Page 70 of Forever Finds Us
“Dixon didn’t. He was rebellious, as most teens are, but he and my father, they just didn’t get along. I noticed it even when Dixon and Abey were little. Our father wasn’t cruel then, but I’d see him get irritated with Dixon about the dumbest things. But as Dixon got older and braver, our father got meaner.
“Bax and I did our best to protect him, but Merv babied Dixon. He was small and my father saw that as weakness. She made it worse because she coddled him and let him off the hook for things she shouldn’t have. That just made our father irate.”
“I’m so sorry,” Roxanne murmured. “Did he ever hit you?”
“Once. It was enough. It’s why I left really, first chance I got, but he was verbally and emotionally abusive, especially to Dixon.
“When Bax and his first wife, Candy, married, they moved off the farm to a little cottage in town, and it got worse. Abey was a ghost in our house. Our dad didn’t want her working with us by then, after he found out she was gay, so a lot of days it was only Dixon and me with the old man.
“One night, Dixon was fuckin’ around with the shearing equipment, and he broke it. My dad lost his shit. He punched Dixon in the face so hard, he passed out. Broke his nose.”
Roxanne gasped beside me. From her stories about her parents and sisters, I knew she came from a normal, loving family. I wanted to spare her the horrid details, but I needed her to understand.
“When I graduated high school, the only thought in my head was gettin’ out. I ran. Fast. Dixon was two years behind me, so for two years, he was pretty much alone with that man. Merv was no help. Abey was livin’ her own hell, and she avoided home like the plague. Who would blame her? And Bax and Candy were in their own little world.
“My dad cared too much what people thought of him. I think that’s why he hid the worst of it from Bax. And Dixon wouldn’t talk about it.
“But I knew, and I abandoned him. I’ll never forgive myself for it. I should’ve taken him with me when I left, but what could I have done? Dixon was sixteen, but I was only eighteen, and I was tryin’ to figure out how to survive on my own.
“But that’s when shit really started to go bad with Dixon. He started drinkin’. Smokin’. He didn’t care anymore. And why should he have? Everyone who loved him left him or treated him like shit.
“The one person who treated him like he deserved was Bax’s wife, Candy. They were friends. She looked out for Dixon. I’m not certain, but I don’t think she knew the worst of Dixon’s relationship with our father, but it wasn’t hard to see how traumatized Dixon had become.
“Candy loved him. And then she died, and Dixon was with her that day. He watched her and her unborn child die right in front of him. He did CPR. He tried.”
I shook my head, whispering, “After that…” I didn’t need to finish the sentence. Roxanne didn’t need to hear me say it.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Roxanne
“God. The poor guy.”
“He called me,” Brand said. “Before he left Wisper and disappeared. Before Stuey. It was two years ago. I was so busy with work. We had so many fuckin’ projects goin’, and I was overwhelmed. Bea was with me up in Sheridan. She was tryin’ to help, but we’d just gotten so big and successful, and it was too much all at once.
“So when Dixon called, ‘just to hear my voice,’ he said, I didn’t see what I should’ve. I didn’t see how he’d changed. Or maybe I did and I chose not to notice because that was easier. It hurt less. It was less messy.”
“Brand,” I said, “I know you know this, but it isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have stopped your dad. You couldn’t have made him love Dixon. It’s not your fault Dixon left, and it’s not your fault he became an addict.”
“I don’t know that.”
Softly, I said, “I do.”
Brand shook his head. “He called again, months after he left Stuart with Bax.”
Whoa. This was definitely news. Abey had said no one had seen or heard from Dixon once since he’d left Stuart at Bax’s place in a wicker basket last year. “You talked to him?”
Nodding, he said, “He called and asked for money for rehab. I gave it to him. Of course I did. He told me Stuart’s mother died. She overdosed. He’d been somewhat clean after the baby was born, but then Kel died, and he couldn’t hold it together. I flew to California and checked him into a rehab in Redding. Paid up front. And then I left him again. He said it was what he wanted, but… I should’ve stayed.”
“Abey and Bax don’t know? You didn’t tell Merv?”
Jesus. Bax was likely to strangle Brand when he finally told his brother that his kid’s birth mother had died months ago, and Brand had known but didn’t say anything.
And suddenly, the way he had hugged and kissed Stuey after dinner tonight made perfect sense. Not that it was unusual for him to show his nephew affection, but tonight felt different. He hugged longer and harder, and he whispered something in Stu’s ear. Now I had an idea what that might’ve been about.
“No.”
“Brand, why not? They’ve been worried sick about Dixon.”
