Page 80 of Infinite as They Come
“What does she even do while I’m gone?” I asked, and then a deep frown crossed my face. “Fuck, I should know that, shouldn’t I?”
“She’s been keeping herself busy. Talks to just about everyone who lives here. But…” Clara clicked her tongue. “The person she really wants hanging around seems to keep taking off.”
I winced at the visual. Holly in that room waiting for me, wondering where I am, worried about why all I keep giving her is short answers.Nothing.Just outdriving around.Art stuff. Stupid dumb lies, and I really hated lying to Holly. She was so open and trusting and I felt like I was taking advantage of that faith she had in me.
“I didn’t mean for things to be this way,” I said. “She worked so hard at Columbia, you know? Perfect grades, studying every night, writing for the paper every chance she got, cheer. She was so busy. She deserved to havesome time for herself.”
“Yeah, she’s definitely getting some of that.”
My head hung a little low. “I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, I wanted her to have a chance to just… relax and take it easy, to enjoy her time off before she started working.”
“Is she gonna work in New York? Big cities have a way of pulling you back in.”
“I…” I started. “I don’t know. We haven’t really talked about it. But she likes these small towns, you know? She likes the little things. Things I didn’t think she’d ever like, but she does, and I just wanna give them to her.” My eyes closed. “I’mtryingto give them to her.”
“Well, she has a lot of fun around here. Talking to people, writing about them. She likes the circus freaks, apparently.”
I chuckled lowly. “Yeah, she’s got a thing for ‘em.”
“I don’t know what you’re out doing. I don’t know you enough to know, but Holly does, and she seems to just want you to be honest. And I do hope you’re not sneaking off to see some mysterious girl you suddenly met…”
My head snapped to hers, a deep frown on my face. “No. No way. That’s not even…” No fucking chance would that ever happen. Holly was it. My future, my destiny, my everything. “No way in hell is there some other girl. Does she think that?”
Clara shrugged. “She hasn’t mentioned it. She trusts you. I’m sure she doesn’t think you’re off with some girl. She just feels a little left out. Like you’re keeping something to yourself. We all have our secrets, I guess. You can’t share everything.”
My head shook. “No, I share everything with Holly. She makes me feel like I can, like I can tell her everything.”
“But not this?”
I drew in a quick breath. “No. No, not this. Not yet. Soon. I really hope it’s soon…”
“Me too. Whatever ‘this’ may be…” Clara smiled, giving the washing basket by her hip a little shake. “I gotta take care of this. I’ll see you around.”
“Yeah, seeya…”
I whipped the cigarette out of my mouth with a hiss. That had given me a lot to think about. Too much, really. Holly was part of this. She was.Mylife wasourlife, but there I had gone making her feel left out.
“Christ,” I muttered, moving back in the motel room with quiet steps. Holly was still asleep as I put the cigarette out. She stayed sleeping as I moved into the bathroom to wash up and shower, her eyes staying closed even by the time I came back out and joined her on the bed. She looked damn near angelic when she slept, and I had the biggest urge to paint her. To create every line, every curve, all her dark hair, her pretty golden skin, her plush lips. Instead, I found myself brushing my fingers against her locks, my movements soft and slow. I felt it in my heart. My love for her. That pure desire to have her, hold her, keep her safe for the rest of her life.
She moaned softly, eyes fluttering open, blinking a few times. Then her Bambi eyes locked to mine, a slow smile spreading across her face, all perfect and bright despite her just waking up. “Good morning, Sawyer,” she said, voice soft.
“Good morning, Holly,” I said, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s okay.” Groaning a little, she shrugged. “You’re up early.”
“I needed to see you,” I said, sliding a hand under the sheets, moving it up higher and higher until I found her knee. “It’s hard going so long without seeing you.”
She giggled, pressing her face into the pillows. “You’re too sweet. What did you wanna do today?”
The question stalled me for a moment. There had been too much going on the last month and a half. My mom, Spencer, the house. Holly needed to be my focus too. This whole trip was for her, her reward, and here I was dumping her in a motel room every five seconds.
“Whatever you wanna do,” I said, rubbing a thumb against her knee. “Tell me and we’ll do it.”
Humming, her eyes rolled up like she was really thinking about the question. “I don’t mind where we go. Just as long as we’re together. Maybe we could go for a drive and find some pretty place to have lunch? You couldpaint if you want. And I can try and paint and you can laugh at whatever I make.”
Chuckling, I gave her knee a squeeze. “Let’s do that.”
She sat up, arms slowly wrapping around my shoulders, and my hands quickly found the small of her back. I pulled her in closer, my fingers rubbing against the material of her shirt. My shirt. One of my old, torn flannels. I loved it when she slept in my clothes.
