Page 120 of Your Biggest Downfall
She only shook her head. No tears fell down her cheeks. She stood in the doorway as Luna rubbed her back.
“I’ll change for you,” I whimpered.
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nova
Numbness spread through my fingers and then ice cold took over the pain in my chest. I turned to Luna, momentarily wondering how fast we could make our exit, but I chose to face him.
I watched my future ex-husband snort cocaine off a naked woman’s tits, and I wasn’t even crying. This was a sign—it had to be. It was over.
“I’ll change for you,” he said as he stumbled toward me.
He almost fell into the marble kitchen island and I caught him by his elbow, straightening him.
“No.” I shook my head in sheer disappointment. I was emotionless. I’m sure I looked mad or rude to anyone watching me, but no one saw the times I had already cried over this. “You missed my mother’s funeral.”
Luna looked over my shoulder. “I’ll be back,” she said curtly before going over to Jeremy and dragging him down the hallway by his ear.
“It’s tomorrow,” Austin said with such sincerity that I almost believed he thought I had misspoken.
“Mymother’s funeral was today.”
It took a minute, but his eyes went wide. His pupils were so blown out he’d probably been high and drunk for days, likely since he left my house.
“I missed it?”
“Yes.”
He swallowed and lowered his head, running his hands through his curls. “I fucked up.”
“You fucked up days ago, Austin.” I was not going to cry, not in front of him. I couldn’t. “Did you ever even love me or did you temporarily replace your addiction with me?”
“No.” He swallowed and then reached for me but landed on the counter. “I love you. I love you so much it hurts.”
“That.” I pointed to him. “That is the fucking problem.”
“What?”
“You don’t love yourself, Austin,” I said, my voice shaking with emotion. “You love booze. You love cocaine. You love sex. You like licking your tongue around some girl’s tits while you’re still married. But me?” I shook my head, feeling the fog creeping in. “You don’t love me, because anyone who loved me would never forget my mother’s fucking funeral.”
He stared at the floor and muttered, “You’re right.”
“Of fucking course I am,” I snapped.
“I’ll get help. I need it,” he added, almost defeated.
I nodded, finally agreeing with something he said. “You do.”
I felt a strange mix of pity for Austin and relief for myself. I pitied the life he’d been dealt, but I didn’t regret putting myself first. I needed to heal, and Austin would only keep dragging me down. I kept thinking about what Iris had told me about Peter. People can change, yes, but you can’t wait around hoping they’ll realize they need you. Falling in love doesn’t always mean it’s that forever kind of love.
“I love you, Nova,” he said, his voice quiet, almost pleading.
I loved him too. I wanted him to get better, to do what he needed to heal. But I couldn’t be part of his life while he kept dragging me into his chaos.
“I’m leaving for London tomorrow,” I said softly. “I got a job with a rugby club.”
His head snapped up. “Y—You’re leaving?”
