Page 63 of The Cerulean Sister
Once again, she offers her help, putting herself in danger. She makes it sound so easy, standing tall with a confident smile that I wish I could replicate.
August stands close to Calliape, a physical display of agreeance. "We found ourselves in unfamiliar terrain before, my friend, and no, we weren'tuntouched, but we trusted Ferren enough to get us through that forest. Calliape is right. Ferren is even more of an expert in navigating the Estate. I hate it, but I think we should consider it."
"I can do this, 99. I know what they want: obedience and my shame. I can give them that for a time if it will mean we can stop them."
He looks at each of us, considering what we said. The more sense we make and as all directions point this way, the angrier he seems.
He said he won't stop me going back to save my sister, but retaking my vows under the ruse of forgiveness to ensure her safety is another thing for him entirely.
"I can't," he says.
I take his hand, desperate to ground myself in him. "There are other women in there, not just my sister. Women who are not divine but that the temple will sacrifice so their children will be. Women like my mother." The realization that she could have been a victim of such an atrocity appears as quickly as I say it. "She died in that temple, and I am divine. Who is to say what truly happened? We have to stop them."
Calliape's eyes are watery, her hand in a tight fist against her mouth like she is holding herself together by that single point. I can tell by the way her eyes flick to mine that she has thought it too. She knows of my mother's pilgrimage, of her death in childbirth, how it affected my relationship with Leema. They all do, and I am happy to have them know me so deeply.
99 lets go of a breath at the same moment he lets go of all the emotion he was holding back from our tether.
"You have until the final phase of the conjunction." 99's voice is low and steady, like he is fighting with the words. "If you have not found anything by then, you will call out to Calliape to retrieve you and leave. If I do not hear from you before then, I will unlawfully leave my post in the birthlands and blow a hole into that fucking Estate to rip you out."
He takes a heaving breath to calm himself from speaking too harshly, even though I know it's coming from fear. "You are mine and they cannot have you. Do you understand?" He rises to his feet, reaching for me in a soft plea to agree, yet refusing to force me even if I do not bend to his terms.
"They cannot have me, 99. When I retake my priestess vows, I will only be thinking of you, of getting back to you." I press my palms to either side of his helmet and pull for him to look down at me. "I have to do this. I have to try. If I fail . . ."
"Then you will come home."
I nod. "I will comehome."
Chapter
Seventeen
99 is able to convince the lord general to delay the fleet’s deployment by a single day. Enough time for them to send a cold but strategic message to Cosima's beacon, announcing I have requested to be brought to my home world. The temple is required to reply with assurance that if Viathan uses their resources to bring me back, then I will be offered amnesty.
Cosima's almost immediate answer is cold, but the atonement ritual is offered again by the elder who sends it on the priestess order's collective behalf.
August's ship is also cleared to land near the Estate without conflict, deploying at the same time as 99 and the fleet stationing in the birthlands for the remainder of the conjunction.
Our last day is spent entirely making final preparations. 99 all but demands us to run through the details of our plan another time as we load August's ship with supplies. The only possession I am taking with me is the priestess gown, a replica of the one I left Cosima wearing. Black with simple lines and a veil, Lady Anne's creation based on 99's description of the only one he saw me in.
"Calliape and I will be in the safe house, waiting for you to either arrive or call out to her," August says, stacking a crate in the corner of his ship’s cargo hull.
I nod, picturing the illuminated map from the estate to the safe house. I will need to memorize details of the red trail while we are in transit.
"August will send an update to me after he delivers you and periodically throughout." 99 empties a metal crate of weapons, organizing them into a lit-up compartment in the wall. "The moment you arrive in the safe house or call out to Calliape, I will mobilize from the birthlands to the Estate."
He has been adamant that I only have until the start of the final conjunction eclipse, when the entire planet is shrouded in darkness, to meet them, with or without the proof I need. An event marked by celebration and temple rituals throughout the city, an easy shroud of cover to move through it if needed.
"My ship will be docked near the safe house. It's in the same bay," August says.
99 stands in the middle of the cargo hull, shoulders stiff with hands on his hips. I know he is holding back so much, trying to be the calm foundation we all draw confidence from, but his discomfort is written in the blank pauses through our tether.
He sighs. "The Emperor of Cosima has approved your request for return, and everything has been done within accordance of three worlds’ law. But we would be foolish to think this will go smoothly with the priestess order. I need a promise you will call out to Calliape if a situation occurs that you cannot get out of."
"Yes, of course." I smile tightly at her as we each take a side of a heavy crate.
Calliape can fold the distance to extract me at any moment. It's a last resort and would completely compromise the mission,but it's an undeniable comfort knowing she can intervene if things do not go as planned.
August stacks the last supply tote and straps the towers we created against the wall and down to the metal floor.
