Page 54 of Infinite as They Come
“Right. And I know you didn’t mean to hurt me,but…”
“I still did.” She nodded, eyes getting all shiny with tears, and my heart broke into pieces at the sight. “And you’re scared I’ll do it again.”
“Yeah.”
There was that sound of footsteps again, this time more rushed. A second later, I spotted Kurt. His face was a little red, still in his high visibility shirt. It looked like he came straight from the warehouse, and I felt like even bigger of an asshole for throwing his and my mom’s days off. Spencer’s too.
“Oh, Kurt, you’re home,” she said.
“Is everything okay?” he asked. “I was in a meeting when you called. Left my phone in the break room. I’m sorry. I came as quick as I could. Where’s Spencer?”
“In the bathroom,” she said. “Sawyer picked him up.”
Kurt nodded and gave my shoulder a squeeze. “Thank you, Sawyer.”
He took off through the door after that, and my mom whispering my name had me turning back around to face her.
“I missed out on so much,” she said. “I don’t want to miss anything else, Sawyer. It’s so nice having you back. Seeing you, talking to you. I’m so lucky I get to do that.”
I nodded. “I feel pretty lucky too. Having you back, I mean.”
“I’m not ever going to let you out of my life again, Sawyer. I hurt you so much. I don’t even deserve to sit down at this table with you.”
“That’s not true. You were trying to save yourself, and you did, and you found someone who kept you safe too. Someone who treated you better. The way you should have been treated from the beginning. I’m happy you found him. That you got to start again. You deserve that.”
“But I still hurt you. I did something I regret so, so much. Sawyer, if I could go back in time, I’d do it all differently. I’d take you with me. I swear I would.”
I could hear the pain in her voice. The honesty stood out above that, though. It came through. I could see it in her eyes, in the way she looked at me. She meant it. I knew she did. And I so badly wanted that wall between us to fall down, for every brick to come toppling to the ground so we could just skip to being a normal family, but I still wasn’t completely ready to takethat leap.
The padding of feet behind me distracted me. Kurt and Spencer were back. Spencer took the seat closest to mine, smiling my way.
“Sawyer, would you like to stay for dinner?” my mom asked. “You could invite Holly too.”
Holly. Christ.Holly. House. Jesus fuck, Mandy had probably already given that house away to that other couple. I winced at the thought of someone other than me and Holly living in it. It really did feel like ours.
“Uh,” I mumbled. “I’m sorry. I can’t tonight. I… I’ve got some stuff to do.”
“Maybe another time?” Kurt suggested.
“Yeah, another time,” Spencer said. “Tomorrow.”
“Uh, maybe not tomorrow, sweetheart,” my mom said with a small laugh, but then the look on her face got all serious as she eyed me. “But another time. It would be so nice to have you over. Holly as well. Maybe this Saturday?”
I nodded. “I’ll talk to Holly.”
I wasn’t entirely sure how to make my exit. Hug her, kiss her on the cheek? Kurt made it a little easier when he suggested walking me out, so I just gave my mom and Spencer a wave that probably looked as awkward as it felt before I made my way outside to the truck with Kurt.
“I’m sorry,” I said to him. “About Spencer getting hurt. And his glasses. How much do they cost? I’ll pay for ‘em.”
Kurt smiled, shaking his head. “Spencer was in need of a new pair, anyway. I’ll drive him over to the optometrist now. They should be able to squeeze him in. Last time his glasses broke, they gave him some sample contact lenses to wear. That should last him until his new glasses arrive.”
“But…” I kept thinking about that bruise on his face. “He got hurt ‘cause of me.”
“He got hurt because those kids like picking on him.”
“But I’m the one who…”
“Taught him how to fight? At least you know how to. I tried that with him once, and all I did was embarrass myself. I’ve never seen Spencer so happy. I think he needed a little confidence boost, and you definitely gavehim one.”
