs me in closer, reacting to the little movement.
I have grown so used to our long, near-silent stretches together, knowing that I can go into his mind's eye and speak in a mix of emotions and words.
But tonight, it’s torture.
His mind is boarded up, and all I can do is sit on the other side of it and sense the full-on barrage of his thoughts.
The sound of 99's armor wakes me.
He is being careful, going more slowly and methodically with the metal clasps than usual, and that alone wakes me up fully. I can sleep through his natural movements, but the sound is odd and uncomfortable, like he is watching the back of my head anytime a clasp is too loud.
I rise up on my elbows to look at him but find him taking off his armor instead of putting it on. He is removing it like he just got back, but the sun is barely up, only trickling into the cracks in the window shade in a golden glow.
"I did not intend to wake you." He runs a hand through his dark-brown waves, looking a little guilty. He removes his black tunic, and the movement of his stomach brings attention to the trail of dark hair as he draws his pants down.
"You were gone?" I whisper, hoping it will disguise the hurt in my voice.
But he hears it and climbs into bed, his arm locked around my waist, sending apologetic affection through our tether. "I could not sleep."
"Where did you go?" I press my back into his chest and feel him bury his face into my hair.
He breathes in my scent. "I headed toward the emperors’ chambers to convince them to make the correct choice."
Just hearing that makes me squeeze his forearm under the blankets. I feel his chest expand in a sigh, like he knows very well how bad it would be if he followed through.
"Then I thought I would go speak with Lord General again, but I ended up walking instead," he clarifies.
"And you just returned, how long did you walk?"
"Until I could think of what the lord general said without wanting to rip the capital building apart."
I brush along the silvery, old scars that crosshatch his hands in different patterns, my thumb stroking the texture. "You could have told me you needed to be alone."
"I didn't want to wake you." He leans closer to say the words into my ear, as if that will make me understand more.
"I would not have minded."
"What is truly troubling you, Priestess?"
I test our connection, seeing if the large, thick doors around his mind are still fastened with amber light to protect me from the chaos on the other side.
99 senses my reluctance to push forward and maybe how hard it was to sit on the other side as he tried to keep all his thoughts at bay. "I would never intentionally keep you out."
He floods me with amber light and feelings of being so grateful that I am tethered to him that it comes out as warm relief pouring into my mind.
We lie there for a while, feeling the rise and fall of each other's breath and floating around in the space between our minds. I drift into his and then back into mine, the long, continuous thought building and layering on itself and turning into something new.
We are both trying our best to think of anything other than what happened in the council meeting and in our chambers after. But even thinking ofnotthinking it steers us back in that direction, and it's almost impossible not to get flashes of that room, of 99 pressing into Lord General and how angry he was. How adamant Lord General was that the emperors would not help me. How quickly it turned into me realizing I may have to help Leema myself.
I try to pull away from that memory and hope that 99 distracts me, but it stays there, replaying a couple times until I feel 99's fingers brush back my hair from my shoulder.
"I'm sorry," I whisper.
"Don't be. I had all night to think about it."
I know what kept him from sleeping: the pent-up rage that had him redress in his armor and go back to the capital building, intending to force answers from the people inside.
