Page 14 of Sorry, Not Sorry
Delilah regarded him quizzically, not quite sure what to make of him. She hadn’t given much thought to what the therapist would look like, but she certainly wouldn’t have pictured this shaggy-haired giant with his calm, almost hypnotic voice and disdainful cat. There was a twinkle in his eye that made Arne seem less intimidating than she had initially thought, and despite his unorthodox appearance and the run-down premises, he appeared to be very much in demand. She had struggled to find a time in his online calendar, and in the end she’d been forced to book a Monday morning slot, which wasn’t exactly when she was at her best.
‘Thank you for coming. As you know, Polly Danbury contacted me to request that I work with you,’ Arne said. Despite his strong accent, he was easy to understand. ‘I believe you are on a leave of absence, and that you started personal therapy sessions in the past which you then discontinued. Am I correct?’
Delilah nodded. So far, so true.
‘Was there a particular reason why you stopped attending your therapy sessions? It will help me understand if this process is one you will find useful and how committed you are to doing the work.’
Delilah gnawed her lip for a moment and then reached for the mug, taking a few cautious sips of the hot coffee while she gathered her thoughts. Tell him what he needs to hear, she reminded herself.
She put down the mug and said carefully, ‘Yes, I am committed.’
Before she could help herself, her deep sense of frustration took over and she blurted out, ‘But if I’m completely honest, I find this all a bit unnecessary. I don’t know how much Polly told you, but you should know that I passed my counselling exams with flying colours. Is there room for me to improve in my work? Yes, of course! But that’s what training is for, isn’t it? I just don’t get why I need to go through this… this…’ Don’t say sham! ‘…process,’ she finished lamely.
‘Is that why you stopped your previous sessions – did you also consider them unnecessary?’
Uncomfortable with Arne’s calm questioning, Delilah shifted in the armchair and crossed her legs. ‘I wasn’t getting anything out of it, and there was absolutely no chemistry with my therapist. Frankly, I think she was just as relieved as me when I stopped going.’
‘I see.’ Arne nodded and gently tugged his full beard. ‘So tell me, Delilah, what motivates you to be a relationship counsellor?’
Delilah blinked, thrown off by the sudden switch in topic. She scrabbled for a response that might impress him, and when none came to mind, she reached for her mug and swallowed a large gulp of coffee.
Arne gave her an encouraging smile, and she forced a laugh. ‘Well, I’ve had loads of relationships myself, so there isn’t much I don’t know about them, haha!’
Cringing at her own pathetic attempt at humour, Delilah uncrossed her legs and sat up. ‘I enjoy helping people and supporting couples to navigate conflict. You know, help them to improve how they communicate with each other and understand the other person’s perspective, and… basically, develop more positive behaviours.’
‘Anything else?’
‘Well, I also think it’s important to be aware of when couples can be a danger to each other—’ She stopped abruptly, instantly regretting her choice of words.
‘Danger?’
She felt a flash of annoyance that he’d picked up on the word, but it was too late to row back. ‘Yes, you know – toxic relationships.’
Arne pondered on her words for a moment. ‘Help me understand. Do you see your role as supporting couples to address their challenges or do you believe you should be saving people from holding on to poor relationships? I’m wondering what success looks like for you.’
Delilah shrugged. ‘That depends.’
‘On?’
‘The safety of the woman – I mean, of the couple. If they’re not good together, they shouldn’t feel compelled to stay in a relationship.’
‘Do you feel counselling encourages couples to prolong unhealthy relationships?’
Fired up by Arne’s questions, Delilah had completely forgotten her game plan. ‘Honestly? Yes, I think it can. I mean, we’re so focused on helping people resolve their conflicts that sometimes we risk making them accept the unacceptable. I’ve had friends who’ve stayed with their boyfriends even when the men are literally the worst, and I don’t believe my profession should be enabling that.’
She leaned forward, caught up in the discussion. ‘Look, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying all men are bad. Take my sister, for example. Now she has the best husband in the world, but I’ve seen—’ Shut up, Del! She broke off, clamping her lips shut to stop any more words from escaping.
In the sudden silence, Sigmund stretched and leapt off his chair. Padding across the rug, he hopped up onto Arne’s lap and purred loudly when Arne stroked his back.
‘Tell me, Delilah, do you find yourself drawn into your clients’ problems during your counselling sessions?’
Not knowing what Polly might have told him, Delilah took her time to formulate a non-committal response. ‘I like to think I’m empathetic but also very objective,’ she said finally.
Arne raised a bushy eyebrow, and his droopy eyes lit up with a glint of humour. ‘Then you must be Superwoman!’
She looked at him, nonplussed, and he smiled. ‘I joke with you. Because you know we therapists and counsellors are only human. We develop empathy for clients we connect with and it’s almost impossible to be objective when we see other people’s pain, particularly if we feel helpless to alleviate it. But the question is whether we can recognise and address this before it hinders the counselling relationship.’
Delilah stayed mum, reluctant to be drawn into saying anything she might regret. The silence lengthened while Arne calmly stroked Sigmund and Delilah grew increasingly uncomfortable. Okay, Del, you can give this guy the Verity treatment and never get your job back, or you can give him something to work with. Anything.
