Page 107 of Sinful as They Come
“Thank you,” I murmured, looking back at the moon. “I feel like I can reach out and touch it.”
“Looks extra big out here, huh?” laughed Sawyer. “I’ve painted this a few times. Can’t get enough of this place.”
I turned to him in excitement. “You have to show me. You should show me more of your paintings.”
Sawyer raised his eyebrows at me. “You wanna see ‘em, huh?”
“If they’re anything like the other stuff I’ve seen, then I know they’re gonna be good.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“No. I’m not.” I stared at him seriously. “I love your art. A lot. Everything is so… So open. So wild. Like… There’s so much to see out there in this world. That sounds so cliché. But you get it. I like what you paint. You know, the open skies and the greenest of grass. Suburban life gets boring quick. But all of your paintings capture how beautiful things can be in this world. Things a lot of people ignore. I like that. I like the hidden stuff.” I realized then how much I had been talking. My legs stopped swinging back and forth and I gripped the edge of the rock below us tight. Sawyer was looking at me with… I didn’t even know what. Intrigue maybe? Like he was actually enjoying what I was saying. That was a nice change. “I’m sorry.” I found myself blushing. “I’m ranting a little.”
“No. Don’t say sorry. It feels good to have someone talk about my art that way,” he said with a whisper. “I don’t share it with a lot of people. And at school it just feels like a hobby. Like a class I just happen to be good at. But… you’ve been really helpful with making it feel like more than that. That article you wrote about me… Holly, I read that thing every night.”
For the first time in my entire life, I could have sworn I saw Sawyer blush. He rubbed at the back of his neck, his gaze averted from mine. I couldn’t tell if he was exaggerating or not. Honestly, I didn’t even care. I was gladhe had liked the article. Every word I had written was the honest truth.
“Well, it was easy to write. Your art is gorgeous. I wanted other people to know about it. And you,” I explained. “But… You didn’t drive us out here to talk about that article, right? Or your art.”
Sawyer rubbed at his neck some more. That was definitely a nervous tic he had. “We’ve kissed twice now, Holly,” he murmured. “What… What exactly is happening here? With us?”
I let out a long sigh. I didn’t even know the answer, though. “I was hoping you could tell me that.”
“I’ve always looked at you and seen… success. Like, if anyone is gonna make it big, it’s gonna be you,” he said, his eyes stuck on the slow moving water in front of us. “And I know that’s the truth. That you’re gonna go far. You’re gonna leave this town and forget everyone here.”
“That’s not true.” I shook my head at him.
“Isn’t it? I like kissing you so fucking much, Holly,” he said with a hiss, finally turning to look at me. “I can’t stop thinking about it. About you. About how… How good I’d treat you.”
My heart raced. He had been thinking about the kiss too.Kisses. I had to keep reminding myself that we had kissed twice. But it was good to know that he felt the same way. That his mind had also been stuck on that.
“Good?” I parroted.
Sawyer licked at his lips. “Carter didn’t deserve you.”
My heart ached a little at the mention of his name. I hadn’t thought of him all night. I actually hadn’t thought of him in a little while.
“Try telling him that,” I said with a pained laugh. My heart skipped a beat when Sawyer reached a hand over, his thumb stroking at my cheek. He moved so softly. So gingerly. Like he was scared of breaking me.
“I’d scream it in his face if he was here,” Sawyer continued, voice deep and low. “Tell him how he did nothing but hurt the best thing that’s ever gonna happen to him. Sometimes I’d look at you together and wonder what the hell was going on in your head. How could someone like you be with someone like him? He wasn’t good to you. I wanted you to run away from him. As fast as you could. Fuck, I would have helped you.”
“Sawyer.” I tilted my head, leaning into his touch.
“But… But you couldn’t see it,” he carried on. “Maybe you just like to see the best in people. You see the best in Brodie. And maybe I’m out of my mind, but it feels like you’re starting to see the best in me now. And not many people do. It feels good. It feels like I matter. Like my art matters. Like… Maybe I’ll get somewhere one day, too.”
Sawyer was pouring his heart out to me. Every word had captured me. Every word made me want to hear more and more of what he had to say. I knew who he was. I knew his past – his past at school, at least. He was the bad boy who smoked and got into fights and skipped class and came to school with a bruised eye – but his heart and soul were something entirely different. I saw a light in his eyes. They pulled me right in. I wanted him closer. As close as I could get him.
“But… But I don’t know if where I’m going is gonna be the same place as you,” he whispered with a sad smile. “You’re destined for good things, Holly. You’re going to college. And that’s so exciting. I want that for you. But…”
“But what?” I frowned a little when Sawyer’s words came to a stop.
“But I don’t know if there’s room for someone like me in your life.” He moved his hand from my face and stared back at the water. “I want you to be mine. So, so bad. I swear to God I think about you all the time now. You’re always there, right there in mind. In ways I can’t control. I don’t wanna control it. Even if I could, I wouldn’t wanna stop these thoughts. Or maybe that would be easier, ‘cause… I feel like wherever this is going is just gonna end up hurting me in the long run.”
Sawyer’s gaze was no longer on me, but I couldn’t stop looking at him. At the way the moon casted the most beautiful glow on his pale skin. I could see his emerald eyes. His soft, pink lips. Those tussled locks that always looked like he had been running his hand through them. And I could feel his heart. His kindness. His insecurities.
“What kind of person do you think I am?” I asked, not quite sure if I wanted to know the answer.
“I thought I knew you. Thought you were this vapid, too good foreveryone girl.” A small smile grew on his face. “But I’m seeing you differently now. You’re sweet. Welcoming. You can be vulnerable when you wanna be. I’ve seen you cry. Fuck, I had never seen you cry until these last couple months. You’ve helped me in more ways than one, Holly. And I wanna see more of that. More of you. Wanna learn everything I can about you, but I can’t fucking get hurt. I’ve already lost my mom. My dad hates the sight of me. I don’t have much to give. I can’t give you what you deserve. And you deserve to have the best life.”
