Page 27 of A Spinster's Unexpected Marriage
James ran one hand over his face and groaned aloud. He did not know what was wrong with him but these business matters were struggling to garner his attention. He never had endured trouble like this before, had never fought for concentration in the manner he was doing now. It was not as though there was a great deal for him to sort through either! There were only some invitations, a note or two from his solicitors and a letter from his mother. Why could he not find the energy to open them and read them? Why was his mind pulling him in another direction?
Letting out another groan, James got to his feet and, walking across the room, poured himself a brandy. It was late afternoon and James would soon have to begin his preparations for the evening but for the moment, it seemed as though he could do nothing. Over and over, his thoughts returned to the waltz he had shared with Lady Newton the previous evening and time and again, he chased those thoughts away.
But that did not seem to matter. No matter how many times he dismissed them, they returned with a fierceness which startled him. He wanted to forget those strange feelings which had arisen within him as he had looked down into Lady Newton’s eyes but he simply could not. They clung to him with a doggedness which he could not turn away from and which frightened him rather than offering him any sense of happiness.
I cannot find myself having any sort of interest in my betrothed,he told himself, throwing back his brandy before pouring another.That would be nothing but foolishness.
The ball last evening had not been a pleasant one, at least not to his mind. There had been Lord Childers first of all, though James had managed to sign his own name to Lady Newton’s dance card at least. Thereafter, there had come such a string of gentlemen all eager for Lady Newton’s dance card, he had barely been able to contain himself – though, again, he did not know the reason for his sense of irritation. This was exactly what he wanted, exactly what they had planned and that meant it could only be a good thing.
So why do I find myself so frustrated? Why am I so irritated about it all?
Scowling, James poured himself another brandy, not certain what it was that troubled him. Looking down into Lady Newton’s eyes had certainly made him aware that she was very desirable, but that was something that he had dealt with before, was it not? He had found many a young lady beautiful, had found himself eager to wrap his arms around her waist and steal a kiss or two so what was the difference here? Yes, he was betrothed to her and yes, they were pretending that all was well and there would soon be a marriage between them, but that was soon to come to an end, was it not? Therefore, he could simply look at Lady Newton as he did every other young lady he found desirable, could he not?
Taking yet another brandy, James threw it back without hesitation and then marched back to his study desk. Sitting down, he picked up his quill, prepared to write his response to the first invitation he opened. All he had to do was remember that he could treat Lady Newton just as any other young lady and all would be well.
***
“Might I suggest that you refrain?”
James frowned, looking to Lord Radford. “I beg your pardon?”
“Refrain,” Lord Radford said, keeping his voice low as he moved around so as to block the sight of James from the rest of the guests at the soiree. “You have imbibed a larger amount of brandy than usual and your demeanour is not at all pleasant.”
Rolling his eyes, James set down his empty glass and shrugged his shoulders. “There now, does that satisfy you?”
Lord Radford nodded. “I thank you.”
“There is no requirement for you to stand and watch over me, however,” James continued, aware that there was a slight blurring to his vision given the amount of liquor he had drunk. “I am not about to embarrass myself.”
“Are you sure about that?” Lord Radford lifted an eyebrow and then shook his head. “You are certainly a little different this evening from how you normally behave. You are glowering at everyone, including the young ladies that are smiling at you in the hope of catching your attention. Instead, you stand at the back of the drawing room, hiding in the shadows and drinking Lord Simmons’ best brandy.”
James shrugged, hating that his friend had noticed his inward struggles. “I am not particularly in the right frame for a soiree.”
“Then why are you here?”
With a shrug, James reached for his empty glass, only to set it down again as his friend narrowed his eyes. “Very well, mayhap a few moments out in the gardens will clear my mind and bring a contentment back to my heart.”
Without waiting for his friend to remark upon this thought, James turned away quickly and strode out of the drawing room, making his way to the gardens. Lord Simmons had a somewhat small but pretty outlook and as he stepped outside, James appreciated the candle lights which lit up the space. It was not a particularly dark evening and he could see almost everything clearly, though it was something of a struggle to make out the faces of the other guests who had also come outside. Folding his arms over his chest, James surveyed the scene around him and let out a small sigh before turning away, making his way to the left of the gardens rather than remaining where he was with the small, gathered crowd. His jaw jutted forward and his brows hung low over his eyes. Why was he so downhearted this evening? Surely it could not be his troubling thoughts on Lady Newton?! He had already set that to bed, had he not? He had managed to put her out of his mind and had, instead, set himself to the task of responding to the invitations and letters he had received. That done, he had then prepared for this very soiree, only to find that now, he was all the more irritated.
“Lord Granton? Is that you?”
James turned sharply, his breath catching in his chest as he saw a young lady coming towards him. He could not make out her features but in the fire’s glow, he saw her figure was very comely indeed.
His toes curled.
“Yes, it is I.” He narrowed his eyes just a little, trying to see her face clearly but still, he could not.
“Lord Radford and Miss Stockton are talking together just a little over there,” the lady said, making James realise in an instant who it was that had come to seek him out. “He told me that you were here also though it has taken me some minutes to find you.”
“And why are you doing so?” The words came out a little more sharply than he had intended them to be but he did not pull them back, keeping his arms folded tightly across his chest as though he was afraid that she would reach out to him and he would be helpless against even the smallest touch.
“I… I thought that we should be seen together at this soiree.” Martha’s voice was suddenly a little uncertain. “We are to keep up this pretence, are we not? Therefore, we must be seen together. To be at the very same soiree but not once in each other’s company would make some of thetonquestion our connection, I am sure.”
James shrugged, hating that his heart quickened just a little as Martha drew closer to him. “Or mayhap it will engage the gentlemen who are interested in furthering their connection with you all the more,” he muttered, his jaw still tight. “They might see us separated and wonder at it.”
Lady Newton said nothing though she did come closer to him, making James’ skin prickle. He despised his response to her though he tried to remind himself that he was going to treat her just as any other young lady of his acquaintance. If he was drawn to her then it was just in the same way as he had been drawn to other young ladies. There was nothing of concern here.
“Is there something the matter?” Martha’s voice had softened, becoming all the quieter as she came even closer to him. “You do seem to be – ”
