Page 30 of Love Me Back
But that kiss was something I had dreamed about for months. Every time he was near me, I wanted him to grab me and kiss me. I wanted him to say,‘To hell with what she wants, she’s mine,’like the bikers did.
God, it would have been so much easier to be attracted to one of them. Romeo was gorgeous. There was no denying that. Ace looked like a lumberjack. I’d have to talk Ellie into writing about a lumberjack; she could use Ace for inspiration. Even Stocks, for all his creepy vibes, was hot. I probably could have had my pick of them.
But no, my insides decided they would quiver for a giant cowboy who had too many damn manners.
He took what he wanted.
And then he went and ruined it by saying it never should have happened.
Was he wrong?
Oh, shut the hell up!
I hated arguing with myself. There was never any joy in debating someone with logic. You couldn’t trip them up with emotion.
I looked around to see where I was. I hadn’t been paying attention when I stormed off. It didn’t matter where I was going, it only mattered that he couldn’t chase after me.
But you want him to chase after you.
I said, shut the hell up!
Looking up at the sky I shook my head. I realized I had no idea what I wanted. No, that wasn’t true. I wanted Grayson. I just couldn’t have him. He didn’t want me anymore, and even if he did, I would never put him at risk.
He’s already at risk!
But the risk wasn’t because of me. At least that was what my uncle assured me. Though I couldn’t be entirely sure.
I looked around again. I hadn’t realized how far I’d walked from the house. Barns surrounded me, each one with a small paddock that connected to a large field.
I walked through the first barn, but it was empty, every stall door open into the small paddock, which was also empty. Moving to the next barn, it was also empty. The horses must have been out in the fields.
I wasn’t even sure why I was in here. I didn’t like horses; I didn’t like most animals. They were big and dirty. I’d needed something though. Something that would get my mind off Grayson and that kiss and the fact that he’d heard my phone call.
Moving to the third barn, I walked slowly through it. There was no one around. I assumed they were off doing ranch things, though I had no idea what those things were. I didn’t know anything about what a ranch did. I knew Grayson trained horses for others. I knew they raised cattle. But the day-to-day things tomake the ranch run and be profitable, I had no idea about.
I heard a noise that sounded like a snort. Moving closer to one of the stalls, I looked over the door and there was one horse. His gate was open to the paddock, but he didn’t seem to want to be outside.
He looked up at me and snorted again before stomping a hoof on the ground. His ears pricked up, and he snorted a third time. My feet moved on their own. Why I got closer, I had no idea, but there was something about this horse that drew me in.
He chose to be alone. To hide in his stall rather than be with the others. I placed my hand on the top of the door and leaned my chin on my knuckles.
“Hey, boy. Looks like you and me have something in common.”
His nostrils flared as the noise he made seemed to get louder. His hoof hit the floor again, and I swear I felt the building shake.
“I like to be alone too,” I told him. My foot found a step in the door, lifting me enough to lay my arms over the top. “Wanna talk?”
The horse watched me. I didn’t know his name. Didn’t know if he was a guest or a resident. But there was something about him that eased a part of me. Like I was looking at a kindred spirit. Someone who was judged and discarded as mean and temperamental.
I wasn’t stupid; I knew what the flared nostrils and stomping hooves meant. But at the same time, I felt like maybe it was a defense mechanism. Like when I spouted off and hurt someone’s feelings before they could hurt mine.
“If you don’t wanna talk, maybe you could just listen?” His ears flickered, and I smiled. He wouldn’t come near me, but he wasn’t rushing the door either.
“I screwed up. I shouldn’t have come here. To be honest, I shouldn’t have stayed in Diamond Creek. Once I knew Ellie was settled, I should have moved on. It had always been the plan.”
I laid my head on my arms and looked at my new friend. Friend might be pushing it, but hey, he hadn’t left me yet.
“I never should have let them get close. Should never have let him get close. It will just be that much worse when I leave. And I’ll have to leave. I can’t put everyone here at risk.”
