Page 62 of Code Word
“Did you ever come up with one? A code word?”
He shook his head. “No. It would have only hurt more.”
I frowned. “I’m so sorry, Luke. I’m sorry for all the years, all the times you were miserable and couldn’t tell me.”
Luke put his hand to my cheek, and sweet heavens, it burned, and then he pressed his forehead to mine. “We made a mess of things, didn’t we?”
“A spectacular mess,” I agreed. “I was literally on the floor sobbing, holding all those photos and my song.”
The corner of his mouth pulled upward. “And they all saw? Or so you said.”
I gave a nod. “Yep. And there was yelling, and I told Maddox to go fuck himself, I think. I can’t remember exactly. It might have beenfuck you.” I shrugged. “I’m still pissed at him.”
“It wasn’t his fault,” Luke said gently.
“Hm. Still mad at him, so I might wanna leave that for a day or two. But we should text Becca and let her know I found you.”
He made a face. “Are you sure she was okay?”
I nodded. “She was. She drove me to the airport so I could come find you. She broke up with me. Days ago. Actually, when I’d had a two-day bender by myself, lost a whole day, woke up on the floor, and was sooo hungover. It was kinda mutual, we both knew it was over, but ultimately she dumped my ass and told me I needed to deal with how I felt about you.” Then I shrugged. “But she did come looking for me when my mom called her, worried.”
He smiled, kind of. “I never meant to hurt her. Or you. I’m sorry. I considered telling you when we were at the cabins. God, I almost told you. But if I’d have told you how I felt, you’d have run a mile. Or laughed at me. Or told me to wake up to myself.”
I shook my head, even though I knew he was probably right. “Maybe. Maybe not. You could have sat me down and shown me all those photos. You could have told me to look, to really look at how I’d been looking at you for the last ten years. I never looked at Becca like that. I never looked at anyone like that. It would have been a shock, probably, but anything would have been better than the last week without you. It was so bad, Luke. I was so bad. I couldn’t function. All I could dowas cry, apparently.” I sighed. “But it was the kick in the pants that I needed. It turned my entire world on its head, and everything I thought I had—you, Atrous, fame, music—I realized I didn’t have any of that at all. It was all gone. I was so fucking angry and pissed off and heartbroken. But if you leaving made me wake up to myself, if it made me see what you really mean to me, then I can’t even be mad, can I?”
He stared into my eyes, into me, and put his hand to my face. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
“You’re not allowed to leave me again. I mean it, Luke. I came here to find you. To tell you that I’m sorry for being so blind, and I’m yours if you want me. If you want that. I don’t even know how or what it means, but I want to find out. I want to be with you. However, whatever.”
He smiled, then he studied my face, my eyes, my lips. “You were going to kiss me before,” he murmured.
“You said we should talk.”
“We’ve talked enough. For now,” he murmured before he licked his lips, his eyes burning into mine. “Maybe we should see how it feels. If it feels right. I’ve never kissed a man before, so...”
“Me either,” I breathed, my eyes drawn to his lips. My god, I wanted to kiss him. I cupped his jaw in my hands and had to tilt his face up a little. He gasped quietly and the sound lit something inside me.
I pressed my lips to his, warm and soft, my eyes floating closed, and my lungs no longer needed air. A whole zoo of butterflies swarmed my belly, and I felt alive and weightless and...
His lips were softer than I thought they’d be.
I closed my lips around his, kissing him again, smiling because it felt so right. I slid my arm down his back and pulled him in closer. His body was hard and muscular yet warm and familiar. And it was Luke. It was my Luke.
I tilted my head, wanting to deepen the kiss. I wanted to taste his tongue...
But he pulled back, dazed but smiling. “Not weird,” he whispered.
“Definitely not weird. Actually, it was the opposite of that, and I’d very much like to do it again, but better. I can do way better than that.”
He laughed, and fisting the front of my hoodie, he pulled me against him, our mouths crashing together, open, our tongues meeting, sending jolts of fire through my bones.
He tasted like summer and sunshine, mango and honey, and oh my fucking god, I wanted more.
He slid his arms around me, hands gripping my back, strong and firm and everything I’d been missing.
My body was electric, my skin was on fire, his tongue in my mouth was heaven, and it was all too much but not enough.
I wanted more.
