Page 5 of Collide
We were forced to grow up apart, spending only weeks together at a time, shuttled back and forth across the ocean, missing out on milestones. As soon as we settled into acomfortable understanding, we’d be ripped apart, and the cycle would start again. Year after year.
“It’s our pleasure.” She smiles, emphasizingouras she toys with her ring again.
I swallow the feeling before it shows. Philippa has someone special—Andrew. She has the security of love, the warmth of companionship. And she has our father. It’s hard not to compare our circumstances. I’ve never been in love, never really had a boyfriend serious enough to be considered a relationship.
“Are you excited about the wedding?” I ask, trying to push those thoughts out of my head.
A huge grin erupts on her face, her cheeks rosy.
“Yes,” she gushes, and begins poring over the details she’s yet to finalize, all in one breath. She’s giddy over their honeymoon plans to the Caribbean on an island owned by one of Father’s associates.
Surprisingly, she had asked me to be her maid of honor, but I guess it would be a poor look if I weren’t. It’s set to be the biggest event of the social calendar, as she has reminded me on more than one occasion.
I’m happy for my sister, truly. She has love and a future mapped out with someone who adores her. And me? I’m sure I know what love issupposedto feel like.
“It’ll be beautiful.” Half smiling, I brush those thoughts away as quickly as they creep back in, knowing it will do nothing to help my dampened mood.
“Anyway, you settle in, I have lunch to prepare. If you need anything, let me know,” she says, moving toward the door.
“I’m good. Thanks again,” I murmur, pushing off the bed and pulling her into a genuine hug. “I’ve missed you.”
The last time I saw my sister was at Mom’s funeral. After that, it was supposed to be my turn to visit, but I couldn’t do it.Couldn’t board a plane. Couldn’t face the world. Time passed. People moved on. I didn’t.
Now I’m here. And for the first time in a long while, I want to be. A chance to make up for the time we’ve lost.
“I’ve missed you too,” she whispers into my ear, her hold lingering a little longer than expected. When she pulls away, she clears her throat, as if shaking off the moment. “Get freshened up. Dad’s coming over soon.”
“Great.” I sigh sarcastically. I’m not ready. But maybe it doesn’t matter.
Five years of silence didn’t disappear with a flight and a packed suitcase. Still, I am here. In his city. In his world. And whether I like it or not, there is no avoiding him now.
I don’t know what I’ll say. Or if I’ll say anything at all. But I’ll show up.
This is me trying.
Tryingnot to flinch.
Tryingnot to run.
Tryingto be the daughter he never really saw.
And like a silent prayer, I hope trying will be enough.
Chapter 2
Because of You
Ireach out to the fogged-up mirror and swipe a clean streak down the center. My reflection stares back—pale, hollow-eyed, worn thin from the flight.
The shower helped. Sort of. At least I didn’t smell likeplaneanymore. I’d hoped the steam would take the edge off my nerves, maybe soften the tightness in my chest. Instead, I spent ten minutes replaying old fights, rewriting every word Ishouldhave said, every truth I bit back.
But time doesn’t rewind. And nothing I say now will change what is already broken.
I squeeze toothpaste onto my brush, shoving it into my mouth.
Christmas. Five years ago. That was the last time.
I’d found out the truth—why Mom left, why she cried in the kitchen when she thought I wasn’t listening. He didn’t even flinch when I confronted him. He launched into a speech about Yale and how I needed to ‘start thinking seriously about my future,’ like singing was some childish fantasy I’d grow out of.
