Page 59 of Code Word
Like everything would be okay. Like the last week was over, all the awful things were over, and we’d be okay.
“I’m in love with you,” he whispered. “I tried not to be. For years, I tried. But it was killing me, and...”
I pulled back and slid my hand to his jaw, searching his eyes. “You should have told me.”
“And what? You were with Becca and you didn’t see me like that, and I didn’t want to hurt either of you.” He looked so damn sad. His chin wobbled. “My best friend and my sister. God. Does she hate me?”
I shook my head. “No. Becca... Becca’s great.”
He tried to step back but I held him fast. “Stop and listen. Becca is great. A great friend and a great sister, but honestly, I never deserved her. And,” I said with a shrug, “I never loved her. Not like I should have. She told me to come find you and to tell you. She literally called me a dumbass. A blind dumbass. And you. You’re a dumbass too. Then she drove me to the airport.” Then I remembered something. “Actually, she’s going to kick your ass when you get home.”
“Oh.”
“For dumping me. Well, more for leaving the country and not telling your family, but mostly for dumping me.”
Luke managed half a smile. “I didn’t dump you.”
“You broke up with me. You left me. You said you needed time and space, and then you left me, and the only person you spoke to was Maddox, and he’s on my shit list.”
Luke smiled and closed his eyes, leaning his forehead on my chin. He breathed in deep, heavy, and tired. “We need to talk. About everything. About what this is and what we do from here.”
I cupped his jaw and made him look at me. “Tell me you’re not leaving me again. I can’t go back to what I was before.”
His blue eyes softened. “I’m not leaving you.”
Then it happened. I looked at his eyes, then down to hislips. His pink lips. And I’d never noticed them before, not like that, and I realized my heart had stopped beating, thumping against my ribs instead, and holy fuck, I wanted to kiss him.
I’d never wanted to kiss anybody like I wanted to kiss him in that moment.
Luke’s eyes widened when he realized what I was about to do... and he pulled away. “Uh, okay. Wow. But we should talk first.” He put his hand to his forehead. “I think. Fuck. Jesus. Were you about to kiss me?”
“Uh, yeah. Pretty sure I was, yeah. If you don’t . . . if that’s not what . . . fuck, did I just ruin this? I thought you . . . I thought you wanted . . .”
Luke laughed, still a little stunned, but then he gripped the sleeve of my hoodie and his eyes met mine. “Are you for real? Is that what you want? Is this... is this really happening?”
“It’s real. I’m serious. I’m here. For you. I don’t know what it means, but Luke,” I said. “It’s me. And this is fucking crazy, right? Like fuck, I don’t even know. But is this... are we... is it, uh,” I said, suddenly nervous, “would you... want that? Me, I mean. Us. Is that even...? Oh fuck, I’m getting ahead of myself and you’re just looking at me and not saying anything.”
He smiled at me, his voice soft. “Are you nervous? I’ve never seen you get nervous about anything.”
“I’ve never been this nervous!” I let out a huff of air. “Or scared.”
“Scared?”
“Petrified. That I’m on the edge of what could possibly be the best thing in my entire life, and I’m so close to holding it in both hands and it scares the fucking bajeezus outta me that it’s gonna slip through my fingers. And I’m still talking and you’re still not saying anything. Fuck, Luke. Will you say something? Please? It’s getting dark and this place is prettyand all, but I can’t see if you’re looking at me like I’ve lost my mind or?—”
He smiled and took my hand. “Let’s go inside where we can talk.”
Okay then. Yes, talking. We needed to talk. Talking before kissing.
Christ almighty, I wanted to kiss him. I was about to kiss him, and I’d never wanted anything more in my life, but he’d pulled away.
“You okay?”
I nodded. Well, at least I tried to. My head felt like a wooden bobblehead. “Yeah. I’m okay. Nervous.”
He led me inside, and Alma, at least I think that was her name, was standing in the kitchen. She smiled at Luke. “Everything okay, Mister Luke?”
“Uh, yes, Alma. This is Blake.”
